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spiral_backbone

Rusty Cogs

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[font="Arial"]Hello,
I am working on a jump n' run game, still without a name. I started writing on the concept a few weeks ago, and at this point i need some serious storyline feedback.
For those, who dont want to read the whole story i put it in a few sentences...The next ones. And dont bother to tell me it's bad if it is, i will be still trying :)

Because of lack of recources the Earth sends a colonisation ship to 1400 yrs trip. The ship's library is destroyed by an asteroid during the trip, and when landing, the people forgot their history, and everything else.They made their own steampunkish technology.
2500 yrs after the landing.Your character's father is a university professor, who found that some parts of the technology in the present world cannot be explained by anyone.He constructs a machine with which he can manipulate these parts, and with its help finds out a buried flying saucer under the junkyard of the city. The flying saucer starts to create robot zombies out of the junk and these zombies invade the world. You wake up long time after the apocalypse, finding out that the people are hiding in vaults under the city. Your goal is to get into the saucer, and with its help wipe all the zombies from the planet, save the world, and have fun.[/font]


________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________[size="4"]
Its done. The Earth is almost dead, killed by its children’s hands.And now they have to pay the bill. Or to flee.
The scientists explored more and more opportunities, and finally, have found the humanity a new home. A solar system, really similar to ours, with a planet capable of colonisation. Building a spaceship in outta space was a hard task, but reaching the planet was even harder. 700 light years, with half light speed, are 14 centuries outta space.The people were closed in cryogenic coffins, and were waking up only to breed.

700 years after the start, a collision with an asteroid, named after that as “Eraser” destroyed nothing else, but the spaceship library itself. Along with something else.The knowledge of the people about their past was on the way to get lost.
And it did. People started to forget. Year after year, their history was lost in the traces of their ship. And new ideas started to show up.
But that’s already in the very past.

When the passengers arrived, they used parts of the ship to create their homes, and after a few centuries what was left from it was only a huge skeleton. The travellers were concerned that they have been sent on this planet by their own god, to develop by themselves without his help.Unable to fully understand, or operate with the electronic parts of the ship, they invented their own technology.

The main character, Neo is born 2500 years after the landing (2500 a.l.). He is living in a highly mechanised steam-punk world, working as a professor in a science lab, with his father, Morpheus, a famous scientist. Slowly with the time Morpheus starts to hide more and more from the society, and one day, he appears on the door of his son’s cabinet. He says he wants to show him something important.. Neo follows him to the lab.
His father explains, that the technology in their world is going in an unexpected direction, and he as a scientist has researched, that there is something wrong happening with all of it.

The factories where all the machines are built, are working already more or less without humans inside, and there are already some parts in the modern technology that no one can explain. He tried to find out all the parts that were fitting in this criteria, collecting a pieces from a giant puzzle. What he created he named The Skull, a device which demanded a mind to operate. What he found out was that when in The Skull, he is seeing a net, some type of a communication between all this parts, and that he can organise, and operate with them.

Morpheus divided his sanity into two parts - vegetative and creative. He closed the vegetative part,the basic organism functions that not his project, but his body needed, and the very body in a cryogenic coffin taken from the ship, because he wanted to be concentrated on his work for as long as possible. Than he’s operating the machine with his creative part. During his experiments he managed to build the so called “Playground”, somewhere under the huge junkyard near the city. Step by step he started constructing plain machines, more from curiosity than with any purpose. Soon there was no more space for his ideas, so he decided to bury his lab under the soil.
Going deeper and deeper every single day, he found a flat surface, that was unable to break. He started examining it, taking probes and digging around...but he found nothing.

Suddenly, at this point, something extraordinary happened. Some of the machines started working by them selves, constructing things that Morpheus had never seen before. He tried to stop them, by creating small machine destroyers, that he’s calling “Bugs”, but they were devastated.What was more interesting was that the other machines were not attacking the machines of Morpheus, they were just defending themselves, if attacked.Morpheus wants to show you these machines now.
[size="4"]Once in The Skull, you can only look around, but there is not a lot to see. You hear your father’s voice that tells you to turn on your night vision.He can see what you’re doing on a small screen. You do, and its there... Some robots digging in the ground, others absorbing the soil, and somewhere in the end, near the wall of the hole a few robots going in meaningless circles, dragging parts of themselves, building other parts, You move forward and you reach the wall, so you can see them better.There you get in front a hole in the surface. Your father is exalted. He wants you to get in immediately. You dive down into the darkness, and everything pitches black.
You wake up from a red blinking light. You look around, the cryogenic coffin had opened, but you’re still unable to move. You move your eyes down and you see your body. Your left hand is not a hand anymore. Its replaced by some type of mechanism. You hear punches on the door, and some strange mechanical noises, and the hand rises up by itself. The door gets bumped out of the wall, and the first creature attacks you.The game starts.

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