What's up bros.
I need advice because I'm really stuck here, I can't decide what to do. I'm currently a second year student in university, and I'm paying 9000 pounds every year.
The problem is that I'm not learning anything at all at university. I don't say I'm smart and all-knowing, there is always someone smarter, but I can learn anything I want to, if I spend enough time on it.
Now, the first semester is almost over, and I missed like 80-85% of the lectures. I just can't make myself go to lectures, I always know most of the stuff, or know how and where to find it when I need it, and I recently stopped going to lectures at all. I calculated that I pay 24£ every hour, doesn't matter if it's a lecture or a practical, it's 24 pounds per hour.
And every time I miss a lecture I feel really bad, because I will actually have to pay for something that I don't use, I pay for lectures and I don't attend them. And even on the lab practicals where we write some code, the PhD students are weak, and most of the questions I ask them, they can't answer, "I don't know about that, you can ask dr./prof. whoever" and I need to wait 1 hour until I can get the lecturer to come to me, because we are like 100 people in a group and everyone wants to ask something.
And sometimes I really hate myself for missing lectures, because there are people that live a lot worse than me and work 8+ hours every day, and I'm too lazy too even go to lectures. But I just can't, it is so boring, I can't stand it, I prefer to wash dishes for 1 hour, at least I will get paid.
I'm really contemplating on whether I should drop out and just work something so I can pay my stuff, because my parents won't even talk to me.
I don't feel bad that I'm not learning anything there, I learn enough on my own, I feel bad that I'm paying to not learn anything. And most of the lecturers are so boring and unmotivated, and I'm not productive, because I do stuff I don't need. ( making need-finding studies, interviewing people, parsing linux ext2 filesystem to open one stupid file, etc ). And I'm kind of too perfectionistic when I do stuff I don't like. I don't know how's that called, but when I really hate to do something, I put more effort into it because I know it doesn't come naturally to me and I consciously prioritize it in order to get a good mark. And the result is that I spend more time doing that instead of the stuff I like.(wtf is that?)
I don't know how to tackle that problem. Seems like there is no problem, I know everything, I get the highest marks, everything is cool. But I still feel bad about it almost every day.
Is the problem in me, maybe I'm doing something wrong, or thinking in the wrong way? :huh:
Thanks a lot for reading this and sorry for wasting your time.