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tom_mai78101

Have you ever had the feeling that you just can't communicate clearly with someone else? Or you lose your peers' attention?

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I was talking to some of my comrades in the camp, when one of them started asking me about my current game project. I told them the best I could about the game, and they seemed to be interested. It was when I kept on discussing about it (more like rambling on and on..., in my opinion), that I started to get a weird feeling in the back of my head.

 

That feeling, described as a "spider sense", was telling me that I can no longer communicate clearly with others anymore.

 

I usually get these feelings when I'm talking about technical stuffs to others who aren't into software development and IT stuffs. The more I get these feelings, the more I become afraid. I'm afraid of myself not being able to stay on par with the outside world, not being able to communicate at a level where everyone else can easily understands me, and not being able to stop when I should really stop rambling.

  1. You ever had that sort of feeling?
  2. You ever had that sort of feeling, but in the other way around? (You're talking about what you know, but your listener starts telling you that the listener can no longer understands you. Or you're alienating yourself unknowingly.)
  3. Have you been able to overcome this?
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Everyone here's probably experienced this. It's especially common with abstract topics with lots of domain-specific jargon like programming or math.

The proper strategy is to adapt what you say, and how you say it, based on what you think your audience can handle (this is true for any discussion).

For example, when my parents ask what I'm doing I just tell them "making a thing that lets players cooperate inside the game". I don't start by explaining how there's a server that stores the guild-player relationships and metadata, or how there's a separate server just for chat channels and trading items. I wait for them to ask questions, and give them the simplest meaningful explanations I can. If they ask more complicated questions, I give more complicated answers. If they stop asking questions, I stop talking about it. Edited by Nypyren
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Have you ever had the feeling that you just can't communicate clearly with someone else?


I've never had the feeling that I can communicate clearly with anyone.

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Of course you need to realize the level of expertise the other guy has. But repeatedly asking "are you still with me" or "did you understand" is quickly considered rude and patronizing. That's why I've deduced the best is to take a breather and give the other guy the opportunity to ask about, expand, and direct the conversation as he would prefer. It's likely he will stop asking technical questions once you've gone in more depth than he can handle. Then you can stay on "that level" and discuss some of the other areas you possibly have in your game :)

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Tbh I feel like this with most people about anything, well outside densely populated regions. Seems any discussion results in confusion, maybe it is a cultural thing, I dunno.

 

I think I might just be missing the city too much and becoming ridiculously bitter tbh /sigh

Edited by Dynamo_Maestro
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You definitely should remember a couple things though...

 

1) You're part of a generation who in general couldn't tell you the difference between your/you're, there/they're/their, or to/two/too...

2) You're part of a generation who in general would spend 15 minutes writing a text, than making a 3 minute phone call...

3) You're part of a generation who in general gets all their knowledge and opinions of world-events through Facebook...

 

So don't expect those people to be able to hold a remotely intelligent convo for more than about 90 seconds.

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Last group project I was in, had a very bright programmer who also was ADD . Couldn't keep any conversation on topic for longer than 2 minutes, but could spend hours programming a single class as long as instructions were left on what needed done.

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I know prob comcate clear, evry undstan thinkig say, orf udget hey unersa nhg.

 

I obviously have a different set of issues living overseas.  I’ve never done game development in an environment in which people spoke English—from the start it was Thai, French, or Japanese—so it is hard to relate right now, but I remember actually living in an English-speaking colony and trying to communicate with those around me long long ago.

 

“At what are you looking?”

“Out from under what rock did you crawl?”

“From where are you?”

“About what are you talking?”

“Don’t touch me there…in public.”

 

Back in the day people could somewhat spell, but had no clue what “grammar” meant.  Today it’s even worse of course, but communication has simply been an NP-complete problem throughout history.

 

If you are aware of the breakdown in the communication process it is your responsibility to rectify it.

Generally that means understanding other peoples’ thought processes so you can find a way to get them to imagine your idea.  And that means having a vivid idea and imagination yourself.

 

If you find that difficult then you need to practice.  Perhaps by prepping yourself by pretending you are talking to your grandmother prior to actually talking to someone on your team.  That may help you identify where you yourself are having troubles in explaining so you can put more effort into specifically those areas.  It helps to focus.

 

 

And then there are some people who are simply hopeless.  Those people, however, should not be in the industry if they are.

 

 

L. Spiro

Edited by L. Spiro
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For example, when my parents ask what I'm doing I just tell them "making a thing that lets players cooperate inside the game". I don't start by explaining how there's a server that stores the guild-player relationships and metadata, or how there's a separate server just for chat channels and trading items.

 

"Mom I'm doing stuff."

"All you do is sit on your arse all day in front of that screen, young boy!"

"Mom! I'm doing important stuff! "

"It's not healthy!"

"Moom!! I'm making a thing!"

 

Yes I know what you mean.

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Happens all the time.  Us folks, technical people, tend to get looked down upon in Western societies, where intelligence is negatively branded as socially-awkward nerds.  Thoughtful discussions of ideas are boring.

 

Throughout my life, I have learned how to communicate to the rest of world, not by learning how to explain technical stuff to them, but by actually talking about things they want to talk about.  You know, the popular TV show you have been watching, what your dog did last night, how lunch tasted funny, that you met celebrity X the other day, that store Y is having 50% sale.

 

Although, I still can't help but ponder how people are taking so much interest in trivial things.  LOLing at collections of yo mama jokes on YouTube, and how people can be so passionately talk about Miley Cyrus and the Kardashians is beyond me.

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Although, I still can't help but ponder how people are taking so much interest in trivial things.


This is how I feel about games like FarmVille. How could people be so entertained by a game that's essentially just waiting for time to pass? People have VASTLY different things that they consider interesting or boring that can seem completely alien to others.
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Throughout my life, I have learned how to communicate to the rest of world, not by learning how to explain technical stuff to them, but by actually talking about things they want to talk about.  You know, the popular TV show you have been watching, what your dog did last night, how lunch tasted funny, that you met celebrity X the other day, that store Y is having 50% sale.

 

Although, I still can't help but ponder how people are taking so much interest in trivial things.  LOLing at collections of yo mama jokes on YouTube, and how people can be so passionately talk about Miley Cyrus and the Kardashians is beyond me.

 

Why do you want to communicate with people like that? What drives you to them? While I don't particularly agree with your first comment as I feel people with city lifestyles especially in massive cities (though I have only lived in a few) are ermm very open to 'technical' discussions; I do 100% agree with the quoted above.

 

I will spare details about my personal life but I think it would be invaluable to hear what drives you towards those types of people in the first place.

Edited by Dynamo_Maestro
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I experience the feeling all the time, and not only about technical stuff, but everything. Even in writing (like here on the forums).

The base of the problem is that I can't even understand my own thinking. It's hard to express...

 

Maybe I should read more, maybe it's some disorder, or maybe that's normal but most people don't realise it because they don't listen to each other too carefully anyway.

 

EDIT: my overcoming of the problem is sweeping it under the carpet. Communication is overrated anyway... In reality, it's mostly just a time passing activity, and that time can be spend on more interesting things.

Edited by szecs
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Throughout my life, I have learned how to communicate to the rest of world, not by learning how to explain technical stuff to them, but by actually talking about things they want to talk about.  You know, the popular TV show you have been watching, what your dog did last night, how lunch tasted funny, that you met celebrity X the other day, that store Y is having 50% sale.

 

Although, I still can't help but ponder how people are taking so much interest in trivial things.  LOLing at collections of yo mama jokes on YouTube, and how people can be so passionately talk about Miley Cyrus and the Kardashians is beyond me.

 

Why do you want to communicate with people like that? What drives you to them? While I don't particularly agree with your first comment as I feel people with city lifestyles especially in massive cities (though I have only lived in a few) are ermm very open to 'technical' discussions; I do 100% agree with the quoted above.

 

I will spare details about my personal life but I think it would be invaluable to hear what drives you towards those types of people in the first place.

 

 

They don't attract me.  I love learning new things, and get exposed to new stuff and places.  I have taken interest in other things in life beside programming.  When you do other things outside of programming, you will meet with various types of people.  The diversity is interesting, but the people don't interest me enough that I can build deeper connection with them.  So the activities are what brought us together in the first place.

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Throughout my life, I have learned how to communicate to the rest of world, not by learning how to explain technical stuff to them, but by actually talking about things they want to talk about.  You know, the popular TV show you have been watching, what your dog did last night, how lunch tasted funny, that you met celebrity X the other day, that store Y is having 50% sale.

 

Although, I still can't help but ponder how people are taking so much interest in trivial things.  LOLing at collections of yo mama jokes on YouTube, and how people can be so passionately talk about Miley Cyrus and the Kardashians is beyond me.

 

Why do you want to communicate with people like that? What drives you to them? While I don't particularly agree with your first comment as I feel people with city lifestyles especially in massive cities (though I have only lived in a few) are ermm very open to 'technical' discussions; I do 100% agree with the quoted above.

 

I will spare details about my personal life but I think it would be invaluable to hear what drives you towards those types of people in the first place.

 

 

They don't attract me.  I love learning new things, and get exposed to new stuff and places.  I have taken interest in other things in life beside programming.  When you do other things outside of programming, you will meet with various types of people.  The diversity is interesting, but the people don't interest me enough that I can build deeper connection with them.  So the activities are what brought us together in the first place.

 

Don't you feel less and less interested in meeting new people after a while, I mean sure the diversity is interesting as you say but after a while don't you suddenly see social effort as ermm pointless as the connection is 'generic' in a sense.

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