Eldardeen.
Author
You are Wedonkind, a recluse assassin long turned Monk of Solitude after being forced to murder your own treacherous mother. Having been in the wilderness of unsettled territories to the North for over two decades, you are largely unaware of the chaos gripping society until a red-robed messenger boy from Eldardeen finds you meditating on a rock, wordlessly handing you a sealed parchment.
It is a letter from Eldan, a Seerin Master, gifted protectors of the throne.
" Wedonkind, old friend, I am sending this in secret. Our sacred code instructs those in my order never to take matters into our own hands unless there is a direct threat to the throne. You, however, have only your own code to restrict you.
" A new emperor, secretly an eleven-year-old boy, has seized control of Eldardeen, and many other territories by force. He has done this legally. His guiding mission is the reclamation of the Drendin people's home island, an island we were forced to leave hundreds of years ago, as the result of similar ideals. As noble as this flighty mission may be, his cruelty and oppression cannot be abided.
" You must kill the boy."
You smirk your infamous smirk. Your enthusiasm, however, is fleeting, bringing about old and tired feelings of self-hatred. You have sworn never to kill; not for money, not for power, not for anything.
But before long, your curiosity gets the best of you. After all, you're not a monster... anymore. You travel to Arjasus, once your lustrous home, to discover a mud-plastered, filth-ridden pit of villainy and oppression, echoed even by the lowest of Imperial ranks. It is your conscience which drove you never to kill again. And it is that very same conscience that tempts you to take matters upon yourself. Perhaps you truly are, as Eldan implied, the only one who can fix this right bloody mess.
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This is the beginning of a story I've been meticulously hatching in my brain for nearly a decade. The game in mind, however, only takes place during the three days it takes for Wedonkind to complete his mission. You get to sneak into an island fortress, Eldardeen, and murder the child emperor.
Of course there are a few twists along the way, but if I ever end up getting this game made, I don't want to spoil it.
Some elements come off as slightly cliched, but it depends on how you pull things off. The one thing that comes to mind is, if it is done incorrectly, it might feel like an Assassin's Creed knockoff. But, yet again, it depends on your setting and style.
Wow! A new emperor that is secretly an 11 year old boy!?
Guess you can't trust kids these days.
So you might want to change the line "You must kill the boy" into "You must kill the boy emperor".
Because with all the talk of secrets and plot twists, I'm thinking Wedonkind should kill that red-robed messenger boy just to be on the safe side. [wink]
Seriously though, this is an interesting start. Looking forward to see how it develops. :)
Guess you can't trust kids these days.
So you might want to change the line "You must kill the boy" into "You must kill the boy emperor".
Because with all the talk of secrets and plot twists, I'm thinking Wedonkind should kill that red-robed messenger boy just to be on the safe side. [wink]
Seriously though, this is an interesting start. Looking forward to see how it develops. :)
Hwaoh, Whyye, Hoas, Diitts, Gaous etc...
Fail, Fail and then tripley so.
I bes watching this article, tafferys. Do not bes that thys bes not watching ueses demise atsies endy of the story. Coulsy please makesies an efforts to make up thy's own efforts. Pleaseys please.
It is the Mothership Connection! Beeming Down! Time to put the funk in funkadelic. You, however, have not put the Wedon into Wedonkind. The funk brothers of the eastern Blackhood Funkhood have decided that you cannot compare to the others, hah hah yea. i hear this, its the Mothership Connection beeeeeeemmmmming down to funk up LoopZilla with some Candy. Boooo Yah!
I'm guessing that the main character is a Bosmer or Wood Elf, Gnome or Halfling (Guess the games! Win twenty points if you have guess themn correctly, minus the fifty points for copying the game ideas of, ohh... let's see, uhhhhhh... several, thinking five to seven, yeah, that's about right. Oh, remember to add on ten points for actually trying to name the characters, factions and locales differently to others. Minus five points for your troubling effort to try and describe your character and his actions, even though you only needed to briefly describe him- it is a him, right?).
Seriously, though. You have good, if not great, ideas. There were a number of things that are dangerously close to infriging, nay, bordering on other companies IPs.
I like the Kung-Shu fire monk thing going on there (Wait, was that in there. Damm, that monkey on my back just won't go away and, now, I've got a leprechaun on my back. It's making me think in confoundingly, esoterically different foramts of a subconsious indifference mind- or something to a similar effect).
Mother killings are not, I repeat, not, kosher. Daddy killings, yes, granted your character would be a quasi-bas@*#'£. Boys as emperors, no no no. Teenage boys, yes and yes. (Like the King James I reference, I think it was him? I'm I wrong).
The letter. May the god grant mercy on your sole, that they have allowed this offense to pass. I see: two cliches, one copy, one original. Character: two copies for no "appropriate reason". Humourous though.
No, you've got some decent ideas, Artimus Bena. Let me give you a very oldskool tip designing a game in your thoughts. Like the Shay-Wun masters of old (A couple of geeks - not nerds, make the distinction between them - thinking they are rulers of some kiddies land). When anything pops into your head (Not that, not that and definitely not that- you some kind of sick pervet), make sure you only think about for five minutes. Let it pass. Another thought comes into your head, five minutes. Put one and one together to make two. Simmer and let rise into a puffed-up idea that is adding new ones every couple of hours (These are the actual good ones). Skim off the top (the gunk, rubbish etc...) and you've got yourself an idea that has taken form within a few days to a couple of weeks to focus and profited in a design that actually has some potential.
P.S. Stay away from High Fantasy. Or be forever doomed to be a geek. (Go with Steampunk instead. It'll be a lot harder to make one for this but worth it.
Fail, Fail and then tripley so.
I bes watching this article, tafferys. Do not bes that thys bes not watching ueses demise atsies endy of the story. Coulsy please makesies an efforts to make up thy's own efforts. Pleaseys please.
It is the Mothership Connection! Beeming Down! Time to put the funk in funkadelic. You, however, have not put the Wedon into Wedonkind. The funk brothers of the eastern Blackhood Funkhood have decided that you cannot compare to the others, hah hah yea. i hear this, its the Mothership Connection beeeeeeemmmmming down to funk up LoopZilla with some Candy. Boooo Yah!
I'm guessing that the main character is a Bosmer or Wood Elf, Gnome or Halfling (Guess the games! Win twenty points if you have guess themn correctly, minus the fifty points for copying the game ideas of, ohh... let's see, uhhhhhh... several, thinking five to seven, yeah, that's about right. Oh, remember to add on ten points for actually trying to name the characters, factions and locales differently to others. Minus five points for your troubling effort to try and describe your character and his actions, even though you only needed to briefly describe him- it is a him, right?).
Seriously, though. You have good, if not great, ideas. There were a number of things that are dangerously close to infriging, nay, bordering on other companies IPs.
I like the Kung-Shu fire monk thing going on there (Wait, was that in there. Damm, that monkey on my back just won't go away and, now, I've got a leprechaun on my back. It's making me think in confoundingly, esoterically different foramts of a subconsious indifference mind- or something to a similar effect).
Mother killings are not, I repeat, not, kosher. Daddy killings, yes, granted your character would be a quasi-bas@*#'£. Boys as emperors, no no no. Teenage boys, yes and yes. (Like the King James I reference, I think it was him? I'm I wrong).
The letter. May the god grant mercy on your sole, that they have allowed this offense to pass. I see: two cliches, one copy, one original. Character: two copies for no "appropriate reason". Humourous though.
No, you've got some decent ideas, Artimus Bena. Let me give you a very oldskool tip designing a game in your thoughts. Like the Shay-Wun masters of old (A couple of geeks - not nerds, make the distinction between them - thinking they are rulers of some kiddies land). When anything pops into your head (Not that, not that and definitely not that- you some kind of sick pervet), make sure you only think about for five minutes. Let it pass. Another thought comes into your head, five minutes. Put one and one together to make two. Simmer and let rise into a puffed-up idea that is adding new ones every couple of hours (These are the actual good ones). Skim off the top (the gunk, rubbish etc...) and you've got yourself an idea that has taken form within a few days to a couple of weeks to focus and profited in a design that actually has some potential.
P.S. Stay away from High Fantasy. Or be forever doomed to be a geek. (Go with Steampunk instead. It'll be a lot harder to make one for this but worth it.
Author
I must explain, the point to most of my storytelling is to take cliches and turn them on their head. The hero is not a hero, the enemy is not evil, the magicians never use their power, and the magician's leader is not some mentor, nor is he invincible. It's all about conflicts within each character.
I agree about high fantasy.
Dex, I've gleaned some interesting things from your message, but for the most part it comes off as indecipherable, insane rambling :P forgive me.
I've never played assassin's creed. I was afraid my story elements might parallel something in existence, but as I've thought through the scenario and constructed it very carefully, it would be a disservice to change things simply because of the fact.
I agree about high fantasy.
Dex, I've gleaned some interesting things from your message, but for the most part it comes off as indecipherable, insane rambling :P forgive me.
I've never played assassin's creed. I was afraid my story elements might parallel something in existence, but as I've thought through the scenario and constructed it very carefully, it would be a disservice to change things simply because of the fact.
Your story sounds interesting, the only thing i find kind off is the back story of the assassin. It's going to be really hard to make a story about being forced to kill your trecherous mother. Hard to imagine even an assassin will kill his own mother wether she tried to kill him or alerted the gaurds to his whereabouts. To read about an assassin that will kill his own mother is disturbing on its own but to play that assassin really is something else. I guess the hard part is getting the audience to feel for the character and some what understand him. I really think you should change the backstory to the main character maybe to like he was assigned to kill a woman that was waiting on a bridge and when he dealt the blow, then he realised the woman who's life he took was his own mother.
This is my opinion only but i think your story has alot of potential.
This is my opinion only but i think your story has alot of potential.
Author
I don't intend to reveal too much about Wedonkind's past in the game, but the gist of the circumstances surrounding his mother's murder is this:
He kills his father on accident while training with him when he is a boy, showing great aptitude for combat at a young age. His mother only partly forgives him, and he never forgives himself. What she doesn't forgive him for is leaving her when her abusive, unforgiving treatment of him drives him to go into "business" for himself when he's 17 or so.
When she finds him, let's just say it gets physical. She survives that particular conflict, but when Wedonkind learns of the kinds of people she has killed for sport, namely innocent people, he stabs her in the back in broad daylight. It is a crime of passion, and he regrets it immediately. She is, after all, his mother.
Wedonkind disappears, avoiding the city guard, to the harsh, unsettled territory to the north, where he finds a small group of "Clarifyers", or "Monks of Solitude" as they are known in Arjasus. Their ways are simple, focused on quieting the soul and living off the land, and at the time it seems the only way he can quell the fire within his heart and come to terms with the life he has lead.
He kills his father on accident while training with him when he is a boy, showing great aptitude for combat at a young age. His mother only partly forgives him, and he never forgives himself. What she doesn't forgive him for is leaving her when her abusive, unforgiving treatment of him drives him to go into "business" for himself when he's 17 or so.
When she finds him, let's just say it gets physical. She survives that particular conflict, but when Wedonkind learns of the kinds of people she has killed for sport, namely innocent people, he stabs her in the back in broad daylight. It is a crime of passion, and he regrets it immediately. She is, after all, his mother.
Wedonkind disappears, avoiding the city guard, to the harsh, unsettled territory to the north, where he finds a small group of "Clarifyers", or "Monks of Solitude" as they are known in Arjasus. Their ways are simple, focused on quieting the soul and living off the land, and at the time it seems the only way he can quell the fire within his heart and come to terms with the life he has lead.
If Wedonkind is such a nice guy, why did he become an assassin at the age of seventeen? I must admit that you have a perfect situation to develop some twisted episodes of self-loathing, but they don't tie in well with your intro. Part of that may be tied to your choice of words.
To put it blatantly, Wendonkind is a murder with a name I have no clue how to pronounce. Starts out when he is a kid, and he knocks of dear old dad while in the middle of training, getting his first taste. His mother is a screamer with a penchant for hitting things, who thinks that it is all Wendonkind's fault; more violence in his life. Violence that he learns to direct into killing things, not flashily, not dramatically, but still bloody efficient. So he hits the streets and makes his way.
Years pass, lets say that he is now twenty-three. He's in good. He has people backing him, and a healthy flow of work; he's in the underground and he knows it. His past still bugs him, he lives out of the whiskey bottle, but he knows how to kill and that gets him through the day. Then a contract comes, with an easy mark and enough money to pull him out of the rat's nest. There is only the small fact that he doesn't know that it is his mother, until the knife is in her chest, and they are standing in the middle of an all-too-public roadway.
The pain of killing his mother coupled with all the things she did to him throughout his life, pushes him that one step too far. The city guards are hounding his blood, his employer is obviously brimming with bad blood, and all the walls of his pretty little world are falling down. So he runs. Not just to avoid the immediate threat, but to run from his fears, to run from his pain. He has enough money to make it, he has enough skill to hack it, and he has enough fear to keep running long after his feat are just a pair of bloody stumps. so he runs.
He never knew if it was he who found the monks, or if they were the ones to find him. All he knew was that they didn't ask questions, and that they could hide him for years. It was a place for him to rest, and forget his past life. For sure, he never really got into the monk thing, only paying enough lip service to keep his place. And believe it or not, he did actually learn a thing or two. But it wasn't enough.
The day the messenger came, it felt like the sky was falling about him. Before the note was even in his hand, the memories gushed like blood through open wounds. Things were still too fresh. But he was still young, still curious, and with trembling hands he held the parchment before him. The words brought up a blood of a different kind. His employer, the one who gave him a contract to kill his own mother, had a hand in things. It was never stated, of course, but the 'child emperor's' goal sounded just a bit too familiar.
The time for peace was over. The time for running was past. While some things can be forgotten, others must be burned away.
...See my point?
To put it blatantly, Wendonkind is a murder with a name I have no clue how to pronounce. Starts out when he is a kid, and he knocks of dear old dad while in the middle of training, getting his first taste. His mother is a screamer with a penchant for hitting things, who thinks that it is all Wendonkind's fault; more violence in his life. Violence that he learns to direct into killing things, not flashily, not dramatically, but still bloody efficient. So he hits the streets and makes his way.
Years pass, lets say that he is now twenty-three. He's in good. He has people backing him, and a healthy flow of work; he's in the underground and he knows it. His past still bugs him, he lives out of the whiskey bottle, but he knows how to kill and that gets him through the day. Then a contract comes, with an easy mark and enough money to pull him out of the rat's nest. There is only the small fact that he doesn't know that it is his mother, until the knife is in her chest, and they are standing in the middle of an all-too-public roadway.
The pain of killing his mother coupled with all the things she did to him throughout his life, pushes him that one step too far. The city guards are hounding his blood, his employer is obviously brimming with bad blood, and all the walls of his pretty little world are falling down. So he runs. Not just to avoid the immediate threat, but to run from his fears, to run from his pain. He has enough money to make it, he has enough skill to hack it, and he has enough fear to keep running long after his feat are just a pair of bloody stumps. so he runs.
He never knew if it was he who found the monks, or if they were the ones to find him. All he knew was that they didn't ask questions, and that they could hide him for years. It was a place for him to rest, and forget his past life. For sure, he never really got into the monk thing, only paying enough lip service to keep his place. And believe it or not, he did actually learn a thing or two. But it wasn't enough.
The day the messenger came, it felt like the sky was falling about him. Before the note was even in his hand, the memories gushed like blood through open wounds. Things were still too fresh. But he was still young, still curious, and with trembling hands he held the parchment before him. The words brought up a blood of a different kind. His employer, the one who gave him a contract to kill his own mother, had a hand in things. It was never stated, of course, but the 'child emperor's' goal sounded just a bit too familiar.
The time for peace was over. The time for running was past. While some things can be forgotten, others must be burned away.
...See my point?
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