Sign in to follow this  
Pete Michaud

So, the god of weather walks into a bar...

Recommended Posts

You're the God of Weather. You're not a bad guy. In fact, you're kind of a hopeless romantic. You believe love conquers all. Still, everyone is against you, on account of you want to destroy the universe. C'est la vie, I guess. Here's the scoop: You and your brothers were born into the oppressive, endless darkness between the bodies of your titan parents, the sky and the land. You're okay with this, mainly because you really love your parents and you know they love each other and would be heart broken if they were apart. Your brothers though, they want to move around and be able to see stuff. Selfish pricks. Anyway, despite your protests they manage to pry your parents apart and the God of the Forest, he props up your dad, the sky, with his bigass trees. Giant things. It's a bad scene. Your dad cries so much that he fills the world with an ocean of tears. Poor guy. So you lash out--you try to lay the smack down on your brothers to get them to knock this crap off. You beat them all, except your asshole brother the God of War. That guy is pretty buff. You've finally unhatched your plan after all this time. There are little mortal creatures running around on your mom now, but the score is basically the same as it was before. You make a plan. 1) God of War is in the way, so you jump him while he's not looking. You dismember him and have your kids take the parts to different parts of the world. Now the others don't have their big brother to stick up for them. 2) You trick your little brother, God of Volcanoes, into tearing up the land. You want him to kill off as much plant life as possible. For one thing, it'll really hack off your pissant brother, God of the Forest. But for another, without plants, there will be a sort of dustbowl because there will be no roots to hold the moisture is or the soil in place. 3) So with God of the Forest distracted, and the roots of his giant ass trees weakened by the now-sandy soil, you'll go in and push them over. Your mom and Dad will be back together in a loving embrace. It'll end all life, but hey, anything for love. That's the plan, and it goes fine... until some little fuckhead mortal actually STOPS your little brother from errupting his volcanoes. I mean what the fuck? So now you're pretty peeved at the mortal thing, but you've also got to think fast... there's no dust bowl, and the giantass trees are too strong for your windy might to knock over unless they are in weak soil. What do you do? You probably want to squash the little mortal, but what's your plan to weaken the big trees now? Bonus points if you can involve the ocean somehow.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sure thing, you can totally do all that stuff. But do you think any of that stuff will knock over those bigass trees?

I'm talking BIG. Like, really big. Like World Tree, visible from space big, not real-life "gee-golly that's a large tree" big. Like, I'm the fucking god of weather and storms and I can't knock this thing over, big.

I can dig the Tsunami thing though, maybe... it'd hack your other brother, God of the Ocean off pretty bad, and I thought the trees would be land locked, but maybe they aren't. Maybe they're close enough to the water.

Maybe with your kids pushing, while you knock a big wall of water into it, that would be enough.

What do you think God of the Ocean would have to say about that? What would he do to stop you? What would you do to stop him from stopping you?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sun, yes, you might recognize the story. I'm trying to mine for some original thought on this matter though, and I've found it's helpful to look at things from the perspective of the "bad" guys when there's a writer's block. Shifting the perspective and tone this way lets me (and hopefully others) think through the action in a more pragmatic way, because we can identify more with Weather's emotional plight, rather than mentally labeling him as an Evil, amorphous Weather Diety and letting the cliche tripe flow from there.

He's just a guy, and his intentions are good (good lord, please don't let him be misunderstood).


Bread, I understand what you're saying. It depends on the source material which doesn't all agree. Most sources just divide the gods, pre creation, into personality categories, like God of War being a violent douchebag, for example. They say that you (Weather God) routed your brothers, driving Forest to hide in the woods, Ocean to hide in the water, and a few others I didn't mention to hide in various other places. It doesn't matter, really. You're a god, somehow, now that the world exists, and you have dominion over the weather.

The question is, what are you going to do about it?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this