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reaper567

"Summer Snow in Florida"

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It all began when I woke up at 2 o'clock in the morning at the Sunnysun hotel in Miami, Florida. What woke me up was the frostbite starting to take place on my bare toes. Had I been in Antartica I might have not been surprised, but i wasn't in Antartica. Not by far.In fact I was in one of the warmest places in the warmest time of the year. I was in Florida and it was in the middle of summer, and the day before had been the hottest day in over thirty years. At first I wasn't too surprised about the subzero temperatures because I had expected my heat-sensitive wife Karen had probably turned the thermostat to the lowest temperature possible. So I slowly and awkwardly rose out of the cruddy bed in the cruddy room that we had saved so much hard-earned money on. I went over to the thermostat, and to my surprise the thermostat was the same as it was when we arrived two days ago. I figured there must have been something wrong with the room, which wouldn't be a surprise to me considering the quality of everything else in the hotel. I silently, so I wouldn't wake my wife, slid on my ragged jeans with holes in them and my filthy swiss-cheesed t-shirt that I wore yesterday. I slowly made my way down five stories to the front desk, which was manned by a short old lady that was well known for sleeping on the job. I opened my mouth to speak and suddenly the phone rang and she put her finger up in my face to signal for me to be quiet while she took the call. It turned out I wasn't the only one having the problem, another family was calling about their room that was in subzero temperatures also. While I waited for her to finish taking the rest of the calls complaining about the same problem, I decided to take a look around and when I looked out the glass-screen door I noticed it was snowing. Snowing? Why was it snowing in the middle of summer, and why was the snow in the form of a blizzard? Amazed and awestruck I headed toward the door to check if it was real or if someone was just pulling my leg, but as I headed for the door something very big and fast flew past the door. What in the world could that have been? It was about eight feet tall, had a giant hump on its back, and was moving faster than a cheetah. For the last twenty-five years I had believed the cheetah was the fasted land creature known to man, and I'm only twenty-seven. It looked like a bald gorilla with pale-gray skin. It also had huge claws sharp enough to slice a tank in half. That is the beginning of the story, the rest pretty much goes that these creatures end up being a species of alien that use special technology to use nature to its advantage. After humans figure out the secret weapon the aliens were using, they located it and sent in special forces to take out the weapon. After taking out the weapon the humans exterminate the rest of the aliens on the planet.Pretty much this would be a survival puzzle game kind of like portal) where you solve puzzles and use objects around you to survive. Please tell me if you like this story, or give constructive criticism.

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Interesting, but could really use some work. If you don't mind I gave a shot at rewriteing:



I was shivering uncontrollably when I woke. The last Jager bomb still danceing in my head. The hotel room was a Priceline.com special, Florida is that expensive when you are a young married couple. I peaked from under the covers, it was still lastnight but with a strange refracted light danceing through the drawn curtains.

Lastnight was the booze filled sexcapade we had promised each other capping the hottest day on florida record. She lay sleeping, as usual, through anything. I shifted to look at the time. The unwarmed spots on the bed like an ice block on nude skin.

The clock was silent, dead to the world. Had we knocked its cord from the wall? Was the power out? I reached for the phone, there was a stillness to the room that only reinforced the absolute chill in the air. Its out too.

God it was cold, my breath fogging the air. I fished at my jeans from under the covers. And with the sort of bravery only drunkards muster, I slipped them on squelching a cold induced scream. Threw off the covers, the chill like icepicks on my nakedness. Then leaped from the bed.

It was cold, ungodly cold, ungoldy soberingly cold.

My hands and feet were completely numb even after layering up with extra jeans, shirts, and socks from the raided suitcase. My cold shock induced sobriety was turning to anger, the thermostat refuseing to kick on the heater.

She still lay sleeping under a pile of bedding, ambivient to the world. Peaceful, comfortable. I was half tempted to rejoin her as I went out for the front desk. But my chattering teeth made up my mind. I broke into a run as the room door closed. Down five flights of stairs and that long L-shaped halway. It was dark, power seemed to be completely out, why was I even suprised by this?

The front desk was empty, dark, nobody in sight. I called out, only echos greeting me. My eyes adjusted to the dim moonlight danceing in through the windowed front entrence. Only then did I get a good look at the unprecedented blizzard in Florida outside the hotel. I took a closer look, my breath adding a layer of ice to the glass. Despite the run, the numbness had crawled up to my knees. I scraped a hole in the glass to spy out from the iced over window. Couldn't feel my hands anyway.

Nothing moved outside, no tracks or lights. The snow was at least three feet thick and falling fast. Parking lot was a sea of white with lumps hideing cars underneath. I called out again, nothing answered.

Then I saw it.

A buick sized snow lump burst open outside. It was like some mutant crossbreed between a bat and polar bear, only with much bigger teeth. Picked itself up, quickly glanced around. Then with an explosion of motion it flew off out of sight.

For a minute or three I just stared in bewilderment. It took the smell of my own urine freezeing to layers of jeans to snap me out of it.

I was so cold and numb now it was hard to breathe. But with a hard swallow of ice pick air. I called out again as loud as I could.

And this time something answered me...

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