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Goobert

Storyline for my video game, Goobert

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i was told to put this here for better feedback. now im INCREDIBLY tired so im going to put what i had there, here, and then ill edit it sometime tomorrow to be more... storyline-filled xD

 

 

Basically, im making a video game called Goobert which is a 2D platformer. its about a voodoo stringdoll named Goobert and his journey to save Stella, a ragdoll that is kidnapped by alien Goo monsters. The Goo monsters invade Gooberts planet to steal "Essence", which is the life force keeping Goobert and everyone else alive. It has the power to bring anything to life, and the Goo's want to use it to conquer other planets. Several of the alien goo's, of different colors, corner Goobert, who accidentally uses a vacuum cleaner to suck up the blue goo, scaring the rest off. Goobert then, trying to get the goo he recently captured out, puts the vacuum in reverse and the goo goes flying out and splatters all over the floor(never to get back up). Trying to leave, Goobert slips on the goo and goes hurdling out a window to the streets below where he sees Stella being taken away. Ironically, Stella hates Goobert and when she sees him trying to rescue her, hurries onto the alien ship as fast as she can.

 

Later goobert goes back to his mess of an alien on the floor and slips again. later, however, he uses the vacuum cleaner to suck up an alien of a different color and its sticky, thus bringing the dynamics of the game; different colored goo's have different properties and you use them to get through the game.

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So, it sounds like you have a basic setup for the main players and the driving force behind things.  Depending on how big a role you want the story to play (be it a full fledged dialog heavy game, or a simple setup leading to an arcade like experience) you'll want to expand on a few things.  First off, the Goo are after the essence, which seems to be native to Goobert's planet, but why are they kidnapping Stella in the first place?  Are they doing the same to other inhabitants?  Trying to capture Goobert himself, or just stop him from foiling their plans.

 

The other major thing you have to consider (especially since it's a game) is how to tell your story.  Reading this, I imagined Goobert discovers Stella being taken, she runs away from him to the ship and he gives chase, vacuum in hand.  That's where the game starts.  I don't think that it necessarily makes sense for him to go and reexamine the original goo splatter, unless there's some other reason he would have to return to his house before going in pursuit.  Even if there was, does it really add anything to have him slip on the same puddle twice in a row?  I would think that slipping once tells the player (and Goobert) what they need to know going forward.

 

Lastly, I am always of the opinion that new game mechanics should be discovered while playing the game.  Assuming the primary mechanic here is sucking up and shooting out goos, I think that Goobert should just come across different colored ones during the course of the game, and the level design should encourage the player to experiment and discover what they do.

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I have completely revamped this, and I would LOVE your feedback. I wrote an entire background story, focusing more on voodoo and nothing on scifi. My biggest thing, however, is that I still need a mechanism to suck up tyese goos but the story is more realistic now, so that might be difficult. I'm going to podt my new background story and a link here, I hope you read it and can gige some advice!!

EDIT!!: Link to new storyline
http://www.gamedev.net/topic/651068-gooberts-revamped-background-story/

Thanks!
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