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BrioCyrain

My Story, need comments!

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After a nuclear explosion off the coast of South Korea went off, Asia blamed North Korea for the disaster and demanded North Koreans have the country occupied by outside military forces. Though the U.N. thought that the nuke was an accident and no damage was done. North Korea demanded the nuke wasn't theirs and their program had been shut-down for five years. Soon after large armies were attacking China, Vietnam, and South Korea. The U.N. identified them as terrorists and neo Nazis. China, South Korea, Vietnam, and Mongolia denied the evidence and declared war on North Korea and told the U.N. not to interfere. Only despite the warning, their new enemies besides North Korea are Japan, France, Germany, Britain, Russia, United States, Australia, Canada, and Iraq. The battlefield is Asia. The war is between the joint forces of U.N.A.F. (United Nations Allied Forces) and the new Asian power of D.F.O.A. (Dragon Force of Asia) Let the battle begin............ What do you think?

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What exactly is this story for? Personally I think it could do with some more explination, such as:

+What/Who caused the initial explosion?
+Where did the armies attacking China, Vietnam and South Korea come from? (and why were they attacking them?)
+Why did mongolia join in and declare war on North Korea?
+Why did they turn on all those other countries aswell as NK?

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I feel it's a rather forced attempt at WW-III, sorry:
- armies of terrorists that are large enough to attack China, among(!) other countries?
- Asian neo-nazis?
- 'Dragon Force' sounds like a Bruce Lee movie.

I think the plot lacks credibility. It cut some corners to get to the mayhem fast. I believe that a more elaborate course of events that are less far fetched can make 'the battle begin'.

How? Try digging into the history of these Asian countries you're featuring and find out how they relate to eachother now, and(!) in the past. Maybe you can rekindle an old 'war' between them, make resources an issue to drag in others, let food supplies run dry to get the people involved, ....

The NK idea is good: gives you a good starting point, but keep it more solid after that.

hth,
CipherCraft

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eh, it sounds like you need to take some history classes. the plot you've described is pretty contrived and highly unlikely/illogical.

CipherCraft is right.
Why did the large armies of terrorists / neo-nazis attack China, Vietnam, and South Korea. (and that isn't really possible) Who really set off the nuke? Why Neo Nazis? Are the U.N. countries coming to North Korea's aid as allies?? And, the Dragon Force of Asia is a ridiculous monicker that is sure to insult people.

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Whoa. Too many names too quick man.

A more distinguished reason for all the violence would help mucho. Don't leave such details left up to the player's imagination or (even worse) make it some sort of unsolved mystery; it only makes your story seem hollow and forced.

In a nut-shell: Narrow the focus of the game to a more isolated area, and give motives. Add characters that the player will care about.

Just my .02 dollars.

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