I will now state some things about myself, which the majority of the people on this site did not know. I would first like to say that I don't expect anything in return. I'm mostly doing this for myself, as an exercise in self-acceptation and confidence. If my experience can help others who are in the same situation (And I know there are others, although these things are never easy to talk about), then the better. If you recognize yourself in what I say and would like to discuss those issues, feel free to contact me. Here I go. I said this was "my coming out" in the title. This is a term typically employed by gay people. Well, that's probably what many of you expected to hear, but I'm not gay. I have always been attracted to girls, only, and there is really no incertitude about that. I do have a secret, however. Something particular about me which I am shy to talk about. I am what is called a transsexual. I would first like to clarify by mentioning that I didn't ever have any surgery of any kind. I fit the following definition (from dictionary.com), which is the true definition of the word:

Quote:A person with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one sex, but whose personal identification and psychosocial configuration is that of the opposite sex.

I'm physically a guy. I look just like all other guys. In fact, people never ever suspected anything. What is different is that I always had a very strong desire to be a girl. Since as long as I can remember (since age 5, and even before), I felt like I wasn't meant to be a boy. I can't really give you a clear logical reason, because there is none. The closest thing that I could see as a cause is the fact that I grew without a father (I never met him), and my mother never had any boyfriends after my father left. So I was raised entirely by my mother, with no hint of a father model. However, I also know that my father had similar gender disphoria, and suspect it might have been genetically transmitted. What does this mean, in detail? It means I have difficulty accepting the fact that I am a man, physically. I also connect with girls more than alot of guys. I am generally a sensitive and emotive person and I loathe violence, aggressiveness, etc... When I was a kid, I would play dress-up. I had the occasion of dressing up in girls clothing a few times, and it always felt great. I felt more powerful when I did. One might think the desire to have a feminine body and a feminine image is something purely sexual, but I can assure you that at 5 years old, I had no clue what sexual desire even meant. I eventually told my mother about how I felt. Unfortunately, she rejected this. She simply told me that I should avoid any public display of such tendencies, and not talk to anyone about it. And from that time on, I never did anything else. I must have tried some of my mother's clothes when I was 11 or 12, but that was it. I did so well at hiding it, that nobody ever suspected anyone. My mom ended up even forgetting that I ever told her about it. But it was always there. I always had the overwhelming desire that something was very wrong in my life, and it disturbed me. I still have that feeling. However, I recently begun discussing such issues with my close friends, my mother, and found that most people had a good degree of acceptation (Living in Canada helps with this). I bought myself girl clothes. I got in contact with other transsexuals online. I found out it was a rather diverse community. For some strange reason, alot of them are in science/engineering. It's also a community that has it's problems. Namely some very negative people and some shemale-lovers (gay men who can't face their homosexuality and find it convenient to find women with male genitalia) which keep harassing anyone that ever mentions they are a transsexual. At the state I am in today, I am more accepting of myself. I have been thinking about surgery. For the moment I simply can't afford the 25000+$ it would cost to get everything done properly, by skilled surgeons (Yes, it must be cheap to get "it" cut-off in Mexico, but that's not exactly what I want). If I am to become a woman, I would like to be entirely passable. This requires many surgical procedures besides sex reassignment, including breast implants, facial feminization surgery, vocal cord surgery, and other improvements such as laser hair removal. My mother still isn't open to this possibility. But I don't really care. If I was a stable financial situation and the spare money to do it, I wouldn't think twice. I might do it one day, if my business endeavors are successful, and if I am not already established (with a wife and children, for example), in which case I would not consider it. Finally, I would like to say that I am not going to change nickname, nor am I expecting anybody to refer to me as a "she", or call me by a feminine name. I would also like to say that if you think my problem is due to the influence of satan, I don't want to hear what you have to say. Comments, questions, and encouragements are welcome.

Quote:Original post by Hedos
It's the power female programmers have on this board which converted you isn't it?
I must say I often think it's quite tempting! Just look at their ratings!

But well, sorry for lacking seriousness in my post, to be completely honest, this is disturbing me a bit. I hope things turn out well for you, do what you feel is the best.

Disturbing? I suppose I had a well established image as "a guy". But it doesn't really change who I am that you know this.

As for the ratings... Well... I don't plan on changing my nickname so, I probably won't get such a rating boost ;)

Well I don't know about the surgery. Of course I can't stay I understand how you feel but isn't there any way you can accept your male body ? I guess kind of in the same way that fat people accept their fat body ? To me, the surgery just isn't worth it I guess. You can still "dress-up" and meet with people with similar tendancies without what might amount to royally fucking up your system.


That said, I admire what you have just done, it takes guts to admit, and even accept such things yourself in a society such as ours.

Quote:Actually, I would like to know what made you decide this, other than having a better attachment with girls than guys, if you don't mind. Really, what happened?

I never really "decided" it. I just was always that way. I just feel it's right. It's mostly a psychological issue. However, it's one that can't be fixed. I tried, but I can't seem to convince myself I should be a guy.

Quote:Well I don't know about the surgery. Of course I can't stay I understand how you feel but isn't there any way you can accept your male body? I guess kind of in the same way that fat people accept their fat body? To me, the surgery just isn't worth it I guess. You can still "dress-up" and meet with people with similar tendancies without what might amount to royally fucking up your system.

That said, I admire what you have just done.

Well. At the moment I'm not considering it. I'm mostly growing my hair long and dressing in a more "androgynous" way. I might also get laser epilation, at least on the face. I want to have kids eventually, so I can't even consider getting surgery without going to a sperm bank to make a "deposit" first. However, I'm not sure I can trust an institution with this. As for acceptation. It's just difficult. Everytime I look at myself in the mirror I'm reminded that I'm not who I want to be. And your physical image has a powerful influence on your feelings.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Since when do fat people 'accept their body'?

Quote:Original post by Deyja
Since when do fat people 'accept their body'?

Well, one of my friend got over it a few months ago. Some people ARE fat and can't do anything about it.