The following is obviously a WIP. My hope is that perhaps it will interest someone who is (most likely) a better writer than I am to help me with my storyline and overall RTS concept. Please leave me critiques! In the Beginning Far in the future, humanity has finally solved its issues between different beliefs and ideals. The United Nations has finally become what it had hoped to eventually achieve – a truly United Earth. While there are still dissidents and those who don’t believe that this should have happened, these people mostly being religious fanatics such as radical Muslims and Christians, for the most part the world’s population is happy. The United Earth Council (UEC) consists of many different leaders from all parts of the world. With the advent of the UEC, a capitalist economy was done away with. The development of technology to help build and create anything made capitalism near worthless, considering the near free costs of this advancement. While there is global peace on Earth, there are still those who would fight and rebel against this government. The UEC developed the Terran Defense Grid (TDG) – a distribution of troops and military property to areas of the world to defend against terrorist actions. This grid locates potential hot spots and allocates more military support to those areas. An additional benefit to the TDG is that humanitarian aid is lent to any who need it, helping to build communities and societies. Many people do not have jobs, but rather hobbies. These hobbies include conducting research into mathematics, science and technology, and even philosophy. There are many, who work on projects to develop better space flight, further advanced military technologies, and ways to better the quality of living. The UEC conducts it’s own secret projects, mostly military related, to combat any terrorist actions with more effectiveness, and to be ready for any unforeseen enemies. With all these incredible advancements in technology, faster than light travel by ship has not been developed by physicists. Teleportation had been developed years ago, and was used to travel to Mars and the Moon, making humans an interplanetary species. This technology, however, is limited by it’s requirements – a portal must be built on the destination and linked to one on Earth before humans may travel there. For this reason, the UEC launched a ship to travel to a distant planet that was revealed to be very Earth-like by photos and spectrograph analysis. It has been many years since the probe had launched, and it should have finished its journey and task to construct a portal by now. Scientists have been trying for the past few weeks attempting to open the connecting portal here on. Yesterday, to the amazement of all who were present, the portal was opened, showing that the massive undertaking was not a waste of resources. Humanity now has a connection to another solar system, and a new world to explore and discover. Many have lined up to travel through the portal and create new settlements. However, the first to go through will be an expedition consisting of the brightest minds on Earth, escorted by the TDG military. Through the Portal The first few people to travel through the portal found themselves in a very different environment. While the life on this new planet is similar to life on Earth, there are major differences. There are still small grasses and bushes that are very similar to Earth, but the trees and most other vegetation are far different. The animals these explorers have encountered so far are anything but reminiscent of home. The geology of this planet is almost identical to Earth, with many elements found in abundance. However, there is one element that is unlike anything found on Earth. It has the potential to boost technologies to even greater heights, though that is only a prediction. Tests and development are in progress, but any advances are not expected for years. No sentient life has been found thus far in the exploration, but with a planet this filled with life it is hard to believe that there isn’t any. Explorers have not traveled far enough from the portal to attain any reasonable evidence to either answer, and they won’t for a while – their first priority is to establish a base colony to work from. The UEC feels that it would be prudent to be very strict as to how many people are sent to this planet, and how much damage is caused to the environment. Everyone on Earth is taught the lessons from history of how humanity was almost lost because of a climate crisis due to the burning of fossil fuels. Considering this will be the first planet that humanity has truly colonized – Mars is still being terraformed and the Moon is just as desolate as ever – the UEC wants to very strictly dictate where any settlement will be located and what will be in it. Earth has still not recovered from the extremes it was pushed, and the UEC will try in all it’s power to stop this same event from occurring. The first colony founded was named Eden. While not many people of Earth are religious, it seemed an appropriate name to call this newfound paradise. This colony was founded around the portal upon the new planet – Haven. It serves as a base of operations for expeditions into the wilds of the planet, and as a welcoming committee of sorts to those who travel through the portal. Additionally, it is an extremely secure facility, protecting the portal from any hidden foes. Within this colony are laboratories for research on animals found in the wild, new elements found, and overall the study of Haven. Everyday recon groups are sent out to explore new sections of the planet in efforts to find anything new and interesting, and potential sites for colonies. Aerial vehicles are launched to take pictures of and scan the surrounding area, which are used to coordinate and expedite exploration. There have been photos taken where signs of civilization have been noted, but when recon groups are sent to those locations, there is nothing to be found. It is puzzling to the commanders of this expedition, but nothing to be concerned about. First Contact Several months have passed since the establishment of Eden and one other colony, Paradisus. Up until now, no contact has been made with a sentient species, but many claims have been made by people to have seen winged creatures that seemed to be studying them, and then disappear. None of these claims have been proven, and have been brushed aside. Many believe that Haven is simple a world with life, but none that is sentient. Only a small portion of the planet’s total land mass has been explored and discovered, though if there were a sentient species on the planet, many say they would have found evidence already. These claims were proven wrong one day when one recon group made contact with the phantom winged creatures. This recon group consisted of two marines, an ecologist, a geologist and several other science oriented individuals. Their mission was to survey an area that was believed to contain large quantities of the element not found on Earth. October Reid, the ecologist in the recon group, had been following a creature that was similar to a squirrel in its behavior when she realized she was a bit lost. She tried to find her way, but only managed to get herself more lost, eventually running into a predatory animal from Haven. The predator saw October as prey, and charged her. With no means of defense, October screamed and flung her hands over her face, scared that she was about to die. Instead, the attacker never reached her. When she opened her eyes, she did not see the animal at all, but instead a bipedal, winged creature unlike anything she had ever seen. At its feet was the animal, unconscious. She stammered out something like a thank you, stunned by the creature’s appearance. They stood on two legs, with feet that resemble those of a dog, and had two arms that ended in clawed hands. It had a pair of wings, very large and powerful, and wore very primitive clothing – at least to her standards. The clothing resembled that of the 18th and 19th centuries in Earth history. The creature’s face was what most intrigued October. Rather than primate features that humans like to imagine on aliens, this creature looked more like a bird. It had a massive beak, almost the size of its head, and only a pair of eyes. Fluffy, down feathers covered its entire body, which were colored different hues of red, orange and yellow. October could do nothing but stand and gawk at such a beautiful creature. The creature turned to her and bowed. In return, October waved and stuttered out a “Hello.” The creature replied in a serenade of song, presumably its language. Communication was impossible except on a very basic level, considering humans cannot recreate such notes, and the creatures have no lips with which to form our words. However, October managed in conveying a message of thank you and what she thought was friendship. Then, the creature simply vanished without a trace. When October returned to her group and told them of her encounter, they laughed at her. Only when she showed them the picture she took did they believe her.

Hmm, at the moment, I'd say you need to either paint a nicer picture, or stop constricting your writing.
For some reason, the story feels a little forced and I think some of the names and themes used in conjunction will borderline on copyright infringement.

But from what you've written, it certainly seems like... A story.

Elaborate, good sir.

I just assumed he wasn't finished seeing as there is only a prologue and two chapters.

Quote:Original post by Cpt Mothballs
Hmm, at the moment, I'd say you need to either paint a nicer picture, or stop constricting your writing.
For some reason, the story feels a little forced and I think some of the names and themes used in conjunction will borderline on copyright infringement.

But from what you've written, it certainly seems like... A story.

Elaborate, good sir.

Just out of curiosity, how would this infringe on any copyrights?



To answer the rest, you're right it is a bit forced, simply because I am not a good writer, though I try my hardest haha. Tagged on to this, I have a 9 page document in word with an RTS mapped out (incomplete as well). It's tough to know where to start, so I figured a rough, forced story would work better than nothing at all.

The way I see this story going is that the Human colonists eventually make sustained contact with the creatures, who are the Velluzi. The Velluzi are a race that have high amounts of magic, due to the element on Haven. Contact is made easier through the use of computer translators.

Eventually, Humans begin to develop magic of their own. This is due to the element activating genes in the genome that have lain dormant for centuries. The legends and fairy tales of wizards and witches were true stories, though the reason for magic's disappearance is quickly revealed. Humans with magic tend toward the darker uses of it, such as the summoning of demons. Nonmagic humans had, in the past, killed off anyone who possessed magical abilities, and destroyed any of the element found (there wasn't much to begin with).

The Velluzi and Humans live in peace for short while, until the arrival of a mechanoid race. This race utilizes the element as nourishment, helping them to reproduce and survive. They are also extremely xenophobic. Their race is very old, and they travel the galaxy wiping out civilizations that progress to the point of being able to stand up to them. Humans don't know why Earth has no been targeted, but it is suspected that the absence of the element - and thus magic - on Earth is the reason.

The Humans and Velluzi battle the mechanoids for survival and the protection of the planet...


And that's where my creativity ends.



I hope that clears a few things up for what I'm hoping for.

Quote:Original post by Tangireon
It sounds pretty nice, and what you've got so far hooked me into it (I love the Velluzi and your explanation of the human wizards) until the mechanoid part. Don't know, once I hit the "evil robot empire" part it just seems to me a bit predictable. The Velluzi not so predictable; in fact they've got some mystery and charm to them. But rampaging robots? Well, it's been done before. What I'm saying is that if you can and if its possible, you could try out another type of badguy that isn't so immediately recognizable. They could still be mechanoids or largely mechanical in their units, but make them a bit different or give them some kind of character there. I'm probably saying this though because I don't know enough about them yet.

And it would also be good to have a couple of main characters for your players/audience to get into - so far its sort of difficult to relate to such a future as you've described (a technological utopia basically). With main human characters this audience-relating business would be a lot easier.

Continue on, I'm definitely reading.

I'd be interested in knowing how your units are going to be like, being magic-based and all with technology.

As far as the mechanoids go, I still haven't developed a third race idea, so they're kind of my 'place holders' for now.

The units for the Velluzi will be a combo of magic and 18th and 19th century technology (gun powder weapons). There will be swordsmen and such because a lot of fighting was still done with swords in those centuries. But the twist for them will be that many of their units will be magic based, such as the flame dancer who shoots fire from his hands, or can switch to melee attacks which would resemble martial arts with fire on their hands.

Humans would obviously be much different. Many of their units are based on technology, seeing as they start with no magic in my story line. However, as they develop magic, they have units such as the Blackguard - a melee unit who uses technology to shield himself and magic to instill diseases or poisons in his enemies. His bodysuit allows him to travel quickly to his enemies and resist damage.

And I would love to make some characters to relate to, but as I've said before, I need help to write a good story because I can't haha.

I think personally, your aim here shouldn't be to discuss unit abilities, unless you're giving reasons as to why they have magical powers.
Honestly, the storyline just seems to be taking elements from lots of high risk areas.

Personally, I think that's why games like Warcraft and Warhammer work.
They have a foundation of solid lore not borrowed from obvious places.

Maybe instead of a story, you should develop the warring nations more.
The story will come once you familiarise yourself with each races story and background.
This conflict (I'm assuming) will be a clash of heads (also assuming) over the planet Eden.

Probably over the power source, right?

That means it has to have magical, mechanical and technological purposes.
Make up your energy source, give some Sci-Fi reason as to why it exists.
Then go to town crafting battle strategies and missions around that. Develop the story from inside out if developing it from the outside in doesn't work.

I can't help you write it, I have my own story to deal with, huh?