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Shane C

Story attempt for game

5 posts in this topic

UFOs are abducting cows on a farm. For some reason, a cow much stronger, taller and more intelligent than the other cows, who can stand on two feet, rises up as a hero. A UFO tries to abduct him but he is a bit too heavy for the beam to carry him up, and he runs and crashes the UFO, because he is pulling the light beam of the UFO meant to carry him up with him.

 

Amidst all this chaos, a mysterious light known as Emperor Light tells you that it will tell you of your origins if you do a task for it - help it destroy some Earth Federation ships.

 

After destroying the ships, the light reveals that the UFOs are using the cows to create genetically engineered super cows, and that you were the first of this. It reveals your memory was wiped of your origins so that you wouldn't tell the other cows to frighten them, and that you were once a normal cow and were brought into this state and returned to Earth as an experiment.

 

While thinking your life through, an agent of the Earth Federation tells you that the aliens are evil and out to destroy Earth using the other cows. You become an agent of the Earth Federation to stop Emporer Light under the promise that your agent will turn you back into a normal cow once the mission is finished.

 

After destroying Emporer Light, the agent of the Earth Federation you had talked to reveals that she is actually of the Netherworld, and says that you destroying Emporer Light will bring a stop to all aliens, which will allow population control so that her Netherworld friends can invade their planets and inhabit them.

 

Your character says, "I know what I must do." He becomes the new leader of the aliens and together, along with the other genetically engineered cows, they wipe out the Netherworld creatures.

 

As aliens and genetically engineered cows shake each other's hands, your character says, "Life will never be the same. And that is okay. But there is still more I want to know. Where did those Netherworld creatures come from? How did they get here? At least I know now that aliens are my friends - they needed an army to stop the Netherworld creatures, of cows like me. They were trying to save Earth, not destroy it."

 

The end.

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I think it all depends upon tone and execution. I wouldn't necessarily say it's a masterpiece, but it might work with the right angle, e.g. maybe a bit zany or played relatively straight but occasionally breaking the 4th wall, etc.

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1) Define what the "Netherworld" is, because judging from the description, I have no idea what that is prior to its reveal as the Emperor's origins. This concept seems to come completely out of left-field, so you should introduce the concept early on, even if it is only a small reference. Is it like the Underworld? Is it another planet? What relation does that place have to the aliens as different from the Earth people? Why do they want to invade the other planets, the underlying motivations?
2) I agree with Jeffery that this seems to be a very zany story that would do well by not taking itself too seriously. An art style & animations that over-emphasize the cows' characteristics would probably make it more silly and make the gameplay more enjoyable to the player.

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Hmm, donno what to say... I think You are combining ridiculous and serious story elements kinda unsuccesfuly. What I would do is make the story either overall ridiculous for a gag-story/game, or make the story overall serious(although that's hard to do with your setting). I'm not saying I wouldn't combine some serious elements too, but I'd exagerate them a little, or caricaturize them. The seriousness-ridiculous ratio has to tip quite heftly towards one side, and I don't think you have the right ratio yet.

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