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Necromancer- opening act

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Good afternoon, I finally feel like I have something worth sharing for my game Necromancer, The Fight For Life.

The game will be a monster collecting / training / battling RPG, similar to Pokemon but with a much deeper setting and story.

If you are interested in learning more or giving feedback on my writing so far please follow this link for the opening act-

However please substitute the initial narrator v.o for this:

For generations, the world of Nevera has been a dark and shattered place. Long ago, a great number of wizards, magicians and sorcerers, discovered powers over life and death.

Consuming and corrupting, the use of these abilities devastated the land, and those who wielded them were called, Necromancers.

Many used these powers to seek tyranny, destruction and immortality, by the most terrible means. Horrendous wars were fought, alliances forged and territories claimed, irreparably misshaping the world.

Now, hordes of undead roam the land like wild beasts, and more Necromancers than ever pursue even greater power. One of the last small places in the world which retains some sense of serenity, will suffer a calamity, and give rise to one who will alter all Nevera, and life itself.

Thank you for you time.

P.s. I know I use many RPG tropes, for example waking up late for an event, hometown being destroyed, older wiser mentor helping discover new powers. They are deliberate homages to my favorite stories. Enjoy!

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I took a look.


I believe that your text is in  a synopsis style. Maybe you shold eliminate the narrator and give the voice to some character more involved with the universe. Hide some information, for example: you tell us about death n life, but this is something nice to discovery in gameplay, in a moment when the player is learning about necromancers.


The gamesplay idea (pokemon style) is a good thing. This game type has a good market reception 

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I gotta say, the idea intrigues me. Not so much the story...


How will the game be played? Is it a first person, third person, top-down? Will it be turn based movement, side-scroller, 2d, 3d?


I'm asking these questions because I did some poking around your site and it seems like the only real thing you're taking into consideration (again, just from what I could find) is the story. Yeah, you have a couple of sprites out there, but not much info about the game and to me it seems pretty vague what kind of game it will be.


You said it had a pokemon style mechanic, but that could be added into nearly any game if you work at it. 

Theory and design are great, but I think you should take more time thinking about the fun of the game and not the complexity.


I think you should take a step back, be less philosophical about the whole thing and really boil the game down to what you want. You want a darker pokemon with zombies and monsters instead of electric giraffes and water ponies. So from there, plan out how you want a typical interaction to play out in the game. How does the player view the character? How does a battle start? How does the player control their monster? How does the player catch a monster? If you can define all of this and make it fun then you're good.


Just my thoughts on it, but I think you're trying to build up a game around a story that is based off a mechanic from a different game that you liked. Confusing, isn't it? Well because of that, I don't see it as that strong. Its an interesting idea, but to me the story is really the weak part.


Not trying to be harsh, just giving you my opinion on your game idea. 

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I took a look.


For some reason I had a good laugh about the idea of you giving feedback without taking a look...


Thank you for your feedback, I agree and am still in the early stages of deciding what to introduce at the beginning and what to show later in the story. 



How will the game be played? Is it a first person, third person, top-down? Will it be turn based movement, side-scroller, 2d, 3d?


You know, I was originally going to strike back at you, saying that this is the Writing forum, and so I was hoping that you could just comment on the strength of my setting and story. However, after thinking about it more, you are totally correct in your response, and I have not done enough to showcase my concept of the game itself. 


I think it is because my skill and training is in writing, and I am just starting to teach myself game design, art, interface, coding and all these things. So I think I must have been a little insecure and wanted loads of feedback on my story before I let people comment on my actual game design (because the story-telling is where my confidence is). 


So thank you for the kick-up-the-butt, even if it is not what you intended. I have worked very hard on my website tonight to give you what you asked for; the following pages now have insanely early mock-ups of the world map, towns, battles, and menus, with brief descriptions to go with each. I hope it holds your interest and that you feel like coming back with more feedback for me. (I am not sure if you will have to refresh the page once there, if you viewed them before, to get the changes). 








As, you can see, it will be 2D, very basic top down graphics and in the same design structure of games like Golden Sun, Breath of Fire and Pokemon, with similar battle mechanics and interface of the latter. 



All the best :) 

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@Got_Rhythm - Sorry, I wasn't trying to come off as harsh or anything. 


I guess I come at stuff like the story a little differently than others. When the story feels weaker (in this case because you basically have the opening only on your site), I look at the game play supporting it. In this case, I just didn't know enough about the game play to see if the story fit at all. From my first read of the plot, it felt more like an anime script than some major plot points for a game.


To me, now that you've got more info on your site, the story becomes easier to grasp because I know the world you've created and I have an idea of how the player interacts with their undead monsters so it gives me context for the story. Kind of like if one were to read a great novel minus all of the adjectives or descriptions of nouns in the story.


But yeah, I think its an interesting idea.. One thing you might like to take into consideration is having the player explore and learn aspects of the story through game play instead of feeding them content to progress the story.


When looking over the story plot stuff from your first post, it feels like the player isn't in control at all with the exception of the tutorial fight. You might want to consider giving the player options of where to go in game play but have NPC's gentlely nudge the player to a preferred solution to continue the games story. It'll help flesh out the world as well as help the player become more invested in the world. Or even make the player flip through pages of their mini-necronomicon while casting spells, trying to find one that will save the Alex character while she's dying; adding tension and interactivity to the scene. 


So yeah, I like it. biggrin.png

Edited by DaveTroyer

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Great, thank you. I agree I need to work on the balance of how much story and setting I should feed the player at the beginning and how much I should deliver through gameplay.
Here is a full outline of the game arch-

Set in a fantasy world where too many people have learned (or been born with) the powers of necromancy, the land is overrun with undead and necromancers, vying for territory, forming alliances and lusting after more power."

You play Harper, a teenage orphan in a quiet fishing village (player's choice of boy or girl). One day his village is overrun and destroyed by necromancers and undead, and his closest childhood friend is killed in the chaos. In his panic, Harper uses his grandfather’s book of magic to try to save his friend, but accidently fuses her soul into a sewing mannequin (think... Sally from The Night Before Christmas).

Harper must embrace his new powers and sets upon a quest to find a way to restore his friend to full life. Harper will ally himself with different factions of necromancers who each promise him a different path to his goal, and challenge the player’s emotional intelligence with life and death storyline choices.
The end-game will have Harper and his companions descend into the underworld (inspired by Dante’s Descent into Hell) where he will face various gods of death (Hades, Pluto, Thanatos, Odin).

Here’s the twist, once you acquire the power to save your friend at the end of the game, the player will have the choice to restore her to life, or let her pass on peacefully into the afterlife, hopefully making for a really emotionally engaging finale."

So the player will fulfill between 10-15 missions or quests for a faction, before realizing that faction is full of false promises and unable to help save Alex, and then move on to the next faction.

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