After 4 years of learning how to program and making games, I'm starting to realize that game development is not my thing. For few months I was struggling, I had the skills, but I had NO ideas for games, and I realized that I'm not that interested in games, or at least in those AAA games like COD or Battlefield or other shit. When I was younger, yes. I liked playing games, and loved making them. But now, it seems like I've grown out of it. And it's sad. I started programming JUST because I wanted to make games. But the spark inside my is getting dimmer. I still LOVE programming in general though. I like doing stuff with my arduino, I like doing graphics with OpenGL, I like writing terminal ascii tetris game. But I can't seem to force myself to do a bigger project.

But I don't even know why I'm writing this here. Maybe I just want the world to know how I feel. Maybe there are more people like me who just need to stop forcing themselves to do what they don't want.

Edit: I just want to tell that my "depresion" cloud is gone. My mood swings sometimes get the best of me. Now I'm trying to plan my game from ground up, and don't start programming until I have my basic sctech on paper. During the days I was thinking a lot about games, and game design in general. I want to screate something absolutely different, break those stupid standarts that big companies are making. I now know that my game is going to be very simplistic in graphics, slow gameplay, calm music (not sure where I will get that) and vivid colors. I feel like I should express myself in my game. I still don't have an idea for an actualy gameplay, but I'm working on it.

So I was scrolling through "Top" games at google play, and found out 40% of them are clones. Minecraft clones, mario clones, clones of other popular mobile games, counter strike clones and many more. Other 59% are games with shitload of ads and spam. And less than 1% are actually good games. I'm sick of all the games on mobile phones, they just copy a game from PC or console, add the virtual joystick controls, pump it with adds and sell it as "mobile game". You just can't do that. Mobile gaming is not just portable PC or console gaming, it's absolutely different category. And I'm talking about touch screen games. Game devs do not see full potential in all the sensors they are given to use. I will try think differently. I hope I will not fail misserably, I want to at least finish my game, and publish it to the public for free, without ads (if I won't become greedy while making that game)

Well, I did that quitting too, only to come back 4 years later with regrets of not doing what I like. But programming on itself brings lots of satisfactions, so go ahead and try that (also closed source, getting a job in the industry are fun).

Life is too short to push yourself into something you don't enjoy, especially if you have other options...

I pretty much feel that way about writing fiction - I majored in English because I wanted to write novels, but over time I've realized I just don't enjoy the act of creating pages of manuscript. It's too solitary, and I don't have the urge to perform for an audience any more. I also tried being a lead developer and didn't like that - too much decision-making and managerial/secretarial responsibility. I'd like to teach, but with neither publication credits nor the willingness/money to go back to school for a teaching degree that doesn't seem possible to get into.

Well fox, if you want to mess around with something open source, we could really use some help with Maratis3D. I had the same feeling you have now after only a month of game programming. Right now I am working on a little dress up game to see if it is possible for me to even finish a project (Using Maratis).

I have always been a type that doesn't like to do anything that doesn't have a useful purpose. Games are something I play for leisure. When I want a little break I will play a game. The programming side of it all is another thing.

I think I mainly like to make utilities. I don't know how to program them yet, but it is sort of like building a house. When you are finished with your house, it is something you will use over and over and over again. Every day you reap the benefits of your efforts.

There is a certain satisfaction you get from people playing your game and saying "good game" but that will only last for a while then they will trade it in for another one.

One thing is for sure though, you will get satisfaction out of helping others. Perhaps you won't see the impact it has on them, but even a simple "Thank you" is worth it sometimes.

Take care.

If I may answer with a quote:

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

...often misattributed to Kurt Vonnegut, it's actually from Mary Schmich.

I had a little identity crisis a few months ago when I realized I didn't enjoy gaming as much as I used to anymore. This was quite a big deal since that's pretty much where all my "where will I be in ten years" fantasies revolve around. For me the answer was a bit different: I find most the games released nowadays quite bland (I tested this by playing some games from 'the golden age' and non-AAA titles and I still found them very fun). This actually motivated me more - it often reminds me of the Stanley Kubrick quote:

One of the things that gave me the most confidence in trying to make a film was seeing all the lousy films that I saw. Because I sat there and thought, Well, I don't know a goddamn thing about movies, but I know I can make a film better than that.

Anyway, don't worry about it. You found out gamedev is not your cup of tea. Now you get to look for the thing that is. I wish you many fruitful and interesting endeavours in the years to come.