Still dont understand about haiku, it's a japanese word isnt it? Doh I cant think right now, the world is just too gloomy...
is that a haiku? am I getting crazy? xD

This was a triumph.
You are thinking of a song.

This is not that song.

I dunno but I seem to have more and more doubt about religions, sheesh and now my friends stay away from me. I seem to be lost, like a frost. Many nights passed with a frightful thought that God isnt really exist. But I dare not to think more

Life sucks, so I bought PC
God sucks, so I learnt to program games
His words are boring and dictative, Id better listen to an mp3 player
He delegates most of the task to his subordinates, I saw a hard working 7year old kid who did all the task alone
I think Im turning to be a blasphemer, is it ok?

I think idiot is more apt.

thx guys, I feel like a high wall is obstructing my way. and no matter how hard I try to crush it, it wont budge. I feel so limited...

I know this feeling all too well. When things dont go your way, its easy to forget the times when everything went really well.

For example, as I showed in another thread, I recently built an almost-custom MIDI controller. It works and right now I'm very happy. But if you had asked me a few days ago when I thought I'd blown the SECOND circuit board (replacement would have cost €70 and would have taken three weeks to get here), I would have told a different story. It was the worst feeling ever. Frustration and a sense of uselessness - nevermind that I had other successes not too long before that. Its all too easy to get fixated on the most immediate problems and feel that the world is against you and that you can't do whatever it is you want to do. I guess we all need to take a step back every once in a while and recognise our successes too.


Ok, I know I only talked about success and failure while you are talking about religion.
I think its related though - I take it you believe (or before this believed at least) in god? In that case, what has changed? A feeling that the world (and therefore god) is against you? That things don't go your way and that you are unlucky? You make your own luck and the success/failure thing will show you that the world probably isn't against you. I've had my fair share of depression and know exactly how you feel. I've had identity crises which left me wondering what the point of it all really is. I'm still here and while my life is far far from perfect, I am doing things I enjoy. I quit my job so I can focus on things I love instead of things I'm told to do. Sure, I'm poor as hell now, but I'm learning a lot and doing things I love (and I'm working on the money problem too, so hopefully soon that won't be an issue anymore).
You need to make time for things you love too. If those same things are whats frustrating you, then you need to take a break from them for a while and do something completely different (but still enjoyable; maybe you'll find a new hobby you didn't realize you enjoyed, bonus points if its a sport or something physical since that helps clear your head. Physically building something is good too. Something outside is probably better than something inside).