"Firewar" is an idea I've been playing around with for a while, and I've decided to post it here and ask for a few ideas before I continue with it. -- Centuries have passed since the last major war ever fought on Earth, the war that overthrew most present superpowers of the Earth and made nearly every nation equal. The war that created the Internatial Coalition of Nations, an unbreakable government that controlled all others as provinces. The war that brought a false sense of utopia to the softened, ceremonial military that stands in the place of the nuclear empires we see today. World War III, as you may prefer to think of it, as bloody as it was (claiming about 1 billion people out of 7 billion), was but a dim memory compared to the next conflict which I am about to describe to you. 400 years have passed since the third World War, and the International Coalition of Nations (ICN) has moved into space to find a solution to the incredible overpopulation of Earth. 12 billion people inhabit Earth alone by the time the space program grew into a significant part of the ICN. Now, there are over 78 planetary colonies controlled by the ICN. Unfortunately, the government is plagued with corruption, and when the special Colonial Parliament is rendered useless by growing executive powers, 6 colonies secede from the ICN to form the Federation of Planetary Colonies. In the next month, 30 more follow, and the ICN declares war on their former territories. -- The game depicts the "Firewar" project, a series of battle suits developed specifically for elite Special Forces teams. The Federation steals half of them just before war is officially declared, and an eight-member Firewar Special Forces squadron is created on both sides of the war. The Federation Firewar squad's mission is simply to raid Earth's orbital defense system before continuing to the ICN capitol. The ICN Firewar squad's mission is originally to stop their enemy counterparts, but converts to an attempt to stop the corrupt President of the ICN from bringing an end to the government and plunging their government into a thousand more civil wars.

I just came up with that while I was thinking about what actually happens in this project. Keeping that entire segment isn't a very high priority for me, but if you have a good way to make it smart, interesting, and original (no Master Chief clones here), I'm listening.

As for rewriting the final paragraph...
--
[Firewar Test Station, 0825 hours]
<CLASSIFIED -- EYES ONLY (certified FAdm. David Pettigrew, ID: DP94835049539QR)>

TO: FAdm. David Pettigrew
FROM: Captain Tyler Grimaldi
RE: First Strike

Admiral, the Federation insurgents have nearly destroyed the station. About half of the battle suits are gone; we have recovered the rest and used them to beat back the last of the boarding parties. On a more optimistic note, I was satisfied by the extra protection provided by the suits. The station's database has been wiped clean, and we have escaped on the frigate Antietam.

Sir, I am requesting permission to prepare the new Firewar squadron for a surprise attack on the Federation colony of Eridanus II. We have the resources to strike them where they least expect it, and find out where the other battle suits are being used. I fear that this setback may turn the tide of the war if we do not prevent the Federation from using their new technology.

<END OF TRANSMISSION>
--

P.S. Character development will be covered in another post.

[Edited by - georgec on January 22, 2006 4:05:38 PM]

(This is probably why nobody has replied for the last three days...)
Any more suggestions?

[Edited by - georgec on January 25, 2006 5:29:30 PM]

I liked what I read.
I can't say I particularly care about the story of a game - probably why RPGs bore me to death but I like the 'suits' idea.

I think this could provide a novel approach to the gameplay.

It instantly reminded me of Gunbound.
Image 1
Image 2

Before each battle, you much select your 'mobile' or 'machine'. Each machine has its own strengths (attack, defense or mobility) and it has 2 weapons.

This means that people become skilled with their favourite mobile.
It also means that in battle, you can instantly identify what your enemy is capable of and what you are up against.

I don't know if you have thought ahead to how your idea could translate into gameplay and features.

No critique on your writing - just thinking out loud :)

Most of the suits are the same (some are meant for snipers and provide increased mobility, some are meant to be thrown into the middle of epic firefights), but they can be upgraded pretty easily as the player goes further into the game. Somewhat like a simplified, less chaotic version of the stunning customiation system in the first MechWarriors games.

Remove your presence from the narrative. You try to involve the reader/player into this world of yours, but if you keep reminding them that this is just a story you are presenting to them the illusion is gone.

Quote:was but a dim memory compared to the next conflict which I am about to describe to you.

If you really want to include yourself, do it in a form of a character telling a story. For example a dying old veteran telling his life story how they fought with battlesuits etc.