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FPS cliches wanted!

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What are some of the FPS cliches that make you groan? How can you cram as many of them into a single game as possible? For example, time to crate should be 0 seconds. You should literally start in a warehouse or depot, with the view looking at a pile of crates. Others?

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You are a retired secret special-ops marine, called back to protect your country from alien Nazi mutants.

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Here's a building of pathetic enemies with bad eyesight and malfunctioning hearing aids. Take this awesome lethal weapon and sneak through there without using it.

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You somehow misplaced all that killer equipment that was just laying around five minutes ago, and have to start level two with your trusty pea shooter.

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DooM3
Spawn closets, monster closets, exploding barrels... many more that I can't remember.

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Quote:
Original post by AngleWyrm
You somehow misplaced all that killer equipment that was just laying around five minutes ago, and have to start level two with your trusty pea shooter.


But don't worry - your enemies have left equipment only you can use all around their base.

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hehe yeah, it's a wonder they don't charge gold pieces for it.

Here's another one: Got six different weapons, various attachments, reload ammo quick key...and everything else in the universe is just one generic 'Use' button.

[Edited by - AngleWyrm on January 24, 2009 1:42:23 PM]

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Many of those are great! I love the air shaft into the HQ. Exploding barrels is another good one.
Also, how about corridors that can only run north/south or east/west on a grid?
Note: I'm mostly interested in content/gameplay, rather than bugs/user interface.

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Crushed by poorly designed elevators with no safety equipmenet.
Running at full speed while having only 1 perecent health left.
Can't jump over items higher than 12 inches.
Mysterious single handed chainsaws with blood splatter left by previous owners in hidden nooks, usually accessible by water.
Giant pills which restore some of your health, sometimes you also find them in boxes.
Mysterious armor enhcancing body spray, scatter about, usually found with giant health pills.
Magic anti-gravity wells embeeded in the ground, moving over them will propell you 20 feet into the air.
Toxic waste drums, barrels and large vats mysteriously left exposed randomly in the complex, with no safety equipement what-so ever!

Enjoy!

-ddn

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Quote:
indestructable thin wooden doors


Those are hardwood doors, for sure!

How about "monsters chained inside cages, with a lever to open the cage found three stories blow in another part of the complex"?
Oh, and "exploding crates that look exactly like regular crates"?

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Your NPC Team know only how to complain about you, not how to kill the enemy, thus leaving you to fend for yourself on two fronts.

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A super-advanced force field, with an activation switch that does not require key, password, or biological identification, and is located on the outside of the facility.

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Having to swim three miles underwater, travel through corridors with wall-mounted, floor-mounted and ceiling-mounted flamethrowers, make numerous jumps across precarious platforms, and kill 42 demons, all in order to find a key/object/lever that grants me access to the next area. How does anyone ever get anywhere, or get anything done? I certainly hope the bathroom doors aren't locked.

Quote:
indestructable thin wooden doors

I'm usually carrying around a couple hundred grenades and dozens of rockets for my rocket launcher. Besides the obviously ridiculous backpack I'm wearing, why can't I simply nuke my way through *any* obstruction?

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Some of these suggestions are so ingrained in FPS-culture that no one will recognize them as cliches unless overtly pointed-out. I suggest a useless ally that contacts you via radio at various times throughout the game in order to cleverly point out the cliches.

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The team:

- You're a generically tough-looking white guy with short brown hair.
You have (choose one or more):
  • super-soldier psychic powers
  • super-soldier cybernetic modifications
  • super-soldier genetic modifications
  • ... and you don't know it yet!
  • ... and are an unwilling test subject of said super-soldier powers!
  • ... and must fight a previous generation of the experiment gone wrong!

- The Sniper is a hot chick with long hair, worn down. Possibly asian.
- The Heavy Weapons guy is black and really big.
- The Demolitions Guy is, choose two: old, psychotic, Scottish.

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At some point in the game you discover that the people you work for are actually the evil bad guys, so you change teams and work with the people whose friends you slaughtered for the past bunch of missions, who don't really seem to hold a grudge. At all.

Also, planting a bomb or something of the sort, and having to escape the facility in a limited time, probably running back the way you came in.

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- Enemies run screaming at you in various languages, which they appear to know NOTHING of. They scream CHIPS CHIPS CHIPS in Chinese.
- No surge protectors on vital equipment.
- Surveillance cameras look only at rooms that could be seen by looking out the window of their room anyway.
- Enemies get crappy peashooters until halfway through the game, where they whip out rocket launchers and sniper rifles, not to mention tanks.
- The villian is a close friend of someone important, who isn't in on the evil plot at all.

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Maybe you can design the player character's pants in traditional FPS fashion:
Free Image Hosting at www.ImageShack.us

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A pitch black level and you've got a flashlight that only runs for 30 seconds before needing to recharge.

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Long meandering hallways, making the simple act of leaving a building into a long process, which is unfortunate because some nefarious person has rigged a bomb to explode in the building but giving you just enough time that you might escape if you navigate the building perfectly.

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I guess I can reduce my previous one to:

a) Ridiculously complex building layouts
b) Bombs with countdown timers.

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