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Below is a part of a series of texts that make up a large portion of the canon in my world.  The text I've provided is to be used as more of a historical depiction, and less of that of a tome that you may find while traveling the world.  Strictly speaking, this would be defined as a history book of sorts for the entire universe(or rather segregated multi-verse as Tyne is).

 

Below are some definitions and key terms to help reading the text more understandable, these definitions are, however, not part of the actual text:

 

Tyne - The world in which my story is based.  Tyne is a segregated multi-verse that consists of multiple, linear strands of time.

 

Elmari - A god-like race of biped humanoids that lives within the Genesis Strand [of time].  The Elmari are not immortal, but play major parts in the shaping of Tyne as a whole.

 

Emon - The Elmari of Time, Judge of the Elmari Estate, and Creator of Mathematics.

 

Marius Glek - The Elmari of Epochs and Record Keeping, Master of Tomes. Founder of the philosophical research haven known as House Glek.

 

Teagus Aton - A famous writer, historian, and master of linguistics.

 

Now onto the actual text:

_____________________________

 

 

Transliteration - Insert by Teagus Aton

 

This text has been transliterated by myself, Teagus Aton, from the original works and descriptions recorded by Marius Glek and the scribes and scholars of House Glek.  Firstly written in Mari cuneiform as a direct account of Emon's views of the events transpiring prior to recorded Time.

 

Preface

 

As being imparted with the task of absolute record-keeping by Vita, it has been House Glek's due diligence to provide an accurate as possible time-lapse of the events that transpired prior to Time, as accounted by Emon himself.  This series of texts directly accomplishes this goal by piecing together interviews that House Glek has conducted with Emon over the past forty-three millennia.

 

Quoted text from these interviews as stated by Emon have been penned in highlighted red, while conjectures and theories scribed by House Glek have been penned in highlighted blue.  All other text, as denoted by highlighted white, should be found as items native to the series of text itself.

 

While House Glek has worked tirelessly to provide evidence supported by fact in this account of Tyne, please be advised that without assumption too many missing pieces of explanation would be laid aside in a fashion in which this text would not make relative sense.  In knowing this, House Glek has taken the advantage of making assumption of events when necessary to piece together major happenings in Tyne before Time.  These assumptions have been outlined as Elmari theory, and have been sent for draft by Marius Glek himself to receive approval by all Elmari prior to the finished work of this draft being published.

 

It is with great honour that House Glek presents the first draft of these findings outlined in Tyne Before Time to the Elmari state.  Further revisions to this text may appear in the future.  However, the scribes and scholars of House Glek are certain that this detailed account be true based on the knowledge that has been provided at the time and date of this writing.

 

-Principle High Scholar Anu, House Glek, 1E44M

 

Emon & Vita

 

Prior to the thought of the Elmari, and establishment of House Glek - Before formation of the first celestial body or strand of Time - there existed only two entities, that of Emon and Vita. 

 

While an exhausting amount of research, by House Glek, has been poured into the discovery of those precious, beginning moments of Tyne - it is with great regret that no supporting evidence has been found to make concrete the generally-accepted theory that Vita predates all.  Based around the nature of evidence that has been collected by House Glek over the past forty-three millennia, it's quite possible that this theory may never be proven. 

 

In the words of Emon himself:

 

"While my remembrance of early pre-time is opaque, it is with certain memory that Vita had made an appearance as early as I can recall.  As I sat in darkness, with only the vast nothingness surrounding me, I performed the task that was given unto me with perfect obedience - never swaying in either thought or errand - always counting…always counting.

 

It had never occurred to me as to why I was counting, something inside me tore at my inner conscious, though, reminding me that it was of utmost importance that I never halted this elementary form of arithmetic. I now understand that this was Vita guiding me, thankfully, as little did I suspect of what the consequences would be if I ever were to stop counting.

 

Based on these events, it is of my opinion that Vita has always been.  Sleepless nights have vested with the thoughts of how Vita and myself came to be, though it is of my best opinion that Vita begat myself, and that being of a particular reason.  While I had not known of it at the time, that reason would lead to the transcendent performance of beginning Time within Tyne."

 

Vita

 

To understand Vita, we must correctly define who or what Vita actually is.  Many nights have been toiled away with how exactly to describe Vita, however the general consensus, after speaks with Emon and the whole of Elmari, rests with this definition:

 

"Vita is the disconnected embodiment and personification of all dark matter, and it's expended counterpart - dark energy - acting as the mortar, clay, and cornerstone of Tyne."

 

It Is with great importance that distinction is made when understanding that dark matter is not Vita, but Vita is dark matter.  When flora sprouts from the forest floor with the beginnings of only a small seed - this is Vita.  When fauna cohabitate in what was once lifeless seas, this is Vita.  When chaos comes to control, or control disevolves to chaos - this is Vita.  The flora and fauna, chaos and control, and anything above or below, in-between or to the side - all starts with the building materials of our world.  The Elmari State's own sigil may hold words that best describe this explanation:

 

 "May dark matter be the stone, and Vita our stonemason."

- Elmari State Official Seal, Motto

 

Vita speaks to us all, both through small actions in the world around us - to the largest events that we've known to-date.  However, we cannot share this same extraordinary conversation.  Our own experiments to communicate with Vita have fallen on deaf ears, and so it is to be known that Vita's presence remains at the forefront of Tyne, and that presently, only our actions may sway her merciful judgment on us all.

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I'll just point out anything that sticks out to me, aside from grammar (except where the grammar means the sentence was too ambiguous for me to understand), since this probably isn't your final draft of the written text anyway, and (I'm assuming) is more to convey the plot rather than the final cut of the script.

My notes are in red.
 

Tyne - The world in which my story is based.  Tyne is a segregated multi-verse that consists of multiple, linear strands of time.
 
Tyne sounds and visually looks similar to 'time'. Not necessarily bad thing, just something to make note of.

Elmari - A god-like race of biped humanoids that lives within the Genesis Strand [of time].  The Elmari are not immortal, but play major parts in the shaping of Tyne as a whole.
 
The important question coming to my mind is, if they are 'god-like' but 'not immortal', what makes them god-like? What is their average lifespan (when dying from old age)? What powers, if any, do they have? Do they physically shape Tyne (i.e. like God shaped the earth in the Bible), or just shape it like man shapes their environment around them? Or do you mean shape the flow of history behind the scenes?

Emon - The Elmari of Time, Judge of the Elmari Estate, and Creator of Mathematics.
 
Why does Emon have a single name, but both Marius Glek and Teagus Aton have double names? Just something to note; it's not necessarily a bad thing.
I thought 'Elmari' was their race? Why is he called 'The Elmari of Time'? Here, Elmari is being used as a title or rank rather than a race. That's like saying, Professor Bob is a "Human of Physics" ( Race of Study ) instead of a "Professor of Physics" ( RANK of Study ). For example, these titles: Lord of Wisdom, Bishop of England, Soldier of Fortune, etc... all use occupations, ranks, or titles as the first element of their structure. Same with "Science Teacher". Subject + Occupation, or Highschool Principle = Domain + Rank


Marius Glek - The Elmari of Epochs and Record Keeping, Master of Tomes. Founder of the philosophical research haven known as House Glek.
 
How is Marius Glek the Elmari of 'Epochs' (Epoch meaning 'Time') if Emon the Elmari is already the 'Elmari of Time'. Are you saying Glek is an Elmari of historical events?
Also, 'House Glek' sounds kinda bland. Not a clan/family I'd want to be a part of, just based on the name alone.


Teagus Aton - A famous writer, historian, and master of linguistics.
 By 'master' do you mean 'expert' at linguistics? If not, how does 'master of linguistics' differ from an 'Elmari' of linguistics? By 'linguistics' do you mean he speaks or writes in multiple languages, or do you mean he's a master of grammar in a specific language?


Transliteration - Insert by Teagus Aton
 
This text has been transliterated by myself, Teagus Aton, from the original works and descriptions recorded by Marius Glek and the scribes and scholars of House Glek.  Firstly written in Mari cuneiform as a direct account of Emon's views of the events transpiring prior to recorded Time.
 
How can it be a direct written account of events taking place recorded time? If it's a written account, wouldn't that make the time a recorded time?
 
Preface
 
As being imparted with the task of absolute (what do you mean by 'absolute' record keeping? That implies record keeping of every last detail. Something that is an impossible task: A bird flew by the window again, with 3 red feathers and seven gold feathers, and landed on branch #345 of tree #57b) record-keeping by Vita (Who's Vita?), it has been House Glek's due diligence to provide an accurate as possible time-lapse of the events that transpired prior to Time (Before recorded time?, as accounted by Emon himself.  This series of texts directly accomplishes this goal by piecing together interviews that House Glek has conducted with Emon over the past forty-three millennia.
 
Quoted text from these interviews as stated by Emon have been penned in highlighted red, while conjectures and theories scribed by House Glek have been penned in highlighted blue.  All other text, as denoted by highlighted white, should be found as items native to the series of text itself. (I don't see any text highlighted, except my own notes - did you forget to add the highlighting?)
 
While House Glek has worked tirelessly to provide evidence supported by fact in this account of Tyne, please be advised that without assumption too many missing pieces of explanation would be laid aside in a fashion in which this text would not make relative sense (To me, this sentence itself doesn't make much sense =P , many of these sentences aren't proper english, but are... written in a semi-scientific sounding way, but are actually hard to read/understand/follow and are grammatically incorrect).  In knowing this, House Glek has taken the advantage of making assumption of events when necessary to piece together major happenings in Tyne before Time.  These assumptions have been outlined as Elmari theory, and have been sent for draft by Marius Glek (was sent, AS a draft, TO Marius Glek, or Marius Glek requested a draft, or Marius Glek wrote the draft?) himself to receive approval by all Elmari (every single member of the Elmari race, or every single person of Elmari rank? How many people are from that race? Thousands? Millions?) prior to the finished work of this draft being published.
 
It is with great honour that House Glek presents the first draft of these findings outlined in Tyne Before Time (As an american, 'Tyne Before Time' A) almost sounds like a pun, and B) reminds me of the Land Before Time movies) to the Elmari state.  Further revisions to this text may appear in the future.  However, the scribes and scholars of House Glek are certain that this detailed account be true based on the knowledge that has been provided at the time and date of this writing.
 

-Principle High Scholar Anu (Is 'High Scholar Anu' his title, and 'Principle' his rank, or is Principle High Scholar his occupation? A single-word before 'scholar' flows better for me personally. Like Master Scholar Anu, or Arch-scholar Anu, or High Scholar Anu, but 'Principle High'  sounds weird), House Glek, 1E44M

 
Emon & Vita
 
Prior to the thought of the Elmari, and establishment of House Glek (So House Glek has survived, unshattered by civil war, revolution, competing houses, and backstabbing schisms, since the beginning of your world's time until the present time? No organization or empire lasts forever, and certainly not the first of its kind) - Before formation of the first celestial body or strand of Time (Why does Time keep getting capitalized? Is your time named 'Time' or is there a reason before it?) - there existed only two entities, that of Emon and Vita. 
 
While an exhausting amount of research, by House Glek, has been poured into the discovery of those precious, beginning moments of Tyne (Isn't Tyne the physical celestial body? Surely 'Time' must be created before 'Tyne' can be created?) - it is with great regret that no supporting evidence has been found to make concrete the generally-accepted theory that Vita predates all (except Emon, since he co-existed with Vita, according to the previous sentence).  Based around the nature of evidence that has been collected by House Glek over the past forty-three millennia, it's quite possible that this theory may never be proven. 
 
In the words of Emon himself:
 

"While my remembrance of early pre-time is opaque (opaque = absolutely not clear. That is, he might as well say, "I have zero memory of events pre-time"), it is with certain memory that Vita had made an appearance (So he actually say or heard Vita?) as early as I can recall.  As I sat in darkness, with only the vast nothingness surrounding me, I performed the task that was given unto me with perfect obedience - never swaying in either thought or errand - always counting…always counting.

 

It had never occurred to me as to why I was counting, something inside me tore at my inner conscious, though, reminding me that it was of utmost importance that I never halted this elementary form of arithmetic. I now understand that this was Vita guiding me, thankfully, as little did I suspect of what the consequences would be if I ever were to stop counting.

 

Based on these events, it is of my opinion that Vita has always been.  Sleepless nights have vested with the thoughts of how Vita and myself came to be, though it is of my best opinion that Vita begat myself, and that being of a particular reason.  While I had not known of it at the time, that reason would lead to the transcendent performance of beginning Time within Tyne." (so is Tyne the universe or a physical world?)

 
Vita
 
To understand Vita, we must correctly define who or what Vita actually is.  Many nights have been toiled away with how exactly to describe Vita, however the general consensus, after speaks with Emon and the whole of Elmari, rests with this definition:
 
"Vita is the disconnected embodiment and personification of all dark matter, and it's expended counterpart - dark energy - acting as the mortar, clay, and cornerstone of Tyne." (So unlike our real-world universe, where the physical worlds that we've encountered so far are mostly made of matter, and dark-matter is virtually no-where that we can see, in Tyne, everything is made of dark-matter and normal matter is barely anywhere to be found? If 'dark matter' is the normal matter of that universe, why don't they just call it 'matter'? Wouldn't regular matter than become the "dark matter" in their universe? It's called "dark matter" not because of its color, but because we couldn't find any and it was mostly hypothetical. So why would the Elmari call the matter all around them, 'mostly hypothetical'?)
 
It Is with great importance that distinction is made when understanding that dark matter is not Vita, but Vita is dark matter.  When flora sprouts from the forest floor with the beginnings of only a small seed - this is Vita.  When fauna cohabitate in what was once lifeless seas, this is Vita.  When chaos comes to control, or control disevolves to chaos (So, death is Vita? Isn't that a contradiction?) - this is Vita.  The flora and fauna, chaos and control, and anything above or below, in-between or to the side - all starts with the building materials of our world.  The Elmari State's (Elmari is a race, isn't it? So to have a government called the Elmari State would be like me making a nation called 'Human Nation'. Was there never any wars, never any other government, never any other state than just this one? If so, wouldn't they just call it "THE Government", or "The State", since there is only one? When there is only one of something, they rarely give them names) own sigil may hold words that best describe this explanation:
 

 "May dark matter be the stone, and Vita our stonemason."

- Elmari State Official Seal, Motto

 
Vita speaks to us all, both through small actions in the world around us - to the largest events that we've known to-date.  However, we cannot share this same extraordinary conversation.  Our own experiments to communicate with Vita have fallen on deaf ears (Hardly a conversation if it's one-way. Conversation is two-way. I can talk at you, or to you, but unless you respond, it's not a conversation, but a monologue of some kind), and so it is to be known (How is it known?) that Vita's presence remains at the forefront of Tyne, and that presently, only our actions may sway her merciful judgment on us all (Why would you believe that your actions could sway her, if you just admitted a sentence before that your actions never have previously ever had a response? And hence, there is the dividing argument that the the schism that tears apart your government and House Glek would come from, in my mind. There would form several (not just two) bodies of thoughts adamantly opposed to each other. If I lived in your world, I'd personally join the group that believes Vita might've been there at creation, but, like any Elmari, eventually died and the Elmari are the "flowers sprouting from the decaying body". That same group would probably then advocate that the current government "must die, that new life and new government can grow from the decay of the old, cycling life into a greater and more glorious form.").

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Thank you SotL for the great write-up and critique of my work! Most of these questions I can answer with the notes about my world that I haven't fully fleshed out, some though stand to reason to be thought upon, and definitely help in further resolving any holes in my lore.  Below is a quick, brief, to-the-point explanation of how Tyne was and how time started.  Along with a bit more on Emon and Vita.  Then, I'll answer your questions directly.

 

Dark Matter, or what we know of it as humans currently, is that it is theorized matter that makes up a vast portion of our universe - that matter which is unaccounted for.  In truth, based on the lore of my world, dark matter is the single smallest unit of matter.  The building block of all matter, a blank slate if you will - a clean canvas for which other matter can be written and created from.  It's smaller than an atom, smaller still than a proton, neutron, or electron - and is the reason why we cannot see it. 

 

I've modelled Dark Matter this way in my world to act as a single point of energy, but yet that can be explained by science.  It could be described as The Force (Star Wars), Chakra, manna, or any other form of extraordinary power that often weaves it's way into our fictional tales. For my world, Dark Matter is that key.  An explainable power, that can be harnessed possibly by those willing to understand or know of it's existence.  Theoretically, then, if dark matter is the building blocks for all other matter - it could be molded into anything that you wanted it to be.  A person, a fireball, a sword - what have you.  Not to throw high-fantasy in the mix, as most in my world do not even know of it's existence, let alone understand how to harness it. Know though, that it is the basis for everything.

 

Vita then, can be thought of as more of a religious or faith based form - when speaking about dark matter as a whole, or the personified form of dark matter you would think of Vita.  This is who the Elmari find their guidance in.  Is Vita a person?  Who knows.  The text written above is written from the beliefs and research of the Elmari, though it is to note that the Elmari probably understand dark matter better than anyone.  

 

So how did the Elmari come to the conclusion that there is supernatural power playing a bigger role in Tyne?  Well, this would be based on the origin of the Elmari themselves.  Elmari are beings that possess some super-natural ability.  Such as Emon, who is the Elmari of Time - he controls the flow of time.  Or Baal, the world-eater.  Or The Weaver, the Elmari that weaves and bends the strands of time, giving everyone and everything more than one decision.  Elmari are born when they are needed in Tyne.  Emon was born when Tyne, or most notably believed, when Vita felt a need for Time to exist.  Marius Glek was born when the need arose to record the happenings in Tyne.  And so on, and so forth.  How the Elmari are born, and when they're born isn't really known.  Emon does not recollect how long he had been counting time before he asked himself such a question.  Just like all Elmari, they tend to just show up - or so it would appear to the rest of the Elmari.

 

So beings with a specific, needed, super-natural power just show up?  How?  Why?  The Elmari believe that this symbol of theirs, this Vita is the reason.  The master of puppets if you will.  Is this truth, as what the writings say, we may never know.   Simply put, Vita is a belief of the Elmari, as they understand something more is at play.

 

As denoted in my definitions list, Tyne is a segregated multi-verse.  When Emon counted time, time commenced.  Emon, however, stopped counting time at one point - further is explained on this. Emon, as stated multiple times, counted time but did not know why - and he never questioned such.  He did his task diligently.  At one point, however, he seen something or envisioned it (as the writer I have no idea which to be true).  He would later find out that what he seen or envisioned was color.  The world was dark prior to this, and he saw a light, a color, a sharp, crisp glint of something.  It was so deliberate that it startled him and he actually stopped counting.  My own beliefs for what this was, with me as the writer knowing more about the world than anyone, would state that this was the first dark matter dissipating into dark energy, or possibly the first dark matter forming into some other type of matter - releasing some form of energy (I like to leave a bit of ambiguity, can you tell?).  When Emon stopped counting time, time stopped.  Emon has no idea how long he stopped counting - it could of been a second, a minute, a million years - time wasn't running so he has no idea how long it was - more importantly, time wasn't recorded so he had no idea where he had left off counting. Emon decided to not continue counting until he had investigated the matter in which he had seen.  He wandered on this for what seemed like eternity, failing to recreate the event in which he saw.  Little did he know of what was to come next.

 

He began counting again, and something happened.  When he started count again, it threw everything off-kilter.  It was as if the darkness around him didn't know how to start over.  In that instant, though he would not know it until much later, Tyne began to form.  Light and colors began to dance across the pitch black, and the world came into view.  This wouldn't of been a spectacular view for you or me, and would probably resemble that of a clear evening sky with flashes of light and color in the night sky naming the stars in the heavens.  But it was that glint that he had worked to recreate, a million times over.  Was this formation of Tyne in progress the first time Emon stopped counting and he just halted it's progress until he began again, or did his halt of time create such discord that it reenacted the event?  Either way, Tyne was born. 

 

With this birth of Tyne, many say, came the birth of Marius Glek.  For with this movement of evolution to create Tyne, came the importance that Emon never lose his count again - and so, by the will of Tyne (or perhaps Vita), Marius Glek came to be.  To record historical events, or Epochs in Time, if you will - to record all.  Marius Glek's supernatural power is his ability to see all as it is happening, and remember all. 

 

The time in which Emon had originally counted, and that time in-between him stopping count is considered "pre-time", unrecorded by Marius Glek.  It was also at this point that the famous Elmari(or are all of them famous?) Relkin Kord came to be.  Well, actually, this is perceived - as Emon had his first inquiry regarding the existence of something (the vision he saw) - how it happened, why it happened, etc.  Relkin Kord is the Elmari of Inquiry, Explanation, and Invention.  More appropriately named scientist.  As far as my developer notes are concerned, I have Tom Bombadil written down for the type of personality Relkin Kord has.  He's quiet a queer fellow, often misunderstood and most definitely a social stigma. But he's an amazing scientist and engineer.  So amazing in fact, that he helped Emon create a device that would count for him automatically - called a counting lock, or clock for short :D.

 

Then there's the topic of strands of time.  As mentioned before - Tyne is a multi-verse, this is derived from separate strands of time splitting off from one another.  The strand of time in which the Elmari reside is called the Genesis Strand.  The alpha strand, if you were.  When Emon started counting time again, or somewhere around this timeframe, the Genesis Strand split - into what we now know as the Relkin Strand - as discovered by Relkin Kord himself.  Throughout history, there are certain epochs that occur that may split a strand of time into another strand, cause one strand to weave or bend into one or more multiple strands, etc.  Earth resides in one of these strands!  Which gives a lot of versatility in what one may find throughout all of these strands. 

 

My fingers feel like they're about to fall off now, so I'll stop typing and just leave it at that.  Hope this answered, most, or at least some of these questions.

 

 

 

 

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