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My First Game Concept

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I have just started to come up with my idea for my first game. And i would like people to give feedback to my idea. I would prefer brutal honesty, as it would let me know better what is wrong.

 

I have finished coming up with two characters: The protagonist and the antagonist, though at this point i lack a name, sorry.

 

-Protagonist
 -Personality
He is introverted, so he focuses on ideas and impressions
He is Sensing, so he focuses on concrete information gained from senses
He is Thinking, so he tends to base decisions on logic and objective analysis of cause and effect.
He is Perceptive, so he is more flexible and spontaneous. He is more probing with his activities.
This means he has ISTP personality
 -Motivations
Avenging deaths of his family
 -Fears
Having his life stuck
 -Internal Conflict
Should i tell my friends the truth?
 -External conflict
Fighting the goons of the antagonist.
 -Strengths
Sneaking, manipulating others, 
 -Weaknesses
Not strong in combat, can get discouraged and become incapable of doing anything.
 -How he/she speaks
In a sly manipulative manner, while witty and sarcastic.
 -Mysteries
Who killed his parents?
 -Secrets
He actually killed his parents
 -History
Vigilante who originally was bullied ruthlessly in school, he came home for even worse abuse by his father and mother. This caused him to become sneaky and manipulative. At the age of 17 he came across the antagonist who offered the protagonist money if he could slay the parents and then get to him through all his bodyguards. (The player doesn't know this, they will think that the antagonist killed his parents, and hes coming to kill the antagonist)
 
 
-Antagonist
 -Personality
He is introverted, so he focuses on ideas and impressions
He is Intuitive, so he focuses more on the future, and looks for patterns and possibilities.
He is Thinking, so he tends to base decisions on logic and objective analysis of cause and effect.
He is Perceptive, so he is more flexible and spontaneous. He is more probing with his activities.
This means he has INTP personality type
 -Motivations
Saving himself
 -Fears
dying
 -Internal Conflict
Do i end it all or do i fight on?
 -External conflict
Working to fight a disease
 -Strengths
Good Leader, Funny, and strong in battle, smart.
 -Weaknesses
He is socially inexperienced and cannot lead any personal relations without chaos
 -How he/she speaks
Proudly, happily, and seriously.
 -Mysteries
What caused him to do this?
 -Secrets
He actually isn't near dead
 -History
He had become infected with a disease and needs to fight to stay alive, there exists medication to delay the effect, but he researches how to completely eliminate the disease by kidnapping people and testing on them.
Edited by Kawaii Douchebag

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What sort of game is this? An adventure game? An action-RPG? A shooter? A roguelike? How important will the narrative and characters be? How will the game play?

 

You've given us information on two important characters, but that doesn't really tell us much about the game, and thus it's a little hard to give much feedback.

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This feels like an extremely early concept for a story within a game. You've got some basics going for ya, protagonist and antagonist are essential to a lot of stories, but now you have to decide the kind of game you're making, and how you'll incorporate the story.

 

All the advice I have to give is to make your game the story, not put a story in a game. Anyone can make or watch a movie, anyone can write or read a book, but it's very tricky to get a story into a game because the story has to be happening to the player. If you can do that, people will care about your story.

 

Good luck bro

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Both of your characters contradict them self.

 

Your protagonist, lets name him Mary Sue, is a manipulative, introvert who killed his own parents for cash. Mary doesn't sound like the kind of person who would even have real friends, he definitely wouldn't care about how others feel about his actions.

Introverts are not spontaneous, it's the reason thy have comfort zones as narrow as a single apartment. Ask a introvert to go out at short notice and thy would respond with a excuse thy had stored away for just such a event.

At least thy do tend to be manipulative and there lack of friendship does give them a less than normal level of empathy, so such a person could commit murder although it would be a extreme case.

 

Your motivation is a lie. So what is the real reason, Cash?

Wouldn't a intelligent person realise that there are easier whys of making money with less risk?

Introverts fear change not stagnation.

 

If Mary does need a companion it could be a nurse or caretaker who watches over them.

A person who's family was killed in front of them and investigators discover that person lived a life of abuse, it would make sense to get them some professional help.

 

 

Now the Antagonist, name: Gary Stu.

A logical person who pays some random person to kill there own family and then that person has to kill Gary, this isn't logical it's insane.

Why did he chose Mary, why kill the parents?

Gary sounds spontaneous, charismatic, rich, a bit insane and most importantly he sounds like a extrovert.

 

He is dying and fears death, he just paid some random person to kill him.

He pays a large amount of body guards to fight, yet has people kidnapped instead of payed for experiments.

He needs to fight to stay alive, instead of going on some kind of rampage or just attempting a near impossible task(like finding a cure for a disease) he pays a single person to attempt to kill him.

 

Why does he need to fight?

Does the adrenaline, blood or soul from his victims keep him alive?

Couldn't he use his huge amount of cash to get what he needs instead?

 

Edit: Spelling and such.

Edited by Scouting Ninja

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At least thy do tend to be manipulative and there lack of friendship does give them a less than normal level of empathy,

I'm no expert--and stand for correction--but I sincerely doubt this. Introverts can very much be empathetic, just as can extraverts, as far as I'm aware. (Additionally, introverts are more likely to have fewer friends than extraverts, but also tend to have a stronger bond with their friends than do extraverts, if I recall correctly.)

Edited by Thaumaturge

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I'm no expert--and stand for correction--but I sincerely doubt this. Introverts can very much be empathetic, just as can extraverts, as far as I'm aware. (Additionally, introverts are more likely to have fewer friends than extraverts, but also tend to have a stronger bond with their friends than do extraverts, if I recall correctly.)

You are correct. Normally being a introvert or extrovert would have little to do with how much empathy you show others, in fact study has shown that introverts dislike others embarrassing them self as much as thy dislike being embarrassed.

It's normal for a introvert to have one or two friends who are very close to them.

 

It's just hard to see the protagonist as a normal kind of introvert.

 

The key here is the level of abuse that the protagonist suffered, for the protagonist to murder his parents it has to be some kind of harsh abuse.

Even people who don't have a strong relationship with there parents wouldn't consider killing them for cash, most people wouldn't even kill a stranger for any sum of money.

 

For some reason the protagonist didn't run away, because he accepted the money from the antagonist it's safe to assume he couldn't survive on his own.

So it was a level of abuse that couldn't kill him, yet still so bad that at the moment he was offered a chance to live on his own that he killed for it. 

 

If the protagonist had close friends, wouldn't thy defend him?

I could see friends not helping if he was bullied at school from time to time, yet he was bullied ruthlessly. Would you be able to face a friend who you abandon each time thy get bullied on?

Would a close friend just look the other way when a friend is abused by there parents, and what if the friend didn't look away?

If you where the helpless friend who couldn't stop the bullies, who couldn't save your friend from his parents, would't you immediately know what happened when you see them after the murder?

This is the friend who stood side by side when some huge kid at school fought against protagonist, this is the friend who lied to the parents when thy asked where the protagonist was. At the moment the two meet after the murder the friend knows, and the protagonist knows he knows.

 

The only question left is does he abandon the protagonist or does he help him?

 

You will notes that the friend didn't even consider that there is cash involved, this is simply because when two opposing forces meet sooner or later one a side loses.

The protagonist might refuse the money, he doesn't need extra incentive the fight isn't his alone and accepting the money with out consulting his friend would be a insult to all that thy have been through.

 

 

The protagonist I see is the kind of introvert who gets home, immediately go's to there room and pretends to sleep so that hopefully thy would be spared.

This is the kind of person who isolates them self from others to avoid more danger, thy lose empathy with the world because thy feel that no one empathize with them.

 

The reason I believe this to be the protagonist is because the game starts after the murder, for the protagonist with a friend the antagonist is nothing special he has survived worse.

Edited by Scouting Ninja

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It's just hard to see the protagonist as a normal kind of introvert.

Ah, I see--I mis-read you, then. Fair enough!

 

(When you wrote that "they" tend to be manipulative, since you'd just finished talking about introverts I inferred that you were still doing so, rather than having--I gather now--switched back to referring to the character.)

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Moving this to Writing. kawaii douchebag, when you have questions about your game design, you can post those in Game Design.

Wow I thought you were being overly harsh on him until I saw his username is actually "Kawaii Douchebag" biggrin.png

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Wow I thought you were being overly harsh on him until I saw his username is actually "Kawaii Douchebag"


Yeah, I felt that I ought to soften it and address him as "cute douchebag"

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