Sign in to follow this  

Review my Story please (Set in 2021)

This topic is 3848 days old which is more than the 365 day threshold we allow for new replies. Please post a new topic.

If you intended to correct an error in the post then please contact us.

Recommended Posts

My story is set on 'Earth' the continents are named different but slightly similar. The reason for this is I cannot draw maps, which I need to help me write a story (dont ask why, it is just one of them things) I will only be writing the beginning act in brief as I am not very far in. Beginning: The year is 2021, a meteor hits 'The Arctic' ('Antartica') in it's North Eastern region causing a crater in the 'Earth', which also create large caverns, under 'Earth'. 'Status Black' (a special force sent in when a situation goes to code black) are sent to investigate when they get a call that members of the "Polartillary" (a special force in 'The Arctic) that went down into the crater to investigate are missing. Throughout the story: You will soon find that an unknown predator has used the crater as its habitat, this will be the main enemy but not the main villian, the main villian is a scientist/inventor named 'Shikari' who using his gadgets is trying to capture "over average" people (for example members of 'Status Black') to create a new type of human named 'Ninfantry' to (for at the moment...) take over the world (... Until my mind gets a little less unorginal.) Once I get the outline fully completed I am going to make the story non-chronological I am starting with an act in the middle of the story then going back to 'Act 1, Chapter 2' then 'Act 1, Chapter 1' then the 'Prologue' then forward to 'Act 1, Chapter 3'.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
interesting ideas.

Quote:
The Arctic' ('Antartica')


Is your alternate world upside down?

What's the mad scientist's connection with the crater?

Just curious.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
(one idea) the predator thing definitely needs to be the mcguffin (or however u spell it)...like, it's a power source or something for the scientist, and the government wants to study it, and you and your organization know its true power so you want to destroy it,

and (another idea) eventually you may want the scientist to get killed by the predator while the government is chasing him in a cool scene....

and (just a suggestion) the predator may have some past connection with the main character that the organization doesnt know about...

good idea!!! i think it'll be best if you use some variant of my ideas to make the whole story come together in the end.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
this predator mey be binladens work...
as him new big plan.

story may be like this...
binladen heared it from a scenific research group.
and sabotaged this group to bring this predator hare...
the predator was from mars...
or may be from an a alien gen from genetic research lab.

i think also predator must kill anyone whaen he can. Not just first person.
also predator can eat just tomatoes...
and its angry . because he cant found tomatoes.because now is winter.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kelly G:

The world isn't upside down, it is like our world now just in the future and army ridden. It has all the continents 'Earth' has now, they are just named differently, for example 'Europe' is 'Euren', I wanted to add some originality to it.

I didn't really have a connection with the Scientist and the crater I was just going to use it as the place where he captures some of 'Status Black' but thanks to "TheArmchairPhysicist" the scientist does now have a connection with the crater which I will explain in the next paragraph.

TheArmchairPhysicist:

I do like the idea about the Predator killing the Scientist and I will very likely put it in.

Thank you for suggesting that the scientist shoud use the predator as a power source has giving me the idea that mixing the predator's blood with the DNA of a human will cause the clones to evolve from humans which is the link between the scientist and the metoer. I might also have it that the scientist created a tractor beam that sent the metoer to Earth in the first place but, is that a bit over the top?

The link between the Predator and the Main Character could be that the Main Character has the same blood type as the predator, which means he is the "power source" the scientist is looking for.

Thanks for the ideas, they have been amazing and it has helped alot =]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sorry, I thought you might have meant that it was upside-down because Antarctica is actually in the Antarctic, not the Arctic. It would be a neat idea though, particularly if you had both worlds in the game and you wanted to emphasize that hey were different from each other.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I am not very geographically minded so I wasn't sure about the Arctic - and Antartica. If I find a way to fit it in then I may as well put in the upside-down world idea.

Thanks for your opinion Marsoto =]

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
A piece of advice: Do some research.

It's not hard to type 'map of the world' in google. Or download google earth for that matter - it even has links to information and wikipedia articles that will give you a bit of background detail on specific places. Simply making that tiny little bit of effort would have cleared up your geographical confusion in seconds. It might also reveal other things, like the non-existence of a north polar landmass and the fact that "north eastern region" is pretty meaningless when you're talking about the poles.

Furthermore, 2021 is not that far into the future and it strains the suspension of disbelief to imagine that humanity has suddenly decided to rename every major continent and country for no apparent reason.

Of course, if you decide to drop the idea of using Earth as your setting, then you can name continents and countries however you like. However, that does not necessarily negate the need to do some research; the story still needs to be believable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
There is no government in Antarctica, it belongs to no country, and the Antarctic Treaty prohibits any military activity, so you'll have to come up with an explanation as to why your special (para) military units are allowed in there, or you'll have to make them rogues.

Also, I think depending on the meteor diameter, it is possible that a considerable amount of ice would melt causing the rise of the landmass and of the sea level, I am just speculating here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote:
Original post by SLinkei
My story is set on 'Earth' the continents are named different but slightly similar. The reason for this is I cannot draw maps, which I need to help me write a story (dont ask why, it is just one of them things)

I don't know why not being able to draw maps means you have to use slightly different names for Earth's continents.
Quote:

The year is 2021, a meteor hits 'The Arctic' ('Antartica') in it's North Eastern region causing a crater in the 'Earth', which also create large caverns, under 'Earth'.

As others have noted, the Arctic and Antarctica are on opposite sides of the globe. You should pick an end and stick to it.

As a point of interest, 'North East region' may not mean quite what you think it means. In Antarctica, 'South' means 'towards the center of the continent' whilst 'North' means 'towards the shore'.


Quote:

'Status Black' (a special force sent in when a situation goes to code black) are sent to investigate when they get a call that members of the "Polartillary" (a special force in 'The Arctic) that went down into the crater to investigate are missing.

Why did special forces enter the crater? Did they happen to be around? What where they doing in Antarctica? If they came to Antarctica just to enter the crater, why them rather than geologists?
Quote:

You will soon find that an unknown predator has used the crater as its habitat, this will be the main enemy but not the main villian, the main villian is a scientist/inventor named 'Shikari' who using his gadgets is trying to capture "over average" people (for example members of 'Status Black') to create a new type of human named 'Ninfantry' to (for at the moment...) take over the world (... Until my mind gets a little less unorginal.)

I feel you need new names. Ninfantry is silly. [smile]
Quote:
Original post by Kwizatz
Also, I think depending on the meteor diameter, it is possible that a considerable amount of ice would melt causing the rise of the landmass and of the sea level, I am just speculating here.

Point of interest: Antarctica isn't all ice, although most of it is. All together, the ice-free rocky regions have about twice the surface area of Great Britain. Another fact, interesting if not relevant, is that some parts of Antarctica haven't had rainfall for millions of years.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This topic is 3848 days old which is more than the 365 day threshold we allow for new replies. Please post a new topic.

If you intended to correct an error in the post then please contact us.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this