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Opinion on Cover Letter

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Hi again!

I'm applying for an internship at several companies, one of which is Irrational Games. How is this for a cover letter? Thanks!!


To Whom It May Concern:
Hi. My name is José Pedro Abalos, I’m currently studying Computer Science and I’m writing this email in response to the job offerings you have posted on your website and your comments on Twitter. I’m aware that your company is looking for new talent and growing, and I’m here to ask you if there’s space for an intern programmer in your studio.
I know Irrational Studios has had a long career making games in several genres, such as RPGs (System Shock 2), strategy (Freedom Force) and FPS (Bioshock). What I really like about your games is how they provide compelling gameplay while at the same time they tell a story through the environment, which is, I think, more immersive than just a plain cutscene. It is a good challenge to achieve that, and that’s why I would like to join your team at an intern-level position.
I will graduate next year in Civil Engineering with a degree in Computer Science and, as the enclosed resume further illustrates, I believe the experience I’ve had so far would allow me to fit more easily inside your programming team. I also invite you to visit my web page and check out my portfolio.
I look forward to meeting with you to discuss the possibility of an interview at your convenience.

Yours sincerely,
José Pedro Abalos




P.S: After the cover letter I put the resume on the mail itself, where you can find the link to the page.

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It doesn't perform the essential functions of a cover letter - briefly explain who you are and how you will benefit their team!

I highly suggest you read through the Cover Letter Workshop. There is a whole bunch of information on writing cover letters on that website, but at least read through the three Cover Letter Workshop links.

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Quote:
Original post by jpalz
Hi again!

I'm applying for an internship at several companies, one of which is Irrational Games. How is this for a cover letter? Thanks!!


To Whom It May Concern:
Hi. My name is José Pedro Abalos, I’m currently studying Computer Science and I’m writing this email in response to the job offerings you have posted on your website and your comments on Twitter. I’m aware that your company is looking for new talent and growing, and I’m here to ask you if there’s space for an intern programmer in your studio.
I know Irrational Studios has had a long career making games in several genres, such as RPGs (System Shock 2), strategy (Freedom Force) and FPS (Bioshock). What I really like about your games is how they provide compelling gameplay while at the same time they tell a story through the environment, which is, I think, more immersive than just a plain cutscene. It is a good challenge to achieve that, and that’s why I would like to join your team at an intern-level position.
I will graduate next year in Civil Engineering with a degree in Computer Science and, as the enclosed resume further illustrates, I believe the experience I’ve had so far would allow me to fit more easily inside your programming team. I also invite you to visit my web page and check out my portfolio.
I look forward to meeting with you to discuss the possibility of an interview at your convenience.

Yours sincerely,
José Pedro Abalos


1. Get rid of "to whom it may concern" if you can find out who the letter & resume will be read by (maybe human resources?) Call the company and find out.

2. Your first paragraph is too informal and should be more direct. Also, explicitly ask for a position or if one exists.

3. Your other paragraph is not successful in describing how your skills benefit them.

4. Maybe it was because you were posting it online, but make sure you have some contact info other than your email (phone number preferably) after asking for the interview. "I would be interested in discussing my qualifications further in an interview as soon as possible. I can be reached at (123) 456-7890 to schedule an interview and answer any questions you may have."

5. It's "Sincerely yours" or better, just plain "Sincerely"

Hopefully this helps. Definitely look over some example cover letters and fix yours up.

Good luck in the job search.

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First of all, thank you all for the honest feedback! It's been really helpful to me :D. I will try to improve it and check with you later. I thought it was OK (especially after checking with some friends I trust), but it looks I have a long way to go yet.

I have a small question:
Unfortunately, I sent this cover letter a week ago. I know, not my best move. Thing is, I REALLY want to work in either there or Junction Point (to which I also applied, following more or less the same format). Should I just forget about them or apply again in, say, a week, with a refined cover letter?

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Quote:
Original post by Hardcharger
5. It's "Sincerely yours"
It is a transatlantic thing.

In British English, "Yours sincerely" is the correct form, as long as you are addressing the letter a specific individual (by name). If you don't know the person's name (i.e. to whom it may concern), then it would be "Yours faithfully".

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