My story needs criticism

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0 comments, last by Cpt Mothballs 15 years, 3 months ago
Hello everyone My story is so big. I hope you like it. The story begins with a meeting between our protagonist and his boss the headmaster of the SIB (Scientific Investigation Bureau). The latter told the protagonist that the Black Iris facility is not only built to protect the progress of the science in all fields, but to hide and study the technology of an alien spaceship. This large spaceship was found with 5 destroyed flying saucers. The spaceship is under ground of the facility. No one knows about it except the experts who are studying its technology. Everything was fine. One day the communication with the facility was disconnected for unknown reasons. The protagonist was sent to investigate the event. His partner was a communication scientist. When the protagonist and his partner were in their way to the facility, they were attacked by a fire ball. The protagonist used his psionic power to defend themselves. But the fire ball exploded and the partner was hit by the ball before the explosion so she lost her conscious. The protagonist take her to the hospital and informed his command of what happened. The game begins here: You are taking the role of the protagonist. You are in the hospital and your are fighting against the group of killers who tried to kidnap the unconscious your partner. You begin to investigate who did the attack and why. You face many dangers and killers. One of the killers confessed that they will prevent you from approaching the spaceship until they find the 7 artifacts that was taken from the top of the great pyramid. These artifacts were used by the Pharaohs to protect Earth from the great storm that was caused by the sun spots before 5000 years ago. These artifacts are distributed all over the world in special places. The killer said that they are collecting these artifacts to use the solar storm that will start after 4 days to provide power to the spaceship so that they can start its engines. You discover that the enemies of your country are trying to put their hands on the spaceship so that they can control the world with its advanced technology. For this reason they hired four gangs that you defeated before to kill you. This gives you the will to prevent the gangs from getting the artifacts. Your command informed you where these artifacts assumed to be in. You traveled to the Olymp mountain in Greece. You fight the gang and you get the artifact. You were informed that your partner was kidnapped. You returned to your country to save her but you have no clue where she is. You discovered that the gangs brought four artifacts to the country. There are two artifacts left. You travel to Iraq and found the artifact in the hanged gardens of Babylon before the gang but it attacked you trying to get back the artifact. Then you traveled to China to save the artifact but your were late. You moved to your country in order to prevent the smuggling of the artifacts to your country. Your were seriously injured and lost your conscious. The gangs now have the seven artifacts and took them to the spaceship. This failure gives you the will to make your way to the Black Iris facility. Before you arrive the facility, you were attacked by an automatic small tank. You manage to destroy it. But three cyborgs attacked you. You defeat them and proceed to the entrance of the facility. The flying man tried to prevent you from entering the facility but you killed him after a violent combat. You enter the facility and found that there's no one inside. Proceeding into the corridors you face many dangers like the cyborgs, metalic insects and the nuclear man. One of the strongest enemies is the metalic scorpion. While you fight it, a hidden door in the corridor opened and someone pull you inside the wall and closed the door. That man told you to run before the coming of the scorpion. That man told you about Saturn Energy Corporation that wants to control the world by activating the engines of the spaceship and they have to stop the process before it is too late. The man took the protagonist to a hall where he found some scientist who told him what has happened. I think this enough to give you an idea of my story. There are still more to write.
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Who's 'The Protagonist' and why does he have powers?

Who is his partner and what's her special power.

What's the history behind the spaceship? If it's been on earth since the time of the Pharoahs, how come we only found it five years ago?

Why is the Scientific Investigation Bureau involved when clearly, it's Science Fiction?

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