"Mirabilia": Feedback much appreciated

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1 comment, last by Teaddict 10 years, 3 months ago

Good day to everyone!

I am working on a steampunk-themed platformer. First there are a few points i want to stop at:

1. I am not going to post everything at once, just to make it easier for the feedback to come through. I've seen this "walls of text", and that is really confusing smile.png
2. In this post I will outline the basics of the world, and if everything goes okay, will proceed to other aspects - flora, fauna and the story itself.
3. It was a great fun imagining a whole world smile.png

And a few words about my background - I have an Art degree, but am currently working as a game tester. Thats not my dreamjob, the Indie path is closer to my heart smile.png Hopefully its not going to be too emotional to say also, that this story is a very important part of my future. So - as in the Topic Title - Feedback much appreciated. Hope you have a good read:)


MIRABILIA

The Planet
On the top, as much as is explored the planet is one big desert, but the mapping teams that were sent, never returned. After a few tries, a safe zone that noone leaves with a 100km radius was established around the City.Most of the living spieces adapted to survive unerground, which suggests that whatever change there was - it was either natural, or happened very slow.

The "City"
The inhabitants, that lived there in the past came from the sky to settle down.Than a hole opened under the city, destroying their civilisation. The last survivor was able to launch all the LIVE boxes before the old "City" was almost destroyed, making these boxes the lucky shot of the present culture.
A custom emerged because of the skills that people developed, during this hard period of time. Every Cityzen, armed with the basic knowledge and skills for survival, starts his life alone with a LIVE! box, that takes care of his basic needs. When a certain level of physical and mental skill is achieved, (measured by the same box), he/she is allowed to come back to the community.

The University
This is the building that in the past contained the LIVE! boxes. After the "Hole accident", the survivors that arrived on site used it for shelter. But there was something more, that held them in this place - the hole under the University was the entry to the caves - and therefore food and water. After few generations, the University became a symbol for the establishment, and the new civilization completely settled down on the spot.
The inhabitants started building houses around it, and moved out. The building turned into a center of science and culture. Big part of it was reconstructed, laboratories were created, the people started exploring the flora and fauna of the planet. This was a time of great cultural progress.
After that, the Steam Syndicate took over. Their idea is that only a few men can properly rule the City. They slowly, and intentionally separated the social class to rich and poor, creating tention inbetween. Therefore, the building of the University became a symbol of greed and power over the people.That's why everybody hated it. And that's why the University had to be surrounded by a wall 4 meters high.

The Reactor
After the new civilisation established, at the bottom of the hole they found out the lava, which turned to be a great energy source. The Reactor's purpose is to extract the melted stone, and use its energy for heating a humongous tanks of underground water, which City uses for its needs. Relatively small part of the water is used to produce electricity, which only the upper class and the University uses.

Afterwards, there are 9 plants that I would like to present, so you get the idea for the cousine of the population, what materials they have available, and so on. While i was writing the post, a question came to my mind - is it better to post everything at once, so you get a better picture for the world from the beginning, or not?


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What are your artistic goals with this setting design? Also, what is a LIVE! box?

I want to help design a "sandpark" MMO. Optional interactive story with quests and deeply characterized NPCs, plus sandbox elements like player-craftable housing and lots of other crafting. If you are starting a design of this type, please PM me. I also love pet-breeding games.

Hello!

The LIVE! box is a cryogenic camera, that the person can use as a shelter, after he wakes up. It can extract water, produce food from the molecules in the air, and in general - cover all basic needs of an individual, when in a new environment.

My artistic goal, considering the previous post, is developing the background of the story. It gives the possibility to imagine more clearly what can be possible in the world itself. For example - how would a person from this planet look like, what he/she will eat, etc. Despite of the fact, that not all of this information will be covered in the game, (at least not noticeable) I think that creating the structure of the cosmography, and the way that its details relate to each other, gives the opportunity for more deep and realistic view afterwards. This will help me later on, while working on the concept art and gameplay.

Perhaps releasing only parts of the GDD creates a confusion, so I will take the risk of posting the whole part considering the story below.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
MIRABILIA

The Planet
On the top, as much as is explored the planet is one big desert, but the mapping teams that were sent, never returned. After a few tries, a safe zone that noone leaves with a 100km radius was established around the City.Most of the living spieces adapted to survive unerground, which suggests that whatever change there was - it was either natural, or happened very slow.

The "City"
The inhabitants, that lived there in the past came from the sky to settle down.Than a hole opened under the city, destroying their civilisation. The last survivor was able to launch all the LIVE boxes before the old "City" was almost destroyed, making these boxes the lucky shot of the present culture.
A custom emerged because of the skills that people developed, during this hard period of time. Every Cityzen, armed with the basic knowledge and skills for survival, starts his life alone with a LIVE! box, that takes care of his basic needs. When a certain level of physical and mental skill is achieved, (measured by the same box), he/she is allowed to come back to the community.

The University
This is the building that in the past contained the LIVE! boxes. After the "Hole accident", the survivors that arrived on site used it for shelter. But there was something more, that held them in this place - the hole under the University was the entry to the caves - and therefore food and water. After few generations, the University became a symbol for the establishment, and the new civilization completely settled down on the spot.
The inhabitants started building houses around it, and moved out. The building turned into a center of science and culture. Big part of it was reconstructed, laboratories were created, the people started exploring the flora and fauna of the planet. This was a time of great cultural progress.
After that, the Steam Syndicate took over. Their idea is that only a few men can properly rule the City. They slowly, and intentionally separated the social class to rich and poor, creating tention inbetween. Therefore, the building of the University became a symbol of greed and power over the people.That's why everybody hated it. And that's why the University had to be surrounded by a wall 4 meters high.

The Reactor
After the new civilisation established, at the bottom of the hole they found out the lava, which turned to be a great energy source. The Reactor's purpose is to extract the melted stone, and use its energy for heating a humongous tanks of underground water, which City uses for its needs. Relatively small part of the water is used to produce electricity, which only the upper class and the University uses.

1.4: Plants
On top:
1.4a Funnel: Long thin sticks, coming out of the ground. The branches are very short, and end up T-shaped, with funnel that is thin in the middle and extends both ways. When the air passes through, bacteria glues to the sticky surface of the plant. That's from where it gathers most of its water. Very strong branches, because of the sandstorms.
Height: Round 1,5 - 2m
Usage:
With the sticky liquid from the surface, you can glue something:)
When dried, the plant turns into very strong, breakable material. Bent into different shapes before drying, is used for construction and architecture purposes.


1.4b Ghost: The "Ghost" grows very slow. It has only one very thin and long root, which goal is to go as deep as possible in the ground. On the top, there are no leaves until it starts blooming. The "flower" itself is a a sphere of very thin, like plastic, material. When ready, the wind deattaches the flower, that has one seed attached to the sphere. The floating sphere has a slight glow after sundown, which purpose is to attract bacteria to its surface. The bacteria passes through the surface inside the balloon, and remains there. With the time, the sphere becomes heavier and heavier, until it drops on the ground. Than, with the collected feed, the new plant starts growing a root.

Size: 35 cm in diameter. Some of them reach 50, but this is rare.

Usage: The material from the sphere passes the water inside, and is not letting it outside. Therefore, it is used to filter water, or when reversed- for diving suits, water containers, etc. When picked, If exposed to high temperature, the material loses his other abilities, crystalizes and becomes very breakable. If exposed to low temperature, afterwards his abilities return.

1.4c Lucky Seed: Every time a different plant emerges out of it. The seed is cubical, with side 6 cm long. Overall, in the world there are 4 of them, but more than 3 plants cannot exist in the same time. When a new one starts growing, the oldest one dies, giving away one seed. For every new plant's growth, certain conditions are needed, and they're very hard to find. Due to that fact, only few tests were made, but no pattern in the variety of the plants emerged.
The importance of the current live plants, makes the acess to the single seed strongly prohibited. Also, which plant is the oldest counts as classified information.

Size: Varies

Usage: Currently the three plants are kept in the University's garden. The last seed's location is a secret.

a.Food transformer
Most of the plants that live in the caves of the planet are not edible. It takes the plant the same time to be duplicated, as it takes for it to grow. If put into this enormous plant, they're duplicated and ready to eat.

b.Metal extractor
The plant extracts different metals out of the soil. Its roots grow with 12,5cm every hour, or 3 meters per day. The plant itself is made from a complicated alloy. Every extracted metal is sorted out to different areas of the plant, from where it can be collected.

c.Know
Somehow telepatically connected with the Cityzens' minds, it reads the information, and creates "books" out of it. When a book is read, the created impressions are absorbed back into the plant's mind. The books represent the collective contiousness of the whole population. If a book is not returned back to the plant in two weeks, it turns into dust. The person has to give a fee, equal to the importance of the book.


Under the surface, in the caves:
1.4d Mushrooms
There are alot of different spieces of mushrooms, that can affect a person in different ways. New ones are discovered every day, and after some tests it was noticed that the number of spieces is growing up in geometric progression. Most of them are not directly consumable, and have to go through the food transformer first.

Main spieces:
a.Yellow mushroom
Used only for feed, is one of the basic food for the Cityzens.
Size: Round, 1m in diameter

b.Blue mushroom - poisonous if used directly, but mixed with the normal ones, becomes edible.
Size - 30cm height
usage: Feed, because it contains alot of vitamins. Can be used for taking down governments.

c.Black mushroom - when passed through the Food transformer, turns into chocolate.

1.4e Dark Root
It feeds not on sunlight, but on darkness. Its leafs are in the soil, and the root is sticking out. The fruits are round and completely black, their juice does not reflect the sunlight.
Usage: Does not reflecting the sunlight results in keeping all the energy. When mixed with water, can be used for heating purposes at night.
Size: 60 cm over, and 60 underground


1.5: Animal spieces
Animal spieces on top:

1.5a: Bacteria
The harmless bacteria that creates oxygen from the sunlight, and absorbs the water in the air.

1.5b: Sand Caterpillar
Collects heat and light through the day, at night starts glowing and attracts bacteria. When in a mood for coupling, gets very aggresive. The blinking tail is used to warn enemies, and attract the other gender. Poisonous bite - the strength of the poison depends on the size of the creature.

When reaching a certain age, it burries itself in the sand, and turns ito a coccoon. Depending on the heat, it can take up to 3 days until its transformed. Than, up to 5 hornet-like creatures come out of the coccoon. They're dangerous, but migrate fast out of the safe zone, because they cannot take the heat.

Usage:
Can be used for food, if the poisonous gland is removed before cooking. After transforming, the coccoon is used for making cloth, because it has a good isolating ability. The hornets are not edible.

Size:
Up to 2 meters long, and 30 cm high.

1.5c: Rock spider
It is suggested, that the Rock Spider evolved from a scorpio-like creature, because of its poisonous tail, and long claws, but it still has the ability to make spider webs. The web itself is very strong, and can be used for multiple purposes.
Too much heat can cause the poison in his body to explode, therefore killing the creature. So, the rock spider lives in deep holes, where it hides from the sun. At night it gathers the prey from its net, makes new nets, or searches for other prey if neccesary.
When pairing, the female leaves the eggs on the net, and pours poison all over them, to protect them from other spieces. If the male wants to insemenate the eggs, he takes the risk of being poisoned from the female (her posion strengthens over time). Up to 100 spiders come out from one net, but about 10% of them survive.

Size:
Round 20cm

Usage:
The net is used for knitting clothes, and other various purposes. The poison of the gland can be used for explosives when heated.


1.5d: Quartzalcoal
A snake capable of growing up to 6 legs. The front pair is used mainly for choking the victim, and the rest - for moving.
The name comes from its affection to black and shining minerals, (quartz and coal) from which it builds its den.
Active during the day, likes the heat. In a fight it can lose up to 3 legs, if more - dies from blood loss. It takes up to 2 days for the wounds to heal, and up to 3 months for the new pair of legs to grow. If all the legs are misplaced, the creature prefers to avoid hunting animals, and eats plants.

Size:
Length up to 1 meter

Usage:
Cannot be used for anything - the meat is not edible, due to the regenerative enzyme in it. Some tests are running for the ability of the enzyme to heal the human body, but still without any result.

1.5e: Ghost runner
Likes jumping from one ghost to another for safe transportation. Immune to poison. Can feed on the ghost's collected bacteria juice, but prefers small rock spiders. At night, when the mother spider is out, it goes in her lair and feeds on the eggs.


Animal spieces under the surface:
1.5f: Rootworm Allergic to the bacteria, doesn't go on the top. Feeds on rats, roots, etc.

1.5g: Rats: They live in the tunnels under the city. Came to the planet with the humans.

1.5h: Spiders: Normal ones.

1.5i: Kahtu
The Kahtus are partially intelligent creatures, which are working together with the humans in the caves. Digging with their jaws, they are a great help to the humans, who are making the plans for the tunnels, and the galleries in which the mushrooms are grown. They live on small groups (3 to 4 Kahtu) per cave. Not intelligent enough to develop culture or technology, and not aggressive in general. Only when really hungry, they attack everything that moves. Allergic to sunlight - they die if exposed for more than 2 hours. Their history remains unknown. They evolve very fast, and it’s a matter of a few decades until their intelligence equals the human one.

Storyline:
Aaron is a child living near the suburbs of the "City" - a Megapolis, and the one and only inhabited place on the planet Mirabilia. 10 years of his life passed on the fenced Junkyard next to "City". Since he could remember, he was living alone in his small LIVE! box. It provided him with almost everything he needed to survive. The only thing lacking was knowledge. He wanted to know so much! Often by the Fence, watching the big lights over the city he was dreaming, that soon it would be possible to walk its streets. And one evening, he saw the gap. It was a great chance to walk those streets tommorow! Immediately on the other side, he started running...

Professor Magnum's old LIVE! box was the only place, where he was feeling at home. With the help of all the junk around, he turned it into a personal lab. And now was the time when everything would come into place.
Professor Magnum was almost done with his project. He wanted to go back to where the University came from. While working in the Uni, he found a map of the route, but kept it for himself. All this time he worked to be able to travel this route. For travelling through space, a greater technology was needed - he calculated that he wouldn't have enough time to develop it and reach the destination on the map.
The first finished project that he already was using, was a terminal with a helmet. When equipped with it, the operator was able to perform operations directly with commands from his mind. Professor Magnum was using it already for 30-40 years, and was very used to it.
So, the decision was to build a machine that can develop the technology for him. A machine that can distinct the whole logical potential of the mind from the body.But the new machine required a different technology - for the extraction of the mind completely another set of devices was built. It costed him not only time - he got kicked out of the University, he had no friends, and because of City regulations for unemplyed people, was out of its boundaries. The only connection to the civilization - a tunnel that he discovered, remained unnoticed all this years.
Professor Magnum stil doesnt knows what it was used for, but it saved him alot of trouble. He was stealing energy for his experiments through it - from the university generator, and sometimes went for mushrooms. Scavanging plants and meat from the desert was a hard task, and he didnt always had the time, or the strenght for it.
With the help of the tunnel, the professor managed to assure he is having enough steam and electricity for his experiments. The LIVE! box didnt had enough recources for that.
He also managed to connect to the University's core engine. Late at night, when he was sure noone would notice, he was using the connection to spy on the City's business connecting with the core through his terminal.
And the moment came - one night he spotted a mindless beggar wandering in teh desert, and implemented the logical part of his mind into the machine. The calculations showed, that with little help from the University's core engine, the project for the spaceship would be ready in 2 years.

Aaron already noticed the building, that looks like his own LIVE! box. But what were all this gadgets, antennas, cables and all this stuff? He approached cautiously, and sneaked a peek through the door. The professor stared at him.

(Dialogue, in which the child is pursuaded to take part in the experiment of the professor out of curiosity, while professor's idea is to take the logical part of 141's CHILD mind and use it for his purposes, because of the bigger receptivity of the children's mind. Take it as a new faster processor to his "computer".
Note to put inside a phrase meaning "Why should I wait for this poor beggar's mind to do the job, when i can have the blueprints for the ship TOMMOROW?"
)

Aaron is taking a seat at the machine used for mind distinction, and Magnum puts a helmet on his head. The child is watching all the tools and the machinery with great curiosity, but without saying a word.
The distinction starts with an "energy request", that moves through the cable to the reactor in the center of the City.
In the meantime - Freshman - the new reactor operator, just found out that something is not correct with the cable connections, and he tries to figure out which cable is for what. So he takes the cables one by one, trying them out on one single contact.
The reactor's main machine is attached to the University's surveillance machinery, proected in the past by Professor Magnum, and through there with the core reactor.
Freshman moves the cables in an order that the energy request is sent to the University's Lab, near the reactor.
During this time, members of the Steam Syndicate discovered a malfunctioned LIVE! box in one of the University's shafts. It is of a great importance to open it, because the person inside, named Ion may know something about the past of their civilization.
The energy request arrives at the malfunctioned LIVE! box, and the result is that the answer spreads to the main core of the University, responsible for producing the electricity. Back the track, an energy wave is released, that breaks the devices in Professor Magnum's lab. The incident transfers the irrational part of Aaron's contiousness to Professor Magnum's terminal. Not knowing that, and to save at least some part of his life, the professor attaches himself to the machine for extraction. The University's laboratory starts the process of healing Ion, while parts of the consciousness and knowledge of Magnum is transferred to him.

As a final result from the accident:
1. Using the Junkyard parts, Professor Magnum's laboratory becomes a unit with its own primitive mind, curious for creating everything from scrap metal and mechanical parts. It buries itself under the junkyard, and starts building hostile copies of the outer's world critters.

2. With the help of the University's lab computer, the body of Ion slowly starts healing. Parts of it are replaced by mechanical ones. Parts of Professor Magnum's mind are implemented in Ion's.

You wake up, from a red blinking light, laying on the floor. You stare down and see your body, your right hand is replaced by some type of mechanism. You hear punches on the nearby door, and some strange mechanical noises, your hand rises up by itself. The door gets bumped out of the wall, and the first creature attacks you.

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