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This is a written outline for a single-player RPG concept about an Atlantean warrior who must brave dinosaurs, leopards, and other perils in order to save her people. I would especially like some feedback on the mechanics; I worry that they might be too generic.
Ujuma, Atlantean Warrior
I think this thread is possibly suffering from lack of focus - 'Please read my game design and provide feedback' type posts often suffer from this unfortunately.
That said, the game concept document provided is not over long, and fairly easy to read and follow, so I had a quick look through.
Overall I like the idea of the setting, which makes a pleasant change from fantasy/sci-fi fare, and anything which involves dinosaurs is an automatic win in my book.
The storyline is rather clichéd though.
The mechanics section is as you say, fairly generic. Part of the problem is that you seem to have spent a lot of your time talking about those aspects of it which are fairly generic, and glossed over the more interesting and original ones. For example, you spend a lot of time talking about the effects of the character's different movement speeds, but say very little about the mechanics of vine swinging, and dino-riding only gets the briefest of mentions!
You also make no mention of any combat mechanics. You obviously intend to have combat, as you have a section on weapons, but I have no idea how the combat is played out. Is it based on player skill/character skill/some combination of both? Since you make no mention of the perspective to be used, I have no idea if you're looking at a third person point & click style system, or a first person action system.
There is no real detail in any of the mechanics, just general descriptions. For a concept document, this is fine, but to really provide meaningful feedback about the quality of the mechanics they would need to be fleshed out in a lot more detail.
Finally, I am a little confused about the actual purpose of this document. It reads kind of like a concept document, but is perhaps a little too bland for that purpose, largely due to your tendency to go into more detail on the bland aspects and gloss over the more original parts. On the other hand, it is way, way too light on details to be a game design document. If this is a concept document, it needs to paint the most exciting picture possible about your game - (and that may include actual pictures too). This means you will skip on a lot of that detail, (especially the more generic bits) but spend more time making the game sound exciting and awesome.
That said, the game concept document provided is not over long, and fairly easy to read and follow, so I had a quick look through.
Overall I like the idea of the setting, which makes a pleasant change from fantasy/sci-fi fare, and anything which involves dinosaurs is an automatic win in my book.
The storyline is rather clichéd though.
The mechanics section is as you say, fairly generic. Part of the problem is that you seem to have spent a lot of your time talking about those aspects of it which are fairly generic, and glossed over the more interesting and original ones. For example, you spend a lot of time talking about the effects of the character's different movement speeds, but say very little about the mechanics of vine swinging, and dino-riding only gets the briefest of mentions!
You also make no mention of any combat mechanics. You obviously intend to have combat, as you have a section on weapons, but I have no idea how the combat is played out. Is it based on player skill/character skill/some combination of both? Since you make no mention of the perspective to be used, I have no idea if you're looking at a third person point & click style system, or a first person action system.
There is no real detail in any of the mechanics, just general descriptions. For a concept document, this is fine, but to really provide meaningful feedback about the quality of the mechanics they would need to be fleshed out in a lot more detail.
Finally, I am a little confused about the actual purpose of this document. It reads kind of like a concept document, but is perhaps a little too bland for that purpose, largely due to your tendency to go into more detail on the bland aspects and gloss over the more original parts. On the other hand, it is way, way too light on details to be a game design document. If this is a concept document, it needs to paint the most exciting picture possible about your game - (and that may include actual pictures too). This means you will skip on a lot of that detail, (especially the more generic bits) but spend more time making the game sound exciting and awesome.
Idea is definitely unique but it doesn't talk about details of gameplay. It sounds more like a movie script.
[font="ff0,"]Warriors from hostile tribes are among the most difficult to fight not only because[/font][font="ff0,"]of their superior intelligence[/quote][/font]
[font="ff0,"]Superior AI?[/font]
[font="ff0,"][/font]
[font="ff0,"]I was imagining this to be a 3D RPG, but you may be planning to make this in RPG Maker or something. Maybe this belongs in the writing section?[/font]
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[font="ff0,"]Maybe when you do vine swinging, the character will just move faster when going through viny areas if it's RPG Maker or some 2D RPG.[/font]
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[font="ff0,"]If this is going to be a JRPG, it will be easier to implement all the weapons and stuff.[/font][font="ff0,"]
[/font]
[font="ff0,"][/font][font="ff0,"]Ujuma can also sidestep, a useful manuever for dodging enemy charges, and[/font][font="ff0,"]crawl, which is both stealthy and can get her to low places.[/quote]
Sounds like an FPS mechanic. Is this going to be a first-person RPG?[/font]
When I saw the part about fighting dinosaurs the first thing that came to mind was an older game called Turok. It came out in the late 90s for the Nintendo 64, at the very least, and may be something that could help provide some comparisons. There were some sequels, but I never played them.
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