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The Last Spartan

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hi all. haven't been to this forum in ages, thought i might pop back in and let everyone know what i've been working on. I'm looking for some resources, so if anyone can think of some good ones, help would be great! The Last Spartan The nameless soldier wakes up from centuries of forced slumber. Not certain of his name, his purpose, or that the world he knew has been dead for ages. A cautious walk through ruined palaces of his past yields no answers, only more questions. Where were his people.. why has his civilization been reduced to ruins? These answers elude, him, as he journeys toward the last intact building, a shrine to the god of war. Perhaps he might find his answers there. It is so. A ghost from his past, the figure of his greatest enemy, the God of destruction. In a flash, sword meets sword as Man fights God. Neither comes out on top, as in a puff of smoke, the God is gone. But not empty handed. The God of war, always pictured adorned with the 5 elements of the ancient world, now lay crumbled, jewels gone. The last pieces of the Spartan's past have been stolen. Pursue Destruction. Recover the elements from his servants. Avenge your civilization. --------------------------------- ok, there's a rough draft of sorts. the parts in italics are names, the likes of which i haven't decided yet.. anyways, yes, i'm basing the characters, weapons, and enemies of this story loosly on ancient mythos and lore. i stress loosely. anyone know of some good resources I could draw from? websites preferable to books, of course :P i apologize for the sketchy premise. I'll reiterate. There are 5 elements, earth, wind, water, fire, and cosmos. gather them all and use their power to defeat god of destruction, and return to your past. there you go, feedback on concept, ideas for for character develpment welcome.

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Alright, this'll probably affect my rating, but I'm going to be brutal.

I feel that this story is cookie-cutter and cliche, with thus-far weak character development and overused concepts. Even Captain Planet used five elements (I think it's because nobody wants to get sued for using Earth, Wind, and Fire, the three strongest elements).

Basically this seems like The Man with no Name a thousand years or so in the past.

I'll assume this is writing for a game, and if you can't top it off with UNBELIEVABLE gameplay (or find a team that can...and I'm talking Viewtiful Joe unbelievable), you're better off scrapping it and starting over.

I really hate to bash this idea, but I'd genuinely be ecstatic to find someone who develops a truly original story, with smart, real characters in a universe that is almost real. The sad thing is, this forum sees ideas similar to this one in nearly every post, and they all recieve the same "Good start, what else?" and a few questions before they die.

I said what I wanted to say, and I'm sorry that it happened to be about your story. I know how it is to have someone tell you your story sucks and you should quit writing, so I'll end on a good note, I guess. Develop your story more. I'll be waiting.

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gah.. i've been away longer than i thought.. you've been here a couple months, do you realize you're talking to someone who's been a regular (if not poster, lurker) of this forum for over a year?

*sigh* as for you're "overly critical" response, I am again reminded why new writers have such a hard time getting in on this forum.

As for your analasis of the plot, you are correct. This story has been told before, but not this far in the past. I didn't think this was terrible, seeing as story is not the selling point of this game.

OMG, the thought that someone would write a story for a game other than an RPG. Unthinkable, isn't it though? This would be a 2-d side-scroller, modeled after the megaman X series. Perhaps I should have specified this earlier, but, I was focusing more on the story.

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The sad thing is, this forum sees ideas similar to this one in nearly every post, and they all recieve the same "Good start, what else?" and a few questions before they die.


hahaha. you didn't read that clearly, did you?

Quote:
anyways, yes, i'm basing the characters, weapons, and enemies of this story loosly on ancient mythos and lore. i stress loosely. anyone know of some good resources I could draw from? websites preferable to books, of course.


I posted this with the sole purpose of getting resources to further my work on this project. After I get some links, I let the thread die, work on my game further, and post again when I have a story that is more worthy of more critique.


ok, now that that's been said, does anyone know of some good online resources for ancient greek mythos? the reason i'm not just [google]ing it is because I want sites that you would recommend, rather than just trawling the web for any lengthy period of time.

..

[/rant]

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I just have thoughts on the title- I think when you use the word Spartan, there is already a connotation that the guy is alone in his mission. I don't know the historical stuff, but in the movie Spartan, they mention a story where, when neighboring countries would request military aid from Sparta, the king of Sparta would reply "sure!" and then would send a single soldier. Also- in Halo 2, the character you play is a Spartan, and I think the connotation is the same. So maybe the title "The Last Spartan" is redundant?

edit- also, since when did the "Member since: " text become a measure of competence?

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Oh. Well, my bad. I always assume that if people are actually willing to consult an anonymous audience that they're willing to

A.) Be ready for the flam3throwers

B.) ACTUALLY develop the story, regardless of genre (because, obviously, if it's worth posting, it must be worth something)

C.) Not take offense personally.

But hey, I guess I was wrong. Also, I'd appreciate it if you didn't attack my membership age, since I LOST the password to my first account quite a few years back (hey, I hated the name anyway...*shudder*), because that's immature. For all you know, I could be every anon poster on this board. So please, don't condescend to me, especially not on the intraweb.


Quote:

there you go, feedback on concept, ideas for for character develpment welcome.


Now, since you want RESOURCES, maybe you should've reconsidered adding that little bit, huh? But I can't link you directly to resources, but history channel's website might help you if you want to go with a small bit of historical aspects. You can dig into any mythos you want, it doesn't really matter, because they're all fundamentally the same.

[Edited by - Boku San on October 10, 2004 10:25:39 PM]

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Original post by pinacolada
edit- also, since when did the "Member since: " text become a measure of competence?


agreeably, not much. I'm not boasting, but at the same time if one had seen some of my previous input in this forum then its perhaps a little expected not to be treated as a complete noob.

as for the correlation between 'Spartan' and 'Halo' (not just the second game but the first as well :P) i have looked into that and apparently such a name is taken. shame on me for not looking deeper in to that, i suppose. Name aside, I assure i'm drawing more from the context of the word (i.e. ancient greek civilizations) more than its recongintion, as in Halo.

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Guest Anonymous Poster
Im not sure that just because you've been here longer you are in a position to say that he is wrong. You came asking for opinions, he gave you his opinion and you told him it was wrong, that he "didn't read it clearly". You should just thank him for reading your post, for taking the time to form an opinion, for then taking even more time to post his opinion and THEN explaining his opinion, not get on him because its not what you wanted to hear.

Now I agree with Boku San, the plot line is skimpy at best, proboblay because you didn't write much about it, and what you do have contains things from every other post on this forum....ie. you must have item A to defeat boss B, there are elements involved...blah blah blah. Maybe you should think over the in between and get to how the last boss is destroyed AFTER everything else is in place. Possibly your character could have a reason to want to get back to the past, maybe the whole trip he goes on was something he forgot he agreed to in his past life or something other then, he finds his old nemisis.

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This might be good to read, Chokki.

And either way, membership lengths just shouldn't be brought up in here, ever. In the lounge, maybe, because some people weren't around when, say, Yoda was taklng abt POPpETts or whatever.

Anyways, yeah, I would agree that Spartan ought to be changed, but otherwise, I guess it could make a decent game. It won't be huge hit I imagine, unless you really ramp up the plot some or have great gameplay.

As for the main difference being that it's "in the past"... well, I guess I've read stories just like this far too often to be interested anymore in such a basic description.

Do you have any more details you can give us? If you have some other ideas to flesh it out, it would probably be more interesting and we could actually give you useful advice instead of just blasting something we don't understand.

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Original post by Avatar God
This might be good to read, Chokki.

And either way, membership lengths just shouldn't be brought up in here, ever. In the lounge, maybe, because some people weren't around when, say, Yoda was taklng abt POPpETts or whatever.

Anyways, yeah, I would agree that Spartan ought to be changed, but otherwise, I guess it could make a decent game. It won't be huge hit I imagine, unless you really ramp up the plot some or have great gameplay.

As for the main difference being that it's "in the past"... well, I guess I've read stories just like this far too often to be interested anymore in such a basic description.

Do you have any more details you can give us? If you have some other ideas to flesh it out, it would probably be more interesting and we could actually give you useful advice instead of just blasting something we don't understand.


my sincerest apologies, to all. bah, i just don't like flame posts. that aside, yes, this post was probably too sketchy. and, yes, should have been more to the point of what i was asking for.

allow me to reitterate, please.

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This idea of mine began a short time ago as I was playing the GBA game Megaman: Zero 2. A fun game, to be certain, fun enough that I felt there was merit to make a game similar to it, but with a different (and hopefully better) story line.

further more, lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about the steriotypical hero. Often he is lauded by the player, and characters in the game, because he is in fact so steriotypical. Instead, I thought it would be better if the hero was in fact glorified for being who he was.

In this game, there would be no diologue what so ever. Everything about the player, enemies, and bosses would be implied, throught the use of cutscenes and in-game experience. This would be interesting, becuase what is going on story wise won't always be clear.

for example, in the opening scene, the hero and a heroine fight side by side, defeating hordes of enemies and breaking into a fortress of greek architecture. Inside, the hero tries to kill the heroine, for reasons not truly explained. I would like to tell you what exactly it would be meant by this, but i am still working on the story.

As i had origionally intended by this thread, I am looking for resources to draw on for the characters and locations of this game. perhaps i should have put it in the design forum, as i realize now.

that said, i hope there are no misgivings between myself and the other posters in this thread.

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Oh...wow, now we're getting somewhere. This raises the "style" level of the game, and it differentiates it from all those other crappy games. As long as you have no dialogue (even when it seems that it would be necessary), you're doing something different. Games without dialog have been done quite a bit, but they have seldom been story-driven.

Again, I can't help with historic resources, but I now actually support something like this. I also support the "promise made in a past life", because it hasn't been done a lot recently.

One suggestion, though, is that you don't pretend the game has dialogue (the "foreign language that you don't understand" route suX). If you're going with no dialogue, make sure that your modeller/spriter (you said this was...2d?) is very talented and can easily make characters convey emotions and thoughts, and that you don't narrate. Narration destroys games.

Good luck, and all is forgivenified =).



...google

[Edited by - Boku San on October 10, 2004 10:17:08 PM]

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