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Dual Rings - a fantasy story for an action rpg

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This is a story I am thinking about for a long time, so you are not going to see a first draft here. However, this is the first time I write down the story. This is a story for an action rpg I am planning. Right now, I only made simple games, and I know it will take a while before I will be able to make this game, but I want to post my story here and develop it more. If you don't want to read the whole story, I've writen a summary of it below -------------------------------------------------------------- Since the first moment the world exists, there were heria and beria, the two rings of power. The rings gave the wearer power, charisma, ever youth and endless courage. However, those gifts came with a price - the lost of freedom. The wearer of heria became the herion, champion of light, and was fated to search for evil and destroy it. The wearer of beria, became the berion, champion of darkness, and was doomed to wander the world and cause havoc wherever his lags take him. Resisting those fates was impossible, since the rings changed the heart of their wearers to the one of a true crusader. Even though the wearing the rings came with such a great cost, many people wanted the rings for the power and glory. Once a man touched one of the rings, it pinned itself on his finger, and could not be removed from there. However, the rings dissolve dead flesh on thouch, so the only way to take one of the rings from it's wearer is to kill him. Both the herion and the berion had to fight many warriors who tried to kill them and take the rings. Only the mightiest warriors could wear one of the rings. The weaker ones would be killed in a short time if they ever touch the one of the rings. Naturaly, a war raged between the herion and the berion, some say between the heria and the beria. While fighting each other with the power of the rings, the two crusaders caused great destruction upon the land. The last herion, Raul, decided to put an end to the suffering of the people. He built an underground tomb, and temped Kaleros, the berion in that time, to fight him. Raul had manoeuvred the battle to the inside of the tomb, and his friends sealed the tomb with a big statue. Raul sacrificed what left of his freedom to free the world from the war between light and darkness. It is sayed that the two warriors fight each other to this very day. --------------------------------------------------------------- The tale of the rings is just a tale, one of many. But for the Vora village, it is also a source of income. It is said that the last battle between Raul and Kaleros have happened here. Vora has become a small tourism center. People come to view the statue of Raul, and pay good money for a guided tour in the vilage. 17 years old Kyle doesn't realy care about the tale. After three years under the training of Edmond, the village's famed swordmaster, he is now a member of the hunters guild. Today he goes with his best friend Lance for a real hunt for the first time in his life. Who have time for ancient legends? Kyle and Lance place a trap inside the forest of Vora, hoping to catch a deer. They didn't expected to catch a huge ogre! The small trap could not harm the ogre. It only made it mad. The ogre started running. The two hunters were relieved. That is, until they realized the ogre is dashing in the direction of their home! Lance knew the ogre is faster then him. Nevertheless, he ran after it, knowing he can at least help the survivors of the future ogre passage through Vora. Kyle was more reckless. He managed to catch one of the trap's ropes that were hanged from the ogre, and tried to stop it's gallop with the strikes of his sword. He was not strong enough. The ogre made it to the village, where Kyle lost his hold on the rope. He also lost his consciousness. Luckily, the ogre made enough noise to warn the people of the village, so there were no casualties. However, the famous statue of the hero Raul was destroyed, revealing an opening in the ground. When Kyle woke up, he saw the villagers standing around the opening, staring at it. "What is it?", a villager asked. "Stay away from this. You might fall." another voice said. "Calm down you all!" said the head of the village. "We don't know what's inside. We need to be very careful" he decided. Kyle was never the careful tpye. "You are a bunch of cowards!" Kyle shouted, "We will never know what's inside as long as we are standing here". and before anyone was able to stop him, he jumped inside. Kyle walked through a long corridor. On the end, two warriors fighted in a clash of swords. One of them had heard Kyle's footsteps and turned around. That was the mistake his opponent has waited for. He stabbed him in the back, and with a cry of victory, he entered the corridor and started running. "Kid..." the fallen warrior murmured with the last of his strength. "The... red raven order... in the city of Talory... must be informed... that Karelos has escaped!" and with those final words, he passed away. Kyle intended to run back to Vora and tell the head of the village what he just saw. However, something amazing happened in frot of Kyle astonished eyes. The falled warriors body and clothes turned into white light, and disappeared. Only a small, shiny ring was left of his gear. "I better get this ring to the head of the village" Kyle thought, and picked up the ring. But the ring had it's own will. It floated and placed itself on his finger. No matter how hard Kyle tried, he could not remove the ring. Hv then Kyle recalled the tale of the rings. "I just released Karelos!!!" he panicked. "The legend is true, and I just ended the peace we had for centuries". And if that man was Karelos, then the other man is ought to be Raul, the hero, and that means that the ring Kyle just picked up is the heria. "I can't be the herion!!!" Kyle frightened. "I am not a might warrior. I can't bear the fate of the world on my shoulders!". Then, it hit him. "The head of the village will know what to do", and with this hope, Kyle entered the corridor and started walking to the surface. The head of the village knew what to do. "You are not suitable for that duty" he said. "The ring should be given to Edmond, since he is the best warrior in our village." Kyle began to relax. The head of the village know what he is doing. But there is a problem in his plan. "But I can't remove the ring." he said. "How can I give it to Edmond if I can't remove it?" The head of the village thought about it. "The only way we can transfer the ring to Edmond is by killing you". Kyle didn't want to be the herion. He also didn't want to die. He preferred being the herion over dying. "You got to be joking!" he said. "You can't be intending to kill me". "You must understand, Kyle." the head of the village explained. "If Karelos won't be stopped, the world will suffer. This is bigger then you and me. Lance, you also placed the trap and angred the ogre, so you are partially responsible for this. Execute Kyle and you will be forgiven". Lance stood before Kyle and drawed his sword. "Not you too!" sayed Kyle. "I thought we were friends". "Sorry Kyle," Lance said. "The world must be saved, and you can't do it." he explained and attacked Kyle. The ring gave Kyle agility. He managed to escape the strike and draw his sword. He fought back, but Edmond joined the battle. Even with the ring, Kyle was not skilled enough to defeat his teacher. He used the speed he gained from the ring to flee from the village. Walking away from his home, a little inner voice told Kyle he is acting selfishly. Kyle ignored that voice. After all, his life are very important. The ring has already started changing him. Filled with courage Kyle decided he can be the herion and stop Karelos. Following the only clue he has, Kyle began his way to the city of Talory, in search for the red raven order... --------------------------------------------------------------- summarization of the story There are two rings of power - the heria and the beria. The wearer of the heria becomes the herion, champion of light, and the wearer of the beria becomes the berion, champion of darkness. The rings replace themself on the finger of anyone who thouch them, and can only be removed from the wear after he is dead. The war between the herion and the berion ruined the land. The last herion, Raul, trapped himself and the last berion Karelos, inside an underground tomb, hoping to free the world from the war between them. Years later, Kyle, a 17 years old novice of the hunters guild, accidently finds the tomb and interrupts the battle. Karelos uses this interruption to kill Raul and escape. Raul asks Kyle to inform the red raven order about this, and then he died. Kyle want to bring the ring to the head of his village, but when he touches it, he becomes the herion. The head of the village decides to kill Kyle and give the ring to Edmond, a more experienced warrior. Kyle escapes the village and begin his journey to find the red raven order. --------------------------------------------------------------- I won't post here the rest of the story, because it will be a spoiler. However, here are some important points: 1)This is not a simple good versus evil plot. The reign of pure light is as dangerous to the world as the reign of pure darkness. Balance is the best thing for the world. 2)The red raven order had been founded by Raul before he traped Karelos in the underground tomb. Raul feared Karelos might win some day, so he trusted the order with all the knowledge he possess about Karelos, his tactics and strategies, and his fighting style. 3)The herion is not always the hero. The heria does not give it's wearer the quality of self sacrifice, which is a requirement for the hero role. However, if the wearer is a hero deep inside, the ring can reveal this nature of him. That's what happened to Raul, and the same thing will happen to Kyle. 4)I try to keep away from the chosen one plot. Raul was not destined to trap Karelos in the tomb. He planned it. Kyle was not destined to interrupt the battle between Raul and Karelos and to be the herion. It was just luck(or the lack of luck). The people who will join Kyle will not join him because they are destined to do it. They will join him because they are trapped in the charisma enhancing effect of the heria. Also, the adventures Kyle experience while trying to kill Karelos are not decided by fate. Kyle is simply guided by the red raven order. So, what do you think of my story? I can take anything (your life too, if you say bad things about my story)

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If you want to focus on the development of the main characters, perhaps you should present the main characters out of the story context, as more of a character design format sort of thing.

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Very well. I don't know how my charecters will look like right now, but I have a good idea about their personalities.

Kyle - the leading hero
Characteristics
Kyle is reckless, but he has good intentions. He thinks he can do everything, but if he fails, he just tries again. Kyle never thinks about tomorrow.
What will become of him
Kyle will try to kill Karelos, without success. Near the end of the game, after seeing what the war between them has done to the world, Kyle will decide to make a sacrifice - not as great as Kerelos, but more effective.

Lance - the childhood friend
Characteristics
Lance is the sound and reasonable one. He always try think ahead. He constantly tries to stop Kyle from doing stupid things, but he usualy don't have enough time before Kyle goes into action. But of that, Lance misses many of Kyle advantures and pranks, and watches Kyle gets all the fame on the good ones. That makes him jealous of Kyle, and Lance tries to leave Kyles shadow. That is the reason Lance don't hesitate when the head of the vilage orders him to kill his friend.
What will become of him
Lance don't think Kyle is suitable for being the herion. He hears a legend about the daleos, a legendary weapon, that can be used to stop an unsuitable herion or berion. Lance tries to find the daleos, without any success.

Edmond - the famed swordmaster
Characteristics
Edmond is defined by is trade. He thinks he is the best, and no one has beaten him yet, but that's because he stayes in Vora. Edmond is swollen, but he don't have to much self confidence like Kyle. He is married to his duty, but only he knows what is duty is.
What will become of him
Edmond thinks his duty is to kill Kyle and claim the heria, so he leaves the village in a pursuit after him. Edmond finds out that he is not as big shot as he has thought. Eventually, Edmond realized that he is not the greatest warrion in the world, and joins Kyle.

Karelos - the champion of darkness
Characteristics
Karelos was not born evil. He is a nice fellow when you get to know him. He have no choice but to be evil. Karelos knows to show respect to his enemies and to compliment them for good moves. This doesn't make him any less ruthless. Before he beame the berion, Karelos was driven by the aspiration for being the best warrior in the world. This aspiration still effects him, and can be showen in his action.
What will become of him
Karelos's character is not going to have a real development. He has lived for centuries, and he will stay the same man for the rest of the game - the crusader of darkness.


This is what I have right now, but I plan to add more characters in the future.

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