• Announcements

    • khawk

      Download the Game Design and Indie Game Marketing Freebook   07/19/17

      GameDev.net and CRC Press have teamed up to bring a free ebook of content curated from top titles published by CRC Press. The freebook, Practices of Game Design & Indie Game Marketing, includes chapters from The Art of Game Design: A Book of Lenses, A Practical Guide to Indie Game Marketing, and An Architectural Approach to Level Design. The GameDev.net FreeBook is relevant to game designers, developers, and those interested in learning more about the challenges in game development. We know game development can be a tough discipline and business, so we picked several chapters from CRC Press titles that we thought would be of interest to you, the GameDev.net audience, in your journey to design, develop, and market your next game. The free ebook is available through CRC Press by clicking here. The Curated Books The Art of Game Design: A Book of Lenses, Second Edition, by Jesse Schell Presents 100+ sets of questions, or different lenses, for viewing a game’s design, encompassing diverse fields such as psychology, architecture, music, film, software engineering, theme park design, mathematics, anthropology, and more. Written by one of the world's top game designers, this book describes the deepest and most fundamental principles of game design, demonstrating how tactics used in board, card, and athletic games also work in video games. It provides practical instruction on creating world-class games that will be played again and again. View it here. A Practical Guide to Indie Game Marketing, by Joel Dreskin Marketing is an essential but too frequently overlooked or minimized component of the release plan for indie games. A Practical Guide to Indie Game Marketing provides you with the tools needed to build visibility and sell your indie games. With special focus on those developers with small budgets and limited staff and resources, this book is packed with tangible recommendations and techniques that you can put to use immediately. As a seasoned professional of the indie game arena, author Joel Dreskin gives you insight into practical, real-world experiences of marketing numerous successful games and also provides stories of the failures. View it here. An Architectural Approach to Level Design This is one of the first books to integrate architectural and spatial design theory with the field of level design. The book presents architectural techniques and theories for level designers to use in their own work. It connects architecture and level design in different ways that address the practical elements of how designers construct space and the experiential elements of how and why humans interact with this space. Throughout the text, readers learn skills for spatial layout, evoking emotion through gamespaces, and creating better levels through architectural theory. View it here. Learn more and download the ebook by clicking here. Did you know? GameDev.net and CRC Press also recently teamed up to bring GDNet+ Members up to a 20% discount on all CRC Press books. Learn more about this and other benefits here.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

sunandshadow

writing samples

56 posts in this topic

Here's a little piece of a story from the Background part of the Athalon Design Doc.The story isn't finished yet, nor is the doc.Note that the story is not as good as the others in this thread because it wasn't written with the purpose of being published, except maybe on the Athalon site at some point.

The old tavern in the Danlath harbour was always crowded at night.And especially on Fireday nights like this one, when all the old sailors gathered at the largest table and told stories of far-away places.On these nights dozens of people from all over town would come to the old smelly house by the sea known as the The Sailor’s Haven.They wanted to hear about the splendors of Rondelar, the icy colds of Gldak and, of course, the stories about the famous Sea of Dreams.
Most people doubted that all the stories were real, of course.Some were too strange to believe – stories of mermaids, whirlpools that lead to another world or of people who had wings and flew were amongst the stories usually attributed to too much rum or a wild imagination .
But no-one ever doubted Captain Mandwick’s stories.Captain Mandwick, the famous Captain Mandwick was a great hero.Forty years ago he had defeated the pirates that plagued the area all on his own, by setting fire to their hideout while they were away.He had been awarded by the Council of Life with a large ship called Lady of the Seas, and had had many famous adventures, until, one day in Middlesummer it had sunk mysteriously, him being the only survivor.He had never told anyone what had happened.
All that was going through their heads as they listened to old Mandwick talk.His white beard and soft, deep -even mysterious- brown eyes made him very impressive, and no one dared to speak.
Mandwick coughed.He looked around him at the people who were staring at him, waiting for a story.He smiled.
“My friends, I see you want a story.Hmmm ...a story.I have told you the story of Dragonsland, and the story of how I met my dead grandfather, and about the mysterious lights in the ocean.I have told many stories.In fact, I have told every story I know except one.”
He looked around again.No-one said a word.He sighed, and resumed.
“It is a story that I had decided to keep in me forever, in fear of being called a madman.But now I am old, and I am not afraid anymore.In my dreams I speak with my ancestors.They are calling me to another world, for new adventures.My days here are over, and I shall not come again as others do.But before I go, I want to tell you the story of how the Lady of the Seas sank, of how I survived and found myself in a strange place.A place called Athalon.”
There were several gasps in the audience.Athalon ? The magic island of legend.The place the mages believed the source of their power.The mysterious isle that had disappeared with its civilization thousands of years ago…
Mandwick noticed that even the town druid was there.
“It was a rainy day in Middlesummer twenty years ago.We were sailing to Danlath after a very long journey through the Islands of Khun.We knew that sailing through the Sea of Dreams could be dangerous, but we were confident we would make it.I suppose we were too proud to admit fear.Because we were afraid.As I stood on the deck that day, the wind tugging at my beard and filling the sails, the waves pounding against the ship, I was afraid.I looked at my men and I could see the same fear.They worked with clenched teeth and never said a word.There was no laughing, no bickering, nothing as it used to be – absolute silence.
Silence.Not only the sailors were silent.Everything was – the waves seemed to make no noise, the wind seemed different.The fear I felt was not the physical fear I’d felt when I first saw the dragons in Dragonsland – no, it was the kind of fear I had felt when I met the spirit of my ancestor.Fear of the unknown.
Hours passed, and we were still in the Sea of Dreams.Normally, we would have crossed that distance in a short time.But, as you know, the Sea of Dreams is not a normal place.It is a place where nothing is as we know it.
I had been feeling a certain tension building up.Something was going to happen.I knew it.Something we could not expect.The sky was a dark grey now, the clouds covering everything.Then I noticed the fog.It seemed to be all around us, except on the ship itself.Many men were muttering about the curse of the sea and similar things.Agdor, a sailor from Pariki, suddenly shouted “what the heck is that ?”
I turned towards him.He was pointing at something in the mist.At first, I did not see anything.I thought that maybe he was seeing a hallucination caused by either his fear or the Sea of Dreams.But then I noticed something green in the fog.It seemed to be some kind of light…
Then I saw it again.It was green lightning ! The men were shouting now.Green lightning was all around the ship, and it was coming closer every second.Agdor drew his sword.I quickly caught his hand and shouted
“No ! We don’t know what this is.Let’s not attack it yet !”
“Let me go, you fool !” he screamed
“No !”
He slashed at me with his sword, and I barely managed to avoid the blow.When I got up I saw Agdor slahing at the green lightning that had almost reached the ship.His weapon suddenly glowed with a green light and he was thrown backwards against the mast.He wa still alive, although his mind wasn’t very clear.He tried getting up.I started running towards him, and so did several other sailors.The other were still staring at him, awed by what had just happened.
The one moment Agdor was getting up, his mates helping him, and the next he was gone and a strange green whirlpool had appeared in his place.Ghillien, a Cyrgonian sailor, was closest to the maelstrom.He screamed as he suddenly started being drawn in by an invisible force.Other sailors began moving too, but they had no chance.The whirlpool was becoming larger and larger.I felt it’s pull on me aswell.I panicked.I knew there was only one thing I could do to save myself.I jumped into the water- or at least I tried to.As I fell, I saw green lightning flash by me, but my feet never touched the water. I just kept falling into the fog.I fell and fell – until suddenly everything went black.

I did not know how much time had passed.It could have been minutes – or centuries.
I was standing at a beach.A beach where ? I was looking at the sea.The sky was grey and a cold wind was blowing.I had the feeling something was wrong.Then I understood.There were no waves ! How could that be ? Well, I conceded to myself, the fact that was actually standing and that there were no signs of my ship or crew was even stranger.Then a strange thought came to my mind ? What if this was a dream ? Many people saw dreams on the sea of dreams, and they never knew they were dreams until later when someone told them.If this was one….I quickly shook the thought off.Let’s deal with reality first, I thought.I looked around, and saw that the beach was very small.To my right and to my left there were some huge rocks, and there was a path that led up into a forest.Obviously I didn’t have all that many choices, so I went up the path, and got to the forest.The ground here was a bit muddy, and the trees seemed to be wet.It had propably rained.I looked at the trees again.I had never seen such trees.Their leaves were as large as my hand and were shaped like hearts.They felt very soft.




Runemaster
Join the Game Developers RuneRing !

The Specular Lightosis Research Fund


Edited by - runemaster on September 1, 2000 5:42:17 PM
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
quote:
Original post by runemaster

The elf story was nice.Come on, keep this thread alive ! Post your own writing samples (I''ll do so soon).




Thanks! Im glad you liked the elf story. But couldn''t you be a little more precise? What was the good parts and the not so good parts? Is my spelling and gramar good enough? Or are there too many errors for the liking of people with english as their primary language (I know that sometimes very bad spelling and gramar irritates me).

To Pax: I like the story about Eajan. Very well written. I got a very clear picture of the way Eajan feels and thinks about his situaton. But I have a question. Whay settings is the story placed in? I found no indication of that. It could be either a fantasy setting, sci-fi or real-world-present-time setting. My best guess is the later but I couldn''t really tell. Maybe you have left it unclear on purpose. It did add to the mystery and ''amnesia'' feel quite alright. Just be careful and not take for granted that the reader knows the story''s "universe" when you continue.

Runemaster: What do you mean by "not as good as the others in this thread"??? This story is every bit as good as the others! There may be a couple of places where it could be polished a bit, but there always is. Especially if you didn''t think to publish it any time soon. I have only one major thing to critize: The ending. How can you just end it like that? I want to know what''s on that island! And I want to know how he got away! Finish it!

Regards

nicba

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Here''s another little bit of the story - very unpolished though.I had a terrible headache when I wrote this.

The forest was very dense.The only thing I could do was follow the winding path into the forest.There was something strange about that path.It certainly wasn’t a path made by animals, but it didn’t seem artificial.It was more like…well, as if the trees had avoided growing there.I looked at the trees again and decided to move on.
The path seemed to follow a totally irrational pattern.It curved left, right, left and seemed to be endless.After half an hour or so I decided to go back.This place was strange.When I turned around I saw something that left me speechless.There was an opening in the forest there.But how could that be ? What was this place ? If everything could change like that …what would happen if I turned around now ? What would be behind me ? No, I thought.If I think like that I’ll go mad.”
Mandwick looked at the people in the tavern.The druid was right in front of him now, and listening intently.Everyone was waiting for him to continue.
“Well, I walked to the opening.It was just like the path : there was a large circle on which the trees seemed to be unable to grow.Unable or…afraid.The whole place was overgrown with beautiful green grass, ankle-deep.There seemed to be something in front of me, in the middle of this strange round opening.I walked towards it and kneeled.It was a stone cylinder, five hands wide and two hands high.It was made of a very dark kind of stone and seemed to be slippery.I passed my hands over it and noticed some inscription.I kneeled closer.The inscription was in Daeloc, the ancient language the Druids used for their magics.I had learned a bit of Daeloc on one of my travels.”
Mandwick paused and shivered.
“I’ve seen many things in my life in this world.Some were terrible, others beautiful.I’ve met many powerful creatures.
Yet nothing could be compared with the power, the absoluteness of the two words I read

Sharr Dunn

I protect

It was an ancient druidic Ward of Life.”
“What ?” the druid exclaimed “That…”
It was the first time the people saw the druid at a loss for words.
Mandwick smiled.
“Yes, Druid.I know.It takes at least twelve High Druids to create a Ward.”
“There have only been four High Druids for…for centuries !”
But Mandwick wanted to finish his story.
“I stood up.I wondered what a Ward of Life was doing here.Wards were legendary.In all my travels I had only seen one, in the Council of Life.I shivered.The air seemed to be growing colder.There was a soft breeze, and I felt a storm was coming.The sky was a very dark grey ; the leaves were rustling.
A few minutes later the breeze had turned into a strong wind.I had to find some shelter.Of course I knew that one should not hide under trees during a storm, but I had no choice.
As I walked towards the trees, the storm broke out.From one moment to the next, all hell broke loose.I ran to the trees as fast as I could, but by the time I was there I was dripping wet.The rain was so strong it almost hurt.I had to close my eyes.
From under the tree I looked at the Ward.It was glowing green.And then green lightning tore the sky apart.I was momentarily blinded, but I had the impression that someone was standing there…But when I opened my eyes there was no-one.
Then it happened again, and this time I saw several figures.They were wearing cloaks, like Druids, and they…Suddenly they were gone, and green lightning blinded me.
The storm was becoming more intense now, and the lightning forced me to keep my eyes half-closed.Yet with every new flash I saw the figures standing there in a circle around the ward.Their hands were raised.
Every now and then, I thought I heard ancient, deep voices chanting.At first I thought it came from the figures, but then I realized that the sound seemed to come from hundreds of voices, from somewhere far away in space and time, from a place beyond this world.




Runemaster
Join the Game Developers RuneRing !

The Specular Lightosis Research Fund
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
EQUALITY?



One might think of equality as something being equal to something else, but in reality equality doesn''t exist. Everything we know, sense, think or do, is different from an other knowledge, sense, thought, or action we might thought it was equal to. As an example think of two cubic portions of the space with nothing inside but space itself; both have the same dimensions, and both hold nothing but space, how can they not be equal?, well there''s a distance in between them that makes them different, to understand this better take the earth as a point of reference, and name the first cubic "A", and the second cubic "B", cubic A is nearest to the earth than is B, and that makes a difference. Now think of an other empty cubic portion of space as the mentioned in the preceding example, and name it cubic "A", wait the amount of time that you desire (even 1/100000000^10 of a second), and delete cubic A, now make an other cubic with the same dimensions and in the exact same place where the cubic A was placed, and name it cubic "B", now you can claim that cubic A is equal to cubic B because both have the same dimensions, and both have the same coordinates, however, still there is a big remarkable difference in between them, They form part of a totally different universe, in the second, nanosecond or millisecond that separates them, trillions of billions of millions of events changed the shape of the whole, maybe a planet rotated 1/10000 of degree or some hydrogen were combusted in some star, or if the amount of time elapsed from the destruction of cubic A to the creation of cubic B were too short that only the electrons of all the matter in the universe were capable of moving only 1/1000^10 of an inch, then that make a difference in the universe of cubic A from the universe of cubic B, thus they are not equal. If we create two cubics with the same dimensions, and the same space-time, and we name them cubic "A" and cubic "B", then both would be cubic A, or both would be cubic B. Everything you might think, even what you are thinking now has its own universe, and therefore is unique.


||||-- Our creation is the transformation of one. --|||
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
More like philosophy I think. Very good Virus (but maybe a little hard to fit into a game ).

runemaster: You continue to build up mysteries, I see. Now you better keep writting until the story is finished or I shall summon a demon to haunt you for the rest of your days

Regards

nicba
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I was reading these stories and decided to take some of the ideas bouncing around my head, shackle ''em, then set up a tent at the circus and charge two bits a gander. A quick look at the costs involved killed that plan, so yo guys get them.

This is the first part of a story I''ve been thinking about writing for some time. Well, about an hour ago I finally got around to it.

This is obviously the first draft. If I start cleaning it up now I''ll never post it.

So here it is, warts and all...

Starting Over---

Part I - The Key

The fact that the driver of the car saw Josiah in the crosswalk and very likely had enough time to avoid the collision is unimportant. Nor is it important that nearly seven minutes passed before the paramedics arrived. Those are merely details.

What is important is that Josiah died. What happened next... now that is something worth talking about.

Keep in mind that there are no official records of what happens to someone immediately after dying. All we have are stories, speculation, and the few comments Josiah and others have made about the ordeal, but that will have to do.

Most likely, Josiah saw a hazy whiteness all around him and felt himself gently falling at first. For a few moments (or millenia?), he was quite content with that, and had no desire to feel, know, or think anything else. But, at some point, he realized (or decided?) that he was dead.

At that point, the last few seconds of his life replayed for him. So, he knew he was dead, and he knew how he died. Those two bits of knowledge had peculiar effect on him: nothing. He felt no bitterness or loss. He was completely at peace with his situation.

Peace, serenity, tranquility, freedom...

Call it a cosmic joke, but at that moment, as he floated there in what was essentially nowhere, he was given (or maybe he created it) the secret of happiness and the key to the universe. Too bad no one thought to change the locks.

After some time, Josiah noticed that he was smiling; a warm, friendly, contented smile. This is probably the first time, since he entered the afterlife that he even considered that he had a body. Upon further inspection, he discovered that he did indeed have a full body, and he looked great for someone who had just been run over. He did not have a scratch on him. In fact, he looked better than he ever did when he was alive.

That thought must have puzzled him. Up until then, all he could recall of his life were the last two or three minutes, yet there he was commenting on a past he never new he had. Were he more philosophical, he might have spent eons disecting that paradox. But Josiah was not much of a philospher, so he did not waste to much time it. Instead he focused more on investigating his past.

Like reading the end of a novel first to make sure the hero survives (the irony of it was completely lost on Josiah), he began recalling his life a few months at a time moving backwards from his death.

He probably made it through the last year or two of his life before a particularly disturbing thought occured to him: "I''m dead, and I''m falling. That can''t be good"

To be continued...
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
quote:
Original post by ahw

Hey ! that''s not fantasy !


Sure it is. How many times have you read a fantasy and heard the wise old wizard guy say "You can never drink from the same river twice." ? It''s the same idea.
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It was just a sarcastic way to praise the originality of the text, which is, unlike most of the other, in an heroic fantasy setting. Actually, it would be the same "spirit" than yours.

I want moooooore !
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
So nobody wants to comment on my story?

(Of course I''m dropping it since there''s a very similar story in Realms of the Arcane that I read over the weekend.)


Pax
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
quote:
Original post by pax

So nobody wants to comment on my story?

(Of course I''m dropping it since there''s a very similar story in Realms of the Arcane that I read over the weekend.)



I thought your story about Eajan was very good. I already commented on it some time back (2th september, see further up on the board).

But what''s Realms of the Arcane ? Never heard of it before.

Regards

nicba
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Well, pax, basically I like the idea of the story a lot, all this "hey, how come I can do that, what kind of guy am I ?" etc is very interesting, there is something about redemption in this, that I find a very good toic of reflection. There was a very good episode on this topic in Babylon 5 (can''t remember the number), where one guy was a serial killer or something, but got brainwashed, and turned into a priest novice as a form of redemption for his sins... Then when he realises what he realise what he really was compared to what he has come to become, he truely make amends, but get killed :/ Anyway, jsut to say I like this topic, and I would love to know the rest of the story .
What is Realms of the Arcane anyway ? And why ouldn''t you write your ideas even if they already exists ? Every person who attacks the story of Robin hood is damn sure his version is the best there can be, after all

nicba : if i can criticize a bit, I would say that the story for the elf lacked a bit more dramatisation. What I mean is that since it''s supposed to be only a flavor text, as opposed to the beginning of a long saga, it would be better to concentrate more emotions into the short length of the text, in order to create something ... more ... I dunno what
Basically, there is nothing wrong with the style in itself, it''s just it doesn''t seem, mmm, I think there is not enough rythm. For instance, the last two paragraphs are very nice, the calm after the storm, and the cold anger of the elf. But I think maybe the melee scene could be more dramatic, don''t make it two skeletons, make it ten of them coming at him, make him surrounded and almost beaten, when suddenly the rays of the sun pour on the skeletons and they fall on the ground ... or something similar.
Actually, the beginning is very nice as well, the fog, and the night, the clearing filled with the soudn of flying arrows.
I guess all I am talking about is something more climatic, a crescendo sort of thing, and the aftermath.
Anyway, I hope I am being constructive enough

runemaster : hey, those little stories are very nice, the one fo the Athalon design doc is nicely done, quietly climbing to a climax with the storm, then everything blurs, and fade to a new world ... would make a perfect intro ! written or animated.

For the second story, I like the beginning. This style of "old man telling a story by the fire side" is very cool and useful to explain lot of things in the middle of the story. The only complaint I have is the end, there was jsut something wrong, I am not sure what. I think maybe the repetition about the flashy green lights and the people in it is a bit too repetitive. Maybe you could do something a bit more like a zoom, at first there are only several hooded shadowy figures, but then you notice that one has something particular, and you zoom in, until ... oh! something that can''t be told yet


Ochavelli : loved it ! I like this kind of text where everything is very normal. The tone of the text, very matter of fact, fits totally with the story ''so there, I am dead''. Additionally, I love the total break of rythm at the end, very good cliffhanger. Now I hope you have planned something after that !


errr ... i think that''s pretty much it. I was gonna post another story in the same background than the first, but it just sucked too much, so I had another idea, and am still waiting for the mix to be ready ... we''ll see when it''s done.

youpla :-P
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
quote:
Original post by ahw

nicba : if i can criticize a bit, I would say that the story for the elf lacked a bit more dramatisation. What I mean is that since it''s supposed to be only a flavor text, as opposed to the beginning of a long saga, it would be better to concentrate more emotions into the short length of the text, in order to create something ... more ... I dunno what
Basically, there is nothing wrong with the style in itself, it''s just it doesn''t seem, mmm, I think there is not enough rythm. For instance, the last two paragraphs are very nice, the calm after the storm, and the cold anger of the elf. But I think maybe the melee scene could be more dramatic, don''t make it two skeletons, make it ten of them coming at him, make him surrounded and almost beaten, when suddenly the rays of the sun pour on the skeletons and they fall on the ground ... or something similar.
Actually, the beginning is very nice as well, the fog, and the night, the clearing filled with the soudn of flying arrows.
I guess all I am talking about is something more climatic, a crescendo sort of thing, and the aftermath.
Anyway, I hope I am being constructive enough



Thank you very much! It was just that kind of comments I was hoping for. I re-read the story again and I think I see what you''re getting at. I was about to build something up with him running out of arrows and such, but then I just ended the whole battle in a couple of lines. It surely did break the rythm.

As I explained in my original post the story is pretty much abandoned and will not be used for anything. But I think I will try to follow your advice anyway and rewrite the melee to include some more drama and a climatic end. Just as an exercise.

Thanks!

Regards

nicba
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
And now for something completely different... This is from the sci-fi novel I''m writing about how philosophy would have evolved if technology had never progressed beyond a Renissance level due to lack of metals and fossil fuels.


The playroom for our dormitory was great. There was a bookcase full of blocks of lots of unusual shapes, and some of the blocks were as long as my arm. Sunshine-fur Raynnil was playing blocks, building a big Estate. It needed a barn and a corral for horses, so that’s what I built. Raynill added the last block to the top of the wall and looked very satisfied. Then he turned to me and, with a sneaky look, asked, “Hey, do you want to know a secret?” I nodded enthusiastically. Secrets were usually interesting.

“What’s the secret?”

“I’m really a girl.” He looked solemn. I thought that that was a weird joke to tell.

“You can’t be a girl. If you were, you’d have to go to school on your estate.”

He looked defiant. “I am too a girl. They pretend I’m a boy ‘cause I’m odd colored. Not my estate’s color, you know?” I didn’t know any such thing. Girls were always their estate’s color. Only boys were odd colored, usually two color-patterns mixed together, like me being in-between striped and dun. Raynnil wasn’t even that, just pure sunshine-colored. I didn’t like people playing tricks on me.

“I don’t believe you.” I accused. “I’m going to ask the teacher.” Fear flashed across his face.

“Don’t do that! I’m not supposed to tell; I’ll get in trouble!”
I looked smug. “Then just admit you’re not some silly girl.” I said reasonably.

Raynnil’s mouth twisted and he looked stubborn. “I’ll prove it!” He grabbed my wrist and pulled me up from the floor.

“Ow, lemme go!” I jerked my arm away and scowled. I didn’t like this one bit. “Where’re we going?”

“Just the bathroom, come on and I’ll show you.” I relaxed.

“Oh, O.K..” Huh, maybe he was a girl. He wouldn’t take me into the bathroom just to prove he was lying. I wanted to make sure, though. “O.K., I’m coming.” He looked around to see if the coast was clear, then stalked into the bathroom. I followed.
Fire-fur Larris was there, looking worried at Raynnil’s determined expression. “What’s the matter?” he asked Raynnil. Larris looked at me accusingly. “Is this kid bothering you?” he asked Raynnil.

“No, I’m bothering him.” Raynnil put his fists on his hips and looked exasperated. “He just won’t believe I’m a girl, so I’m gonna prove it.”

“Oh, all right.” Larris relaxed. Raynnil turned to me, grabbed his waistband, and, with a great flourish, pulled his trousers down to his knees. Um, her knees. My jaw dropped – she was a she!

“See?” she demanded, “Now do you believe me?”

“OK, I believe you.” I said. Larris nodded with satisfaction that we had settled our difficulty. Just then, of course, a teacher happened to walk into the bathroom.

“Now just what do you three think you’re doing?” he demanded, frowning mightily. Uh oh. Now we were all three going to catch it.

Reynnil pulled her pants back up in a hurry. “Um… n-nothing…” she stuttered. The teacher scowled more fiercely at her, and she broke. “Jessop just w-wouldn’t believe me.” Tears seeped into the corners of her eyes, and I felt mad at the teacher. Larris looked angry and like he was going to cry too.

“Wouldn’t believe what?” he demanded.

“Th-that I’m a girl.” Reynnil sniffed, and one tear slid down her cheek and got caught in her jawline-fringe. Larris, crying now, hugged her and said, “Don’t cry Reynni!” I glared at the teacher and stepped a bit in front of them. The teacher looked sternly at Larris and me, then back at Reynnil.

“No such thing, young man.” Reynnil looked nonplussed. Larris hiccuped. “We do not admit girls to this school. Kindly remember that lying is an offence against Decency, as is, “ he said, fixing us all with a fishy stare, “participating in indecent exposure. I think perhaps we all had better have a little chat with the Headmaster.”

Well it was indecent exposure, sure enough. That hadn’t occurred to me at all, but it was true. So much for being virtuous. I felt guilty for having disobeyed my grandmother’s warning on the very first day of school. Reynnil and Larris probably felt much the same thing. We all hunched our shoulders and kept our eyes on our feet as we shuffled to the headmaster’s office.

The teacher knocked on the big wooden door. “Come in.” the Headmaster called. The teacher opened the door and waved us in, motioning us to sit down on the hard, narrow delinquents’ bench while he took a guest’s chair. My feet didn’t touch the floor.

“Oh my,” said the headmaster, noting our wet cheeks, “what have we here?” He looked concerned, but not surprised.

“A case of indecent exposure, sir.” reported the teacher. Now the Headmaster did look surprised.

“So young?”

“Sir it’s a case of…” the teacher stopped, looked at us, and went over to whisper in the Headmaster’s ear. Comprehension dawned on the Headmaster’s face.

“My lad,” he addressed Reynnil quietly, “You are not a girl. I do not care what you have in your trousers, the Decency codes recognize as female only those who have an Estate to call their own, and you have none. Kindly remember that. As for this indecent exposure,” he rummaged in a desk drawer and pulled out 3 pamphlets, “each of you bring me a hand-written copy of the Childrens’ Decency Code tomorrow, and next time you’ll know better.” He gave the pamphlets to the teacher.

“Thank the Headmaster for his leniency.” commanded the teacher.

“Thank you sir.” we all murmured. It was lenient. Much better than a public announcement at the next assembly, like they did sometimes. The teacher shepherded us back to the classroom and sat us each at a desk with a copy of the Decency Code, some paper, and a pencil. He stood over us for a few minutes, watching while we worked silently. Then another child called him away and we could relax a little.

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.” I ventured. “If I just had we wouldn’t be in trouble.” Reynnil brightened a bit at the apology, but Larris scowled at me.

“Darn right.” he said.

“No, he was right Larris.” said Reynnil. She looked to me. “You had no reason to believe me and I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”

“I’m glad you told me!” I said defiantly.

She smiled. “Well, then I’m glad I told you too. Now both my friends know the real truth, even if nobody else does.” She beamed at us. Larris grinned back at her, relieved to see her happy again, then offered me a small smile.

“Are we friends?” I asked him hopefully. I thought he ought to be mad at us for getting him in trouble.

“Reynnil’s my best friend, and if she says so, then you’re our friend too. You were brave when the teacher was being mean; I saw you glaring at him.” I puffed up a bit with pride and happiness at having two friends.

“You were brave too, Larris. The teacher might have really yelled at you for hugging Reyolni while he was being mean to her.”

“He was being mean!” said Larris hotly. “We’ve gotta finish these and get out of trouble, and from now on we’ve gotta watch out for each other while he’s around!”

I nodded vigorously. “Yeah, we hafta do these and we need to help each other. That’s what friends do!” I turned my attention to quickly getting the code copied.

“You guys are good friends to have!” declared Reynnil. I’m gonna take care of you too!”

Luckily we were all busily working again when the teacher stuck his head in the doorway and peered around suspiciously.
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I haven''t written any stories, because I can''t think of good ideas for stories. I have written two poems I consider worth showing to people, one of them a parody ripoff of a poem from Kalevala, the Finnish national epic. Unfortunately(?), they are in Finnish, but here is the other one, anyway:

Ajaton olio
Tunteeton hylkiö
Paheeton perkele
Yksin käy

Kotina yö
Saappaina suo
Viittana usva
Onnea syö

Varjot ystävinä
Pelot kumppaneina
Sanat vihollisina
Kauas vie

Rakastaa naista
Rakastaa miestä
Rakastaa aikaa
Viimeinen


I could translate it, but it wouldn''t be the same anymore. If someone asks, I can translate it anyway. Or, if someone thinks he/she can translate it so that it doesn''t sound stupid, go ahead.

-Jussi
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
The more I see finnish, the more I am convinced you must have some connetion with Chtulhu himself ... I would love to here it pronounced, jsut to be sure

yes, maybe a translation would be useful, just to get the idea, please ?
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Geez, what a cool thread this!Why didn''t I see it before? I''ll have to wait till after work to actually read all these neat stories, but in the meantime, here''s part 1 of my contribution. Since I''m part Japanese, I really like researching the art of Ninjitsu. So, Thief fans, listen up:

The building that sat on the edge of a sea cliff was quite non-descript in nature. It was of typical Japanese construct, with all the spires and tiered roofs, and was painted the normal whitewash color. A wall sorounded it, but that was quite normal. Some people just liked their privacy, and walls were never seen as too offensive. But something was amiss, something was different, something...
The soft crunch of the guard''s feet as he walked the perimeter was all that was heard as night settled over the grounds. Other guards, mainly just sollouettes, stood watch or walked their own routines around the no longer inconspicious house. One guard stopped to light a match in order to investigate a mysterious lump lying on the ground at his feet. It was nothing. He blew out the match and tossed it over the high wall.
As the match fell towards the raging sea below, it flew past a mysterious lump clinging to the sheer cliff face. The lump stirred as it slowly reached up with one hand and grasped an unseen handhold. Sinewy muscles strained as he raised his body up and placed his opposite foot higher than his waist and pushed. He continued the process, alternating from side to side, until he reached the base of the wall, which was flush with the face of the cliff.
Finding a good hold, he held on with one hand as he reached down to his belt to remove the three-pronged grappling hook. Letting the rope uncoil, he used his free hand and his mouth to recoil a few yards. Still holding the cord in his mouth, he used his free hand to lob the hook up and over the wall. The chink of contact was easily lost in the sound of crashing waves far below. With a tug the hook settled into place. Looping the cord underneath him to help support his weight, the Ninja quickly ascended to the top of the wall.
When he reached the top, he peered over to spot any roaming guards. By now night had closed in, and nothing could be seen. The grounds were sparsely lighted and no shadows appeared. The ninja rolled smoothly over the wall and dropped to the ground. He landed and rolled to absorb the shock, coming up in a crouch. His eyes darted from left to right before moving to the nearest available cover.
Under the protection of a small shrub, he peered out, all senses alert. The sound of footsteps reached his ears first, and he centered his vision to his left, where it had originated. Scant seconds later a figure emerged from the gloom. He carried a long bow and a short dagger, along with a quill of arrows strapped to his back. As the guard approached, the ninja drew his short assasin''s blade and held it ready. As the guard walked past, the ninja rose and grabbed him. Pulling him close, he jabbed the knife into his throat. The blade sliced through both the jugular and the larynx before plunging into the man''s heart.
The gurgling sounds subsided as the man slowly sank to the ground. The ninja set him aside and wiped clean his blade before sheathing it.

Well, that''s all for now. I have to go. Hope you like it, part 2 coming soon, where he gets to take out more people Peace.

==============================
\\// live long and prosper; \||/ die short and rot.
==============================
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks for the comments. Nicba, I missed your earlier comment, so thanks.

Realms of the Arcane is the most recent (I think) Forgotten Realms (tm) short-story anthology. I really liked it. The story I referred to was of a man who wakes up with no knowledge of himself. He''s found a job as a hired thief and after the first job learns that he was convicted of a crime and rather than death chose this path. He is rewarded for "discreet" services to the government with clues to his past.

My story is set in a typical fantasy setting (my personal favorite), but I''ll have to explore the other options.

Eajan was a royal assassin, and very cynical (hence his curious attitude) who was caught and experimented on (officially executed) by some mad wizard. The experiment failed, leaving him with no memory and in a coma. He was left for dead on the road and found by these people and nursed back to health.

The fun part is that he''s on his own and doesn''t know about all the enemies he made along the way. The story would continue with him just trying to make it in the world and suddenly there are people out to kill him and others trying to hire him and he has to learn about his past and reconcile it with his new life. He''s learned through the kindness shown him at the abbey that there''s more to life than selfish pursuits. Redemption is the main theme here.

Ahw, that episode of B5 is the only one I''ve actually seen. I liked it, but had forgotten about it.


Pax
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
OK, I''ve found some time to do Part 2......


He sheathed the blade and stood. Slowly he walked towards the house. He stepped carefully, placing first the toe, then the heel. By not putting all his weight on his heel with each step, no sound was heard as he traversed the yard. Halfway from the wall to the house another guard appeared around some bushes. The ninja pivoted on his right heel to bring his back against a nearby tree, shielding himself from the sentry''s view. He ventured a glance around the trunk as the the guard turned and began walking towards the tree. Acting quickly, the ninja leapt up and grabbed the lowest branch. He climbed up, making sure to stay on the thickest branches to avoid any rustling leaves, as the guard walked by underneath. Once again the ninja drew his short blade and jumped down behind the guard. Grabbing the man under the chin, with his hand covering the mouth and fingers pinching the nose, he drove the blade into the guards right kidney. The sentry tried to struggle, but the grip was too tight. Since the poison from the damaged kidney would take too long to kill the guard, the ninja simply jerked his wrist and snapped the man''s neck.

After hiding the body, the ninja returned to the tree. While up there earlier, he had spotted his next target, a sniper on the house roof. Back up in the branches, he peered at the target. The sniper was cradling his bow as he looked out towards the sea. Reaching down to a pouch on his belt, the ninja withdrew a three pointed shuriken and held it in his hand. Again judging the distance, he let the small projectile fly. The metal weapon lodged itslef in the man''s throat. The bow clattered against the roof as the sniper tried to breath. Within seconds he succumbed to asphyxia and loss of blood. His body tumbled off the roof and to the ground below.

The timing could not have been worse. Just coming around the corner of the house was yet another guard, and the sniper almost fell on him. The ninja somersaulted out of the tree and hit the ground, drawing his katana blade. The guard had already started to yell out the alarm, so the ninja closed in fast. The guard saw him coming and skillfully loaded and arrow into his bow. He aimed and released while the ninja was still about fifteen feet away. The ninja immediatly ducked and rolled, letting the arrow fly by overhead. The dive also brought him within striking range. Coming up in a crouch he sliced upwards and gutted the guard. Turning around he ran for the house. Rounding the corner to the front he ran into another guard.

A ninja''s reflexes can outmatch anyones, and as soon as he turned the corner, he was ducking under the swing of another sword. Twisting around, he tried to swipe at the guards chest. His opponent was ready, however and blocked the move. A foot lashed out to catch the ninja in the head but he knocked it aside with his hand. With the guard off balance, the ninja stepped in and elbowed him to the ground. Reversing his blade, he drove it straight into the mans heart.

whoop. Times up. I''d like to keep my job...

==============================
\\// live long and prosper; \||/ die short and rot.
==============================
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I would just like to say that this is the best thread I have seen in a long time. Everyone has some great work here. Keep ''em coming .

-------------------------------------------
"What's the story with your face, son?!?"
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
quote:
Original post by ahw

The more I see finnish, the more I am convinced you must have some connetion with Chtulhu himself ... I would love to here it pronounced, jsut to be sure


Ehh, WHAT?!?

quote:
yes, maybe a translation would be useful, just to get the idea, please ?


OK, I''ll give you a literal translation, which probably sounds stupid and at least doesn''t resemble a poem, but you get the idea or something like that.

Timeless being
Heartless outcast
Viceless devil
Goes on alone

Night its home
Swamp its boots
Mist its cloak
Eating bliss

Shadows as friends
Fears as partners
Words as enemies
Takes you far away

Loving the woman
Loving the man
Loving time
The last one


I had to look up a few words from the dictionary.

-Jussi
0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites