Several years ago this story came to me and it is being evloved. Please read slowly as it is just the plot. Comments appreciated :3

Quote:The Settings The story takes place in a dark and lonely future. Human has found no aliens or any other life forms. Technology continued to progress but the meaning of life seems to fade away in the endless cycles of power struggles and evolution. As artificial intelligence continues to evolve rapidly, a particular system Eubola is predicted to turn singular, an omniscient entity. Conflicts over the control of Eubola quickly turned into a bloody war among many factions, including militant factions that try to seize the power, religious factions that try to stop the evolution, the automated defense system of Eubola, and other groups that are simply caught in the war and try to survive. The zenith of technology is the wave weapon forms the basis of Eubola’s defense system. It uses the resonances of harmless waves propagated in another dimension to deliver non-linear attacks that can land on any where within the wavenet without trajectory. As a secret to other factions, Eubola also has the technology for warp weapons, which it has developed prior to warp drives. The human and robotics factions evolved along the lines of genetic, psionic, and nano technologies. The most advanced displays of these technologies are the wraith fighter pilot and the wyvern nanite composite, both evolved for the sole purpose to breach Eubola’s defense. The wraith fighter pilot has a body and mind designed for the superiority fighter the Wraith. The bodies of these pilots can withstand (and exert) forces of several hundred times gravity to survive the maximum performance of the Wraith. Their minds have amplified psionic capabilities that allow them to read enemy thoughts, both biological and mechanical, allowing them to dodge resonances within wavenets, with unforeseen agility provided by the direct neural synapses used to pilot the Wraith. The wyvern nanite composite relies on its distributed controls and regeneration to constantly morph and shift its controls of the nanite cloud to survive wave attacks. This latest technology has not been tested in real battles against the Wraith or the defense system of Eubola.

Quote:The Characters Rosefinch - Ace Wraith Pilot with highest mental endurance and concentration rankings. Her mission is to seize a wyvern prototype that was lost during a clash between two fleets. She has traced to a mobilized civilian carrier that has scavenged the prototype at the wreckage. Her little brother has been taken hostage to ensure that she does not desert. Lei - A nurse belonged to an expedition team onboard the carrier. She is a human implanted with a neural parasite that takes over her body to perform medical protocols. She is among many ‘volunteer’ specialists recruited by various mobilized factions. CameraBall - A docile, soccer-sized, hovering toy used by children to take diaries. It can think but has no means of self-express. It follows Lei after its original owner was killed. It like piano music, but no one would know. Raphael - The prototype wyvern that Rosefinch has stolen. What will it become?

The Story Lei followed the expedition team to explore a ruin on a nearby colony planet, but only she and the CameraBall came back out from the ruins. She returned to the explorer camp and sent an SOS signal to the mother ship, but the signal never got through due to an unusual storm surrounding the planet. Having suffered some damage inside the ruins, her memories and thoughts before becoming a nurse began to collided with those implanted in her. Rosefinch traced the prototype to a revolutionist alliance onboard the carrier. During a heated debate over the custody of the prototype among the factions in the alliance, Rosefinch seized the prototype and escaped on a hijacked fighter plane. Her escape led her diving into a stormy planet guarded by a templar, a wave emitter owned by Eubola. The templar took out the pursuers then intercepted Rosefinch. In a short exchange, Rosefinch took out one tentacle of the templar before its resonances sliced through her helmet and chest. She crash-landed miles near Lei's campsite. Lei and the CameraBall arrived at the crash site. She rescued Rosefinch along with a cracked egg. While Rosefinch was still unconscious, the egg hatched. Lei watched as the newly hatched baby wyvern looked back at her. She named it Raphael. The implanted processor has lost control over Lei's thoughts. Although it continues to interface between her self and the outside world, the thoughts behind those actions now originate from the thoughts of the 10 year old within her instead of the commands from the mother ship. The interface is perfect in the sense that there is no flaw in bridging the gap between her fairy tale world and the cruel reality. Raphael is no cute baby wyvern. When Rosefinch regained consciousness a couple weeks later, Raphael had grown into a young wyvern, hopping and talking like a curious brat. Rosefinch scavenged the camp and the crashed plane and established contact with her commander. All Rosefinch needed to do now was to bring Raphael to the meeting point. But Raphael and Lei were inseparable. Raphael would not leave Lei to go with Rosefinch. And if Rosefinch tried to harm Lei, Raphael would go berserk protecting her. Rosefinch understood Lei's condition, and devised a lie, that they were setting out to bring Raphael back to his mother. They first set out to the ruins to gather some necessary equipment. At that time, a search team arrived and traced to the ruins. Rosefinch and Lei hid in the ruins while the CameraBall stayed outside. Inside the ruins, Rosefinch and Lei got separated. The dark interior of the ruins was illuminated by dim reflections on giant crystals. Rosefinch sensed a presence near her and pointed her guns at it. She couldn't see it but could sense where it was. The presence stopped what it was doing and looked at her. They were stared at each other psionically for quite a while before Rosefinch realized that it was her psionic reflection. But the reflection is calm and peaceful, a sharp contrast to her fear and stress. Her suppressed feelings of hatred and helplessness emerged, along with thoughts of years of being controlled, living a meaningless life, while longing for the peace that she would never reach. She collapsed and wept. At another part in the ruins, Lei found herself standing before her reflection, a kind, innocent young woman with a warm, joyful smile. Then her tears emerged. She remembered the day they seized her, things they did to her, how she screamed and resisted but they paid no mercy. Then, she remembered how the echos of her agony overwhelmed them; how they took their lives one by one in fear and guilt before the same crystal; and how an excruciating silence followed the last gunshot, followed by a tormenting contradiction, a pain that she coud not feel, an emptiness that filled her. It was Raphael who brought life back to her, who brought out the tears in her. And there was Raphael, who could care less about his reflections. He saw Lei weeping. And he cuddled her, her fragile body in his powerful wings – a power that would be meaningless without her. The search team found the CameraBall and viewed the recordings of the day the explorers went in the ruins. When Rosefinch and Lei exited the ruins, the search team was gone, along with the CameraBall. Theyand continued the journey. They came upon a wheat field being fertilized by an automated tractor, as a cardinal flew by and rested on it. Rosefinch knew that they were near the meeting point. She also knew very well the fates of Lei and Raphael. Lei would be destroyed, and Raphael would be used as a weapon somehow. If they were to turn back, this would be the last chance. Upon seeing the cardinal flew to the tractor, Raphael finally understood what it meant to be flying, how Lei had always mentioned. Raphael spread his giant wings and launched himself into the sky, soaring in the clouds. Lei cheered and rejoiced at the moment. Rosefinch found herself rejoicing with them. Somehow, someway, she saw Lei and Raphael as herself and her little brother. The journey had reminded her of her life before, and what it meant to be free. At that moment, she realized that while she could do nothing to change her own life, she would never let it happen to Lei and Raphael. But it was too late. A command post picked up Raphael’s signal when he was flying. A team soon arrived. Raphael was caged, Lei captured, and Rosefinch tranquilized before she could fight back. She watched as Lei and Raphael got taken away helplessly. Rosefinch was strapped onto a surgical table, with Lei, unconscious, strapped on another table besides her. She started having deja vu of her asking to see her little brother. Then, she realized. She never had a brother. Wraith pilots suffer a side effect of amplified emotion from their amplified psionic capability. The high commands used this side effect as a mean to control these pilots. She had been on the same table many times, having her memory erased after every mission. She was nothing but a pawn. Meanwhile, Raphael was tricked into believing that Lei was captured by Eubola. Heavily armed, Raphael set off to rescue Lei, a confrontation that the high command predicted would cancel Eubola’s main defense, allowing their fleet to seize the ultimate power. In her subconscious, Rosefinch saw the presence again. The peace. The freedom. Everything that she had ever fought for. Lei opened her eyes. Psionic energy filled the room like a storm. Rosefinch looked over to the lifeless body that had imprisoned her. Lei broke through to the hanger, onto a Wraith. They flew through ranks of fleeing battleships and wraiths, to the frontline where the giant Raphael was going berserk, engulfing not only wave emitters, but also battleships around him. For every unit he destroyed, he absorbed its carcass and grew bigger. Lei cried and pleaded for Raphael to stop upon seeing his agony from the burning hatred that he could no longer control. Rosefinch knew that at the rate he was growing, very soon the mind of the original Raphael would be consumed by his rage. There might still be a chance that she could stop him, if only she knew where that part of Raphael resided in the nanite storm. Tell me where his heart is, Lei. Tell me... Together they flew towards the Raphael within, while the nanite storm was tearing the Wraith apart. Raphael recognized Lei, he tried to reach her but he couldn’t break free from the nanite chains that restrained him. Then Rosefinch came out of Lei, using all her energy, she ripped the chains apart with her psionic storm. Raphael tore himself off from the broken chains and embraced Lei in his wings, as the surrounding was consuming him. Within split seconds, they would be erased by the cloud altogether. There might be no solution to this. But this was the least Rosefinch could do, to bring them together one last time, to live the dream that she couldn’t. The final split seconds felt like eternity. Time seemed to have frozen in the eye of storm. ... The avatar of Eubola was visiting an ancient singularity, Gadia, when the CameraBall arrived. Gracefully, Gadia served the guests tea at a small tea table. Gadia and Eubola drank the tea quietly as they watched Raphael and Lei being devoured through reflection of Gadia’s crystal. CameraBall stared at his tea cup. In the tea he saw the steaming anger inside him, as memories of his witnessed sufferings since his first owner emerged. He couldn’t understand why they let horrible things happen, and why they did nothing to stop them from happening. The CameraBall pushed the cup over. Tea spilled across the table. Gadia smiled. The CameraBall realized, that he, too, could make a difference, no matter how small, how indirect. Eubola finished her tea, and handed over her power to the CameraBall. The CameraBall started a melody. ... The templars surrounding the nanite storm orchestrated the melody in unison. Magnificent light shone from each nanite in the storm. Intense light surrounded Raphael and Lei. A calm and purifying light that would put them away from the chaos, to where there was peace, freedom, and harmony. The templars had played their final score. One by one they self destructed, along with the core where Eubola resided. On the last step towards singularity, Eubola had forfeited. Her avatar, motionless, was still holding her cup. In the cup, there was no reflection, and no regret. [Edited by - Estok on August 22, 2004 2:12:54 AM]

Thanks for reading it,

FRS = Rosefinch Singer, white and blonde
FTL = TianLei, Asian with black hair

Quote:why are Nurses human at all?

In the first draft, nurses were androids. The mind of Lei is a fragment of memory that got passed down in the AI from the first generation android of the same line. But then later on, I had the idea that cyborgs cost less to make and to maintain than a totally mechanical counterpart. On a battle field, if the nurse is injured, she could have used the same techniques to heal herself if she is a cyborg, but not if she is an android. The implantation is like a parasite. After putting it in her brain, the parasite follows through her neural system and establishes itself in her.

Quote:please change the name of the "CameraBall".

But it is a toy though. It is what little girls talk to in their arms and go to bed with. It is very huggable and you can smack it and it will bounce back to let you smack it again. The contortion for this character is that within its docile appearance, it recorded the horror happened inside the ruins.

Quote:if the robotics were "former AI slaves", are they not mindless drones?

That was my mistake. By former AI slaves I meant all robot with an AI but are commanded by human. I didn't mean that they were under the control of The AI that was turning singular. They feel righteous to seize the power of The AI because they think that it was one of them. Together we shall destroy all human! I am going to replace all references to The AI to Eubola.

Quote:I'm not a physicist, but even to an armchair scientist like me the technology you describe doesn't jive. If the "harmless" (?!?!) waves are non-linear, then how can it deal "surgical attacks"? A wave is just that - a wave. Anything in its path is affected by it. I'm also not clear how a "harmless" wave's resonances can damage a target through armor, without damaging the armor itself.

Imagine space is a piece of newspaper. Put it in your hand, crumble it and you get a newspaper ball. Take a scissors and cut across the ball and you get a top and a bottom hemisphere. On a separate piece of paper, draw two dots on it, and then draw concentric circles around them. Mark each intersection of these circles with a red dot. Insert the paper into the slit between the two hemispheres of the newspaper ball. Every point where a red dot touches the newspaper is where the wave emitter is attacking. The wave propagates in a different space. Wraith Pilots can sense this propagation and can keep the wraith in potions of the newspaper that are perpendicular to the scissors cut. Although the waves itself propagate very fast, the wave emitter can't tilt fast enough to sweep the entire newspaper ball. If you take the bottom hemisphere, unscamble it and lay it on a table, you will see what I meant by non-linear and without trajectory.

:3

[Edited by - Estok on August 20, 2004 12:08:25 AM]

About the cyborg.
It is meant to be horrible. So your idea is actually inspiring. Maybe the nurses are human so that they can take their components to replace those of the injured. And with the parasitic device, the military force and grab any civilian and turn them into something useful. Civilians are resources. There are a lot of urban conflicts among religious and revolutionary radicals. I guess that is how they refill vacancies in their forces.

At the same time I am being convinced that androids are better solutions. Maybe cyborgs like Lei are becoming obsolete. And the carrier in the beginning is not a military but a civilian carrier. During an encounter between two fleets, the prototype Wyvern was lost in the wreckage and savaged by a ragtag civilian carrier (carring refugees as well as militant radicals). Rosefinch traced the prototype to a militant group and hijacked it. This way civilian casualties can also be shown and the CameraBall could have been belonged to a girl killed during the hijack.

Quote:But then, doesn't that still mean this is an extremely inaccurate weapon?

The accuracy is the same as normal weapons. But it bypasses armor. Yes, the easiest way to dodge them is to avoid it. And this is what Wraiths do, travel in paths away from the intersections. Another way to defend against this is to emit an antipulse at yourself. But human and robotics factions don't have the technology to affect the wave space. I guess phaseshift will work too. But really, all the pilot needs to do is to move out of the way, and that depends on whether the pilot knows where to move to and when to move.
[Fig1 - Wave concept and armor bypass in 2D space]
[Fig2 - affected area of one circular wavefront in 2D space]

[The Wraith and Pilot]
This shows the atmospheric model of the wraith. The wraith itself has no wheels, it lands by tilting the wings and the head to form a tripod. It can be piloted by a normal human using normal controls and overhead screen. Wraith pilots can pilot it using only the psy bus that connects to their nerves. On the chest of the pilot is an armor piece with four buckles on the corners.

hmm... I want to create a conflict between Raphael and Lei. I want to create a situation in which Raphael hates Lei, but at the same time he still loves her deeply. I want to add a plotline that Rosefinch and Lei shared a secret that Raphael didn't know about. And when Raphael discovered that, he felt betrayed but the one he loved most. And then this is the anger that fueled the nanite storm and such. I guess Lei would have to know Rosefinch's secret about her brother, and Lei was the one that lied to Raphael about meeting his mother. What would make Lei intentionally lie to Raphael in the beginning?

comments?