What's up guys, it's been a while since I've been active in gamedev. I've left this hobby (at least for now, and mabey quite longer) in persuit of girls. I understand we have some casanova's on gamedev, but I can't do both. And I'm happy about my choice. Anyways, that's just a little background for those who didn't know. And to those who don't remember me, well lets just say this was a big part of my life some time ago. Anyways, I'm reviving the whole 'let's talk girls' threads that everyone seems to love/hate. The only reason why I'm going to a 'video game website for girl advice' is because this is a very active community, and you guys are fun too. Plus, I like to see what you guys are up to. So here's my deal: I met this really hot girl at a party a couple of weeks ago, I got her phone number, made a date with her a week later, and well, I kinda sucked. She told my friend that night after the date 'It didn't click'. She also told him I was 'uptight'. But the thing is, I didn't think I was nearvous or anything, but I guess I was subconsiously. We went to see a movie. She couldn't do anything at 7:00 and there were no movies playing at 8:00, so we had to go see a 9:30 showing. But I was late and we had to see a 9:50 showing. :/ And I don't know that part of town as well as I should, so she had to give me directions to the theater. [headshake] Now I don't think I'm uptight normally, and I think we need to give it another shot. So a couple of nights later, I asked her online if she wanted to go ice skating. She kept on trying to change the subject, and so I was turned down. But we talk often (on aim) as friends, and we get along well. She doesn't think I'm still trying to persue her though. The goal of that second date was to actually interact with her, which didn't happen much during the movie. Movie dates suck as first dates, remember that. So I think I'm going to ask her to hang out at her place sometime. And if she starts to turn me down, I'll say "as friends. We're friends right?" Then she'll agree I'm sure. Now what I'm asking you guys is: How do I attract this girl? She told me I was kinda boring during the date too, so I gotta work on that :/ I know how to not be boring, but I find it risky to act that way sometimes, but I gotta do what I gotta do I guess. How, oh, how can I get this girl interested in me? Body language, what? There's gotta be something I'm missing. I understand that if this goes well, and she does decide she likes me, then we'll take it from there. Otherwise I'm cool with being friends, cause I don't even know if I like her. That's why I wanna hang out with her. I know a bunch of you guys think I'm an idiot for posting about this subject in a nerd website, but I assure you, you are not my only source, I'm just trying to get as many opinions as possible.

You need to take some psychology and acting classes, or at the very least read up on the two yourself. It's obvious that you just want to manipulate her to your own liking, and those are the two skills that would help most.

I usually try to stay out of these, mostly because I find them more entertaining when I can read them from a purely detached point of view. However, I'm bored and feeling rather reckless today.

Personally, I'd say the bottom line is that you don't magically create attraction. It might be possible to manipulate people to think they like you, or to create a facade that someone may be attracted to, but ultimately that kind of falseness will break down and cause problems. It simply isn't worth it in the long run.

I know it's probably the last thing you want to hear at the moment, but the only way to really have a genuine attraction is to be the kind of person that she's attracted to. That doesn't mean you should try to become that person - it means you should be who you are, and if she doesn't like it, then move on. There's nowhere near enough time in life to mangle yourself as a person for the sake of someone who you don't even know well enough yet.


So here's the advice that I'd offer: get to know her first, and make sure she knows you. Attraction is something that should only start to come into play once you are familiar with each other; attraction purely on first impressions and a botched movie date is statistically not likely to go anywhere good in the long run. My view is in the minority around here, but going from "friends" to "more than friends" is not only possible, but IMHO it's the only really good way to go.

Thanks, but yeah, I dont' wanna create a false sense of attraction. I just wanna bring it on, if it's there. I'm trying to figure out, if it's a good idea to hang out at her house for a while, and then go somewhere or whatever. I'm not sure. I think I'm going to ask her to do that this weekend, then I'll say something came up, then I'll do it next week. I'm trying to lose her "i'm needy and insecure" view of me. She's always the one to end the conversation. Next time, I'll try to beat her to it. Thanks, I just needed some moral support.

Quote:Original post by ApochPiQ
Personally, I'd say the bottom line is that you don't magically create attraction. It might be possible to manipulate people to think they like you, or to create a facade that someone may be attracted to, but ultimately that kind of falseness will break down and cause problems. It simply isn't worth it in the long run.

I've got so much to say about this subject, but I'll just post a Double Your Dating newsletter instead because I'm lazy. But belive this! Also, if people really dislike me posting these huge newsletters, then feel free to ask a mod to remove them, but they ARE helpful.

And yeah, movie dates suck, don't do them.

Actualy here are two, both very worth reading, and they WILL (notice, I didn't say "most likely") help you:

Quote:
How Attraction Works For Women

--------------------------------------------------
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AN INTERESTING STORY (OR SO)...

There are two basic stories for how men and women
"start off" together, and two basic stories for how
men and women "end up".

Through all of time, I'm sure that men and women
have been playing out these stories... and I'm sure
that they'll continue to play them out long into the
future (that is, unless I have something to say about
it... and I do).


THE MEETING STORIES

Here's "Meeting Story #1":

Boy is attracted to girl. Unfortunately, boy doesn't
have a clue about how to make girl feel ATTRACTION
for him... so instead he tries to "pursue" girl by
offering her dinners, gifts, and flowers. Girl finds
boy "nice", but there are no "sparks", so she "just
likes him as a friend".

Here's "Meeting Story #2":

Boy is attracted to girl. Fortunately for him,
boy understands ATTRACTION, and begins to communicate
with girl in a way that makes her feel a powerful
physical and emotional response for boy that she can't
control. The sparks fly, and boy and girl "get together".

As I'm sure you know...

In story #1, GIRL is in total control of the situation,
and both of them know it.

In story #2, BOY is the one who's in control of
the situation.


THE STORIES OF HOW THINGS "END UP"

Let's assume that somehow boy and girl actually
"get together". Things usually go one of two ways
after that...

Here's "End Up Story #1":

Boy and girl get together. Boy realizes that he
"REALLY likes" girl. Boy begins to act more and more
predictable. Boy starts to share "how he feels" about
girl too often. Boy becomes more and more submissive.
Girl loses that feeling of ATTRACTION that she once
had for boy, and has no way of explaining or understanding
why. Girl leaves boy, and boy is left wondering what
happened.

Here's "End Up Story #2":

Boy and girl get together. Boy understands that
no matter how much he likes girl, he cannot let himself
become a Wussy who chases girl around "sharing how
he feels" and become boring. Boy keeps the relationship
interesting, and he keeps challenging girl. He stays
in control of himself, and by understanding his role
as "The Man" in the relationship, keeps girl interested
and attracted to him into the future.

And again, as I'm sure you know...

In story #1, GIRL is in total control of the situation,
and both of them know it.

In story #2, BOY is the one who's in control of
the situation.

If you look at your experience with women, I'm
sure you'll see that these short stories describe
MOST of the experiences you've had.

Now, of course there are slight twists and variations,
but the message is clear:

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND HOW ATTRACTION WORKS FOR WOMEN...
AND HOW TO KEEP THE ATTRACTION GOING WHEN YOU MEET
A WOMAN YOU REALLY LIKE.

If you don't understand ATTRACTION and how it works,
then you are destined to keep playing out these same
stories for the rest of your life. It's very unlikely
that you'll stumble upon the "magic solution" by accident...


ATTRACTION IS DIFFERENT FOR WOMEN THAN IT IS FOR MEN--
VERY DIFFERENT

The reality is that you CAN stop this negative
pattern if you WANT to.

But the key is:

1) Understanding how ATTRACTION works for WOMEN.

2) Understanding YOURSELF so you don't ALLOW yourself
to act like a Wussy, become boring, and turn a good
thing into a bad one... but instead you do the RIGHT
things to keep everything on the right track.

If you know how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION
for you, then you can control your destiny with women.
If you DON'T know how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION
for you, then you cannot control your destiny with
women.

Read that paragraph again, and think about it for
a minute before you go on.

OK, so I mentioned that ATTRACTION is very different
for women than it is for men.

Different how?

What do I mean by that?

Well, generally speaking, for a woman, ATTRACTION
is a PROCESS... not an "event". It happens over time,
and it becomes stronger or weaker depending upon how
well the man in the situation understands how it works.

For a man, ATTRACTION is much more of an "event",
meaning that it's either there or it isn't. It really
doesn't matter whether or not the woman understands
how it works. (As an interesting side note, if a woman
really knows how ATTRACTION works, and her intention
is to manipulate a man, it usually works VERY well.)

So think of a woman's "Attraction Mechanism" more
like a volume knob than a light switch.

It's like a fantastic, classy old car that needs
to warm up for a long time before you can drive it...
not like a brand new Honda that you can start up and
get right on the freeway with.

Here's a little secret about women and ATTRACTION:
If you'll just take a little longer in every situation
to AMPLIFY a woman's ATTRACTION, she'll love you for it...
and you'll experience rewards that will make the extra
time you spent seem like the best investment of your
entire life.

Here are a few specific tips for you for the "Meeting
Phase":

1) Start with something STRONG, not with something
WEAK.

When a guy finds a girl interesting, he usually
turns into a ball of nervous mush. Then, he usually
makes the mistake of letting the woman KNOW that he's
nervous and weak.

Don't do it.

Do something STRONG.

Challenge her.

If she thinks that she's cool, make fun of her.
If she's smart, argue with her a little. If she's
doing something, tell her that you could do it better.

When you PUSH a little, and show some BACKBONE,
she'll push back. That's your sign that the GAME IS
ON.

If you just chase after her like the 100 other
Wussies that have been bothering her this week, you
will just be another boring, predictable face in the
crowd.


2) Keep the TENSION UP.

One of my favorite concepts is "Never let the line
go slack".

This means that once you SPARK the "chemistry"
or "sexual tension", you need to KEEP IT UP.

Just because she starts doing things that hint
to you that she's interested doesn't mean that it's
time to STOP. Quite the opposite, actually.

Turn UP the volume a little. It's working, so do
more!


3) Tease.

The word "tease" has a couple of meanings.

One of the meanings has to do with doing things
that are slightly annoying to get a response from
someone.

The other meaning is subtly different, and has
to do with drawing out a response that you want by
doing certain things that indirectly trigger it.

Do both.

If you're about to kiss her, wait until your lips
are so close that you can almost feel her... and then
STOP. Pull away, and smile.

If you want to know how she feels about you, say
"You LOVE me" in a condescending tone of voice, and
see how she responds. If she says "NO I DON'T!" in
an exaggerated, mocking way, then she probably DOES
"love" you.

Teasing is fantastic. Do more of it.

And here are a few tips for the "End Up" phase:

1) Never become BORING.

Being predictable and boring is a cardinal sin
when it comes to ATTRACTION.

Don't do either.

Of course, telling a man not to be predictable
is like telling a dog not to hump your leg.

Most guys are PAINFULLY predictable.

We LIKE being predictable, actually. I get it.

But when it comes to a woman you enjoy, you'd better
figure out a way to STOP IT.

There's nothing that will kill the sparks faster
than her knowing what you're about to do or say.

2) Don't hand over control.

Women like men who make decisions and take the
lead. Now, I'm not saying that women like men who
are overly controlling. What I am saying is that
women don't like guys who are always saying things
like "I don't know, what do YOU want to do, baby?".

Women don't want men that they can control, so
don't be one.

3) Respect yourself, and keep your own interests.

When a guy meets a woman he likes, he often wants
to spend as much time as possible with her.

This is natural, of course.

But there's a big danger here, as well.

If you put your life aside for a woman, you will
become less interesting to HER.

In the long run, it's MUCH better to keep your
friends, your interests, and your hobbies, and to
spend time doing the things you enjoy... WITHOUT
HER.

And I think it's VERY important to keep improving
yourself as a person, and continue to be a guy that
she can look up to and respect.

As soon as you start acting like she's going to
be around forever, she'll start feeling less and less
ATTRACTION for you.


THE BIGGER PICTURE

Now, as you read these examples, can you see the
bigger picture forming?

Can you see the deeper message?

The deeper message is that you need to understand
how ATTRACTION works for women, and you need to do
those things that keep the ATTRACTION BUILDING FOREVER.

Now, where does this all begin?

It begins with YOU.

And it begins with you learning how to control
yourself and your emotions. It begins with you needing
to understand the history of how and why men and women
become attracted to each other. It begins with you
learning the basics of how to use subtle body language
and communication to make women feel ATTRACTION for
you.

Quote:
How To Act On The First Date

--------------------------------------------------
To safely and permanently exclude yourself from
future mailings just click the link at the end
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no cost e-letter, visit www.DoubleYourDatingAdvice.com
--------------------------------------------------


***THIS WEEK'S QUESTION***

As you might imagine, I get a lot of guys writing
in asking some variation of the question:

"How should I act on the first date?"

I get a lot of specific questions that are basically
variations of this... things like:

"What should we talk about?" and "How do you keep
the conversation interesting?"

So instead of answering one specific question, I'm
going to lump them all together... and I'm going to
just address them all in this Q&A Dating Tip.

Here goes...


THE FIRST DATE ISN'T AN INTERVIEW

The first thing to remember when you're meeting
up with a girl for "a date" is that it's NOT an INTERVIEW.

You're not applying for a job (and neither is she),
so don't act like it.

It's so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant
and I hear a couple that's obviously out on their
first date... and the guy has no idea what to do.

It sounds like this:

"So, did you grow up around here?"

"Where did you go to school?"

"Do you have brothers and sisters?"

"What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?"

Painful.

Why is it that people tend to act like they're
on job interviews when they go out on dates?

It's just such the NOT-right thing to do.

I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other
and complain about how hard it is to find an interesting
guy in this world.

Here's a good rule of thumb:

ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT COMMON, BORING,
PREDICTABLE TOPICS LIKE SCHOOL, WORK AND FAMILY IF
YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY RUN OUT OF ALL OTHER OPTIONS...
AND YOU REALLY ENJOY THAT CURIOUS DRY FEELING RIGHT
WHERE YOUR LEGS MEET.

And why is this?

Good question. And I'm glad you asked.

First, let's talk about WHY most guys allow the
conversation to turn to these ultra-boring topics...

Most guys approach a first date from the perspective
of "I don't want to screw this up".

In other words, they try to play it safe and not
do anything or say anything that the girl might not
like.

They try to present themselves as "nice guys" who
love mom, have a good job, and are stable.

Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they
act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old
things that everyone else uses to bore women to tears
that they might get lucky and score (or at least get
a kiss and a second opportunity to buy dinner).

I don't know where this concept came from, but
it's just not a very effective approach.

WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD,
BORING, PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION.

Attraction happens when there is energy, spice,
humor, mystery... COCKY AND FUNNY... and special sauce.

So if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of
BOREDOM, you're going to have to learn a new way.

You're going to have to learn to talk about something
else.

The trick to not talking about the "usual" things
is to know how to make conversation INTERESTING.

Let me ask you... what are the most INTERESTING
topics to humans in general?

Hint: Think best-selling books and TV shows...

Right - drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that
is painful to one of the parties involved.

Here are a few good ideas for conversation that
come to mind:

-Any Hollywood scandal involving anyone famous and
anyone of the opposite sex that's famous

-Any relationship drama going on between any pop star
and their new or ex boy/girl friend

-Anything that has to do with hip hop artists spending
too much money on rims that spin or diamonds in their
teeth

These topics will light up a conversation like
nobody's business. And they create all kinds of opportunities
to be cocky and funny while talking about the misfortunes
and neurotic behavior of others.

The trick is that you must remember you're NOT
there to impress her, and you're NOT on a job interview.

The more you act nervous, stilted, and uncomfortable...
like you're trying to impress her and get her approval...
and like you don't want to say anything that might
make her disapprove of you, the less likely you are
to trigger that all-important ATTRACTION inside of
her.

And here's a real twist on this theme:

If SHE starts asking the "normal" questions about
school, job, family, etc. this is a perfect opportunity
to bust on her and say "What, is this a job interview?"

Or "Can't you think of something interesting to
talk about? Please, spare me the pain of the usual
school-job-family conversation. Let's save that until
we're picking names for our kids."

If you MUST talk about something "normal" or "regular",
try sprinkling in a few of these ideas:

1) History. Women love to hear stories about the history
of places. If you're in an interesting part of town,
tell her the story of how the area came to be named,
or why the city was built where it is. And if the story
involves a tale of love and/or scandal, all the better.

2) Anything superficial, classy, and basically meaningless.
Try learning a little about fashion, this way you
can make fun of it while acting like you know what
you're talking about. "Didn't Madonna really screw
up the fashion world with this whole over-the-top fake
cowboy look thing?"

3) Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by giving
your wild perspective on others. "You know, I've been
trying to figure out why so many people these days
are going postal and shooting everyone. I think it
might be all the lame music that's on the radio these
days..." This one can be a lot of fun... be creative.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

If you want to keep her interest, then you have
to be INTERESTING.

The old-fashioned act-like-you're-on-a-job interview
rap just doesn't cut it.

Now, for some guys, the ideas that I've just talked
about will make sense, but they won't come naturally.

That's OK. You may have to work on this for awhile,
especially if you've spent the last 25 or so years
doing the wrong thing.

Old Proverb: "No matter how far down the wrong
road you've gone, TURN BACK."

So remember, attraction isn't a choice. And attraction
doesn't make logical sense. If you want to create
that magical "chemistry", then you're going to have
to LEARN and PRACTICE it.

Repeat after me.

Out loud.

"I am not going on an interview... I am not going
on an interview... I am not going on an interview..."

Good. Keep that in mind.

/MindWipe

Also got tons more if you want, like a "where to take a woman on a date" newsletter. But PM me if you want more.

/MindWipe

Quote:Original post by MindWipe

Quote:Original post by ApochPiQ
Personally, I'd say the bottom line is that you don't magically create attraction. It might be possible to manipulate people to think they like you, or to create a facade that someone may be attracted to, but ultimately that kind of falseness will break down and cause problems. It simply isn't worth it in the long run.

I've got so much to say about this subject, but I'll just post a Double Your Dating newsletter instead because I'm lazy. But belive this! Also, if people really dislike me posting these huge newsletters, then feel free to ask a mod to remove them, but they ARE helpful.

And yeah, movie dates suck, don't do them.

Actualy here are two, both very worth reading, and they WILL (notice, I didn't say "most likely") help you:

[bullshit]

That falls quite solidly under the manipulation/facade category. I'm rather old-fashioned in this regard, but personally I have no interest whatsoever in exploiting psychology to "get women." As I said, my view is probably in the very narrow minority in most of modern culture, but I simply don't care to try and get a pointless ego boost by deceiving people into thinking that I'm something that I'm not.

Quote:
...
It's so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant
and I hear a couple that's obviously out on their
first date... and the guy has no idea what to do.

It sounds like this:

"So, did you grow up around here?"

"Where did you go to school?"

"Do you have brothers and sisters?"

"What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?"

Painful.
...
Let me ask you... what are the most INTERESTING
topics to humans in general?

Hint: Think best-selling books and TV shows...

Right - drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that
is painful to one of the parties involved.

Here are a few good ideas for conversation that
come to mind:

-Any Hollywood scandal involving anyone famous and
anyone of the opposite sex that's famous

-Any relationship drama going on between any pop star
and their new or ex boy/girl friend

-Anything that has to do with hip hop artists spending
too much money on rims that spin or diamonds in their
teeth

These topics will light up a conversation like
nobody's business. And they create all kinds of opportunities
to be cocky and funny while talking about the misfortunes
and neurotic behavior of others.

In other words, if you talk about what's happening in your life, you're boring. If you gossip about what's happening in other's people lives, you're exciting.

I guess this has some truth in it, since this guy's audience is like a blank paper: they don't have any life, or probably any personality, and they try to get one. So all they can do is get their "weapons" from the outside: borrow other's people experiences, imitate other's people behaviour, talk about other's people lives... Good luck, maybe in the process they'll even actually get their own mind.

Quote:
Post by Mindwipe

truth!

Though I can understand why its hard for people to accept. They like to think that
its underhanded, tactical, evil or untrue. Women arent that 'true' themselves trust me. Try getting a bit better off with money*1 or acquiring some fame, see how that girl that turned you down is suddenly more interested when neither your personality nor physical appearance have changed. And i'm not saying this based on celebs,..im speaking from personal experience.*2

*1 Whilst not everyone can be bothered to 'get rich', you can still achieve a lot by changing your personality. (not trying to be someone else, but trying for example,..to not be such as wuss)

*2 I'm not a mill/billionaire but i've had relative boosts(and decline) of both fame and money and i know how its affected most (not just one of two) if not all females, (and yes males too) around me.

Bottom line: life isnt as 'good' as you want it to be.
People arent as 'true' as you'd hope. They jugde based on material and fleeting things and psychology DOES matter.