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ATLASValnor

Legacy (The Story) feedback plz

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Now its long but it is just the story and a good read. It should take anyone to long to read. (The game as well as the story is under coypright.) The Story Eons ago, traveling endlessly through the eternal void of the cosmos, there was a being. This was a being of perfect balance. Of light, of Darkness,of creation... of destruction. For an eternity this being sped through the vacant expanse of emptiness, knowing only of nothingness and posessing not a thought of what could be. This was until the moment it did. The very first thought of filling the void of nothingness burst foward and sprawled out into the empty plane. A world was born in it's place. The skies, the Mountains, the Oceans were created. Then would come the elements of creation... fire, and wind. Then there was life. Plants, Animals, The Sentients... The Sentients were creatures of boundless curiosity. The great being gave the curious sentients a name to call himself. Pyriahs. Having wandered through the great void for ever so long Pyriahs created a world of vast variety. And like the world, the sentients were diverse in appearance. It was a beautiful world of endless life and possibility. However, the world that was created by this being of perfect balance was in all aspects a reflection of himself. And thusly all things created had it's counter-creation. Where Pyriahs created Light, there was darkness, Where he gave breath to life, so too did he give to un-life. This is why Pyriahs found a place to keep the dark shadows of his creations of light. A massive expanse of land where the opposite of all things existed. A dead continent, full of those of un-life who wandered listlessly through the land, not sentient like their lighter counterparts, these shadow like creations dwelled in a plane of non-existence. And because these beings of un-life existed, their lighter forms were able to exist without the concept of unliving. They lived and for that reason there was no death. Pyriahs looked upon his world, satisfied at his perfect creation yet also in want. He saw how simplistic the lives of his creations were. Sentient though they were there still was something lacking. He looked to his side, finding an emptiness reminescent of his endless floating through the cosmos. He was lonely. And so he would create again. He created Love, innocence, Happiness, Gratitude. Emotions, and virtues that did not previously exist in the world were all encompassed into one perfect creation. She was Aeris. Bride of Pyriahs. Through Aeris, all the good virtues of the world were born. And through her love of all things she granted her gift to the sentients. The sentients were now able to rejoice and truly love and appreciate the lives they had been given. There was laughter, there was joy, there was love. The warmth that was lacking in the world now existed in great abundance, and a new age of wonder was born. Alas... Pyriahs being a natural entity of balance, so too was all that he created. And thusly the creation of Aeris also gave birth to her alter-form. Her sister, Diarah Complete opposite of Aeris, Diarah was a being of hatred, Malice, greed, Chaos. Like all things of darkness Pyriahs Bound Diarah to the forbidden continent, never to mingle with those of the light. All was at peace for a time. Pyriahs and his Wife Aeris had three beautiful children, who's forms were angelic. They were... Hope... Serenity.... Valor... They would with their parents watch as the sentients grew, and learned. The sentients knew no pain, or strife, they knew not of disease, hunger or death. Meanwhile Diarah Brooded, Madness and hatred dominated her entire being as was her nature. Her very presense on the forbidden continent changed the nature of things. The shadows of un-life sensed and flocked to her, attracted by her malicious aura. Diarah found a way to mate with these beings of unlife, creating the Demmos, vicious creatures that knew only hunger, madness and greed. She then mated with these wicked beings as well, bringing about what would be the very scourge of the world. Four beings of incredible darkness, bourne of their mother's twisted deeds. Disease... Famine... War... Death... Because of their terrible power, and because they were not the creations of Pyriahs, These four manifestations of darkness were able to wander free of the forbidden continent, unbidden by the bonds placed upon their mother. They roamed into the outter world. To a world that never knew hunger, never knew greif or pain, it came upon them swiftly. A great scourge swept the land. Cattle died, fruit shrivelled up, wells ran dry. The world would come to know of hunger. Without the proper means of sustenance, the people grew unhealthy, indisposed... soon their very state of existence was riddled with pain and malady. The people would come to know Sickness. As Famine and Disease devastated the many, there remained the few that through careful preservation, managed to sustain themselves. The hunger however would grow to be too much for those that were ailing. They would take up their now useless farming tools in agression, and fight for their survival, even if it meant cutting down others in their stead. They would come to know of Strife. Before, life had always been plentiful. There was no hunger, no sickness, no ... war. There was life in all of it's abundance, and in perfect balance of it were those of unlife that existed on the forbidden plane. There had never been a connection to the two... But then.... There was Death. Beings that never experienced such before now died, and killed. Their age of perfect innocence was at an end. Pyriahs and Aeris would look down on the state of their world with much dismay. Pyriahs sat powerless against the darkness that spread within his world. For if he created something to combat the bringers of despair he would as well create their dark counterparts. The struggle would be unending. In this time Aeris would become very saddened as she watched her suffering world. Not even the three children she and Pyriahs birthed could lift Aeris from her despondence. Pyriahs could not bare to see his mate so aggreived. While Aeris could only see the ailing, and dying, there were in fact those who loved, and protected. Pyriahs wished to show her that good still existed in the world. He made for her a precious gift. A small fragment of the world, comprised of all the good that existed even in the presence of such strife. It was a true reflection of the world state. There was still love, still innocence, still those who wanted good. Yet the existence of these things were rapidly dwindling. Pyriahs' gift reflected this horrible truth to Aeris. It shriveled and died, just a surely as would be the fate of all good things in the world. Her sadness reached it's peak at this moment. Unable to bare the suffering any longer Aeris cried. And cried... Her unending tears became a wave that swelled the oceans, the lakes and the rivers. The entire world became flooded by her sorrow. Purity was her form, and purity were her tears. And so they would purge the land of the tyranny, and chaos. All memory of the Hunger, the Sickness, and The Strife were wiped from the memories of the sentients. While the memory of Famine, War, and Disease were gone, they still existed in the world, weakened by the purifying tears, but still present among the sentients. Their deep rooted evil would not be truly vanquished even as they were sealed away by the children of Pyriahs and Aeris. And so would come the Great Awakening. The sentients would awaken to find a world of wonder, the flood took memory of all things...Even the memory of who and what they were had been cleansed from their minds, Leaving a world full of those without concept of origin. They saw only ruins, and mystery around them. By nature they broke off into smaller groups of those who were like in appearance, Distinctions were given in name. They did not remember that they all originated from the same place and were no different from one another. The world had settled into a state of confused peace for a time. Three thousand years would pass sense the Great Awakening. The sentients still struggle to find their place. The world is full of such mystery that goes ignored by the once curious ones. Instead they have burdened themselves with such trivial matters. The extent of their knowledge is limited only to what they perceive now, and not of what once was. All they know to do is fulfill as many as their desires before life ends, and death beckons them into the forbidden mists...

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This is a very good story. I love the way you personified all of the emotions.

The connections between everything and all of the events are very Tolkienesque. Which in my opinion, is a good thing. It has a nice familiarity, but is still very unique.

If there are any specific points you want to be commented on, just say so.


All and all this is very good. Have you come up with a plot?

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What we decide to do among many other things was to create a mythological story for this new world that players would log into. The story is left open to allow more roleplay. This is an MMORPG, we give the player more control of what may happen. While keeping a strong level of control. The still keys within the story that the players will find, the send to the ends of our world. Kinda epic we think.

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A world wouldn't have just one plot. Our world will have hundreds written by us then many more played out by the players. Also thank for taken the time to read and reply. glad you liked it.

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If you like know more visit our forum @ WWW.Legacy.mybb2.com/Legacy-t2.html/

Also if like what you've read and would like join the project contact me here or reply on our forum. scroll pass the story.

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