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Survival Game - back story.

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So I just wanted to get feedback on some of my writing. Going to post it here and just tell me what you think I, good or bad. I think of myself as randomly creative, but who knows.

This post is relating to a back story I made for a possible survival game.

*Update* Changed the flow and details of the story, I believe this is a much cleaner and polished draft but continue to work on it.

Story:
The world was in turmoil, and war seemed imminent. The nations of the world prepared for the destruction that war could bring, but they could not prepare for what would actually transpire. As the armies marched on the eve of battle, the world began to tremble; slightly at first until the very ground thrashed and fractured beneath their feet. Whole armies were consumed by the catastrophe as it unfolded. The Earth was dying. It's core had cracked, causing global destabilization. Molten lava burst from the ground, earthquakes transformed the landscape, and tsunamis consumed the coasts. Cities burned, civilizations were lost; mankind now faced extinction. War was no longer any concern, only survival.

The Earth had become a warped and twisted version of its former self. Parts of it fractured and broke into space, filling the skies above. Other parts collapsed inward, creating massive sinkholes that devoured entire countries. Magma now gushed from the earth, replacing the calm springs of water that once supported life. New energies erupted from the Earth's core; previously unknown to man. These volatile energies were new sources of radiation and toxic gases that not only transformed the landscape, but the animals that once inhabited it. The denizens of this broken planet were now faced with unfamiliar terrain. From volcanic plains to irradiated forests; no place was safe. A new world had emerged, and with it despair and uncertainty.

Many species were unable to adapt to the new toxic and radioactive landscapes, dying out in droves. But others were more resourceful, adapting and even mutating into something new, something dangerous. The dreaded HellHound is one such resident of this new world. Man’s best friend has undergone a new mutation, a result from eating the contaminated meat of their prey. They grew larger, meaner, and extra appendages. Most notably a second head; often used to maim and capture their victims. Another resident of this wasteland is the dreaded Night Terror. No one knows how this ungodly creature came to be, but most suspect it's an amalgamation of people who were huddle in fear on Day 0. (Day 0 is the day the Earth changed). Whatever it is, it now roams the night hunting for victims to absorb into its grotesque form. Few have seen it, but many have heard it's blood curdling screams that echo through the night.

As governments perished so did any laws or regulations that governed the survivors. Chaos broke out, populations began to implode, fighting over resources and territories. From the ashes of society Gangs emerged. These groups of lawless men and women now roam the land, guarding their respective territories and punishing those that defy their laws. Each one has different agendas and intentions. Some gangs are vigilantes fighting for justice; to protect the innocents in these arduous times. Others are groups of murderers and thieves, who only seek personal gain. These people are not afraid to spill blood, and they don't need a reason to either.

But fear not, for you are not alone. Many have banded together to create Safe Zones throughout the the world, areas designated to restore peace and stability. Trade prospers here and many have found a new home within them. These areas offer mankind a new hope; one that shows their resiliency and could secure them a new future. While these areas offer a haven for survivors, they are not without their faults. They need constant power and water to function, and must be defended from the hordes of enemies that seek to destroy what has been built.

The world has changed, but that doesn't mean you have to. From the ashes of the chaos an opportunity has arisen, a chance for a new life and a future of your own choosing. Can you master the terrain and the creatures that inhabit it, or will you fall? Will you help to protect and liberate the people, or to oppress and defile what they have built? How will you choose to survive?


I also kept the old story to see the changes I have made.



Old Story: The world was in turmoil, and war seemed imminent. In their foolish haste for superior weaponry, the former world powers began to create bigger and deadlier nuclear arms. They began to test them, pounding them against the earth until it could take no more. The test eventually irradiated the Earth so much it contaminated its core. It became unstable and irradiated, leading to global devastation. Massive earth quakes, tsunamis, and volcanic activity emerged as a result, devastating the lands and reshaping the earth itself.


Civilizations crumbled and governments perished; as well as any laws or regulations that governed the survivors. Chaos broke out, populations began to implode, fighting over resources and territories. From the ashes of society Gangs rose. These groups of lawless men and women now roam the land, guarding their respective territories and punishing those that defy their laws. But each one is different. Some gangs are vigilantes fighting for justice and to protect the innocent in these trying times. Others are groups of murderers and thieves, who only seek personal gain. These people are not afraid to spill blood, and they don't need a reason to either.


Gangs are not the only threat survivors will face in this new world. Many species were unable to adapt to the radiation and new landscapes, dying out in droves. But others were more resourceful, adapting and even mutating into something new, something dangerous. The dreaded HellHound is one such resident of this new world. Feral dogs and wolves have undergone a new mutation, a result from eating the contaminated meat of their prey. They grew larger, meaner, and sprouted extra appendages. Most notably a second head, often used to maim and capture their victims. Another resident of this wasteland is the dreaded Night Terror. No one knows how this ungodly creature came to be, but most suspect it's an amalgamation of people who were huddle in fear on Day 0. (Day 0 is the day the Earth changed). Whatever it is, it now roams the night hunting for victims to absorb into its grotesque form. Few have seen it, but many have heard it's blood curdling screams that echo through the night.


While arming yourself and preparing for battle may help to fend off the creatures and gangs, nothing can protect you from the earth itself. The land has twisted and changed, creating new hazards that have taken many lives. From cities sunken beneath the sea, irradiated forest, and even volcanic landscapes, no where is safe. But fear not, for you are not alone. Many have banded together to create Safe Zones throughout the the world, areas designated to restore peace and stability. Trade prospers here and many have found a new home within them. While these areas offer a haven for survivors, they are not without their faults. They need constant power and water to function, and must be defended from the hordes of enemies that seek to destroy what has been built.


The world has changed, but that doesn't mean you have to. From the ashes of the chaos an opportunity has arisen, a chance for a new life and a future of your own choosing. Can you master the terrain and the creatures that inhabit it, or will you fall? Will you help to protect and liberate the people, or to oppress and defile what they have built? How will you choose to survive? Edited by Duninn

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 The test eventually irradiated the Earth so much it contaminated its core. It became unstable and irradiated, leading to global devastation. Massive earth quakes, tsunamis, and volcanic activity emerged as a result, devastating the lands and reshaping the earth itself.
 

Err.  Irradiation would have pretty much no effect on the Earth's core.  If you want volcanic activity and tsunamis you need either a MASSIVE impact, like from the asteroid hitting Earth that created the Yucatan peninsula, or you need to have some terrorist deliberately put a bomb on top of the supervolcano in Yellowstone Park, or something like that.  Atomic bombs for the most part are bad because of radiation affecting animals and people, they are too small to bother a whole planet.

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The test eventually irradiated the Earth so much it contaminated its core. It became unstable and irradiated, leading to global devastation. Massive earth quakes, tsunamis, and volcanic activity emerged as a result, devastating the lands and reshaping the earth itself.

Err.  Irradiation would have pretty much no effect on the Earth's core.  If you want volcanic activity and tsunamis you need either a MASSIVE impact, like from the asteroid hitting Earth that created the Yucatan peninsula, or you need to have some terrorist deliberately put a bomb on top of the supervolcano in Yellowstone Park, or something like that.  Atomic bombs for the most part are bad because of radiation affecting animals and people, they are too small to bother a whole planet.

Well like I said this is in the future and on a scale much larger than weapons of current age can produce. But I can take an alternative route and have a super power create a weapon that harness energy from the Earth's core, but backfires and causes unstable conditions creating such hazards. It is all truly up for debate, but also curious on my creativity as a whole. Thanks this far

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I feel like it is suppose to be some sort of freak accident. The radiation moved down into the core of the earth and it exploded. It's like a drain of sorts. It drained into the earth and kept going down until the earth's core couldn't hold anymore and in a mix of natural compounds and radioactive chemicals as well as all the nuclear testing created this freak accident. And the earth just became weak.

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I feel like it is suppose to be some sort of freak accident. The radiation moved down into the core of the earth and it exploded. It's like a drain of sorts. It drained into the earth and kept going down until the earth's core couldn't hold anymore and in a mix of natural compounds and radioactive chemicals as well as all the nuclear testing created this freak accident. And the earth just became weak.

If it was a fantasy or science fantasy game, you could develop the story like that.  But science fiction is supposed to be consistent with real science when possible.  There's just not a good enough reason to say radiation would behave in this unrealistic way.  Instead you might invent a different kind of science fiction bomb which produces some different kind of toxin that isn't radiation.  Then, you could have it contaminating the Earth if you want.

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I feel like it is suppose to be some sort of freak accident. The radiation moved down into the core of the earth and it exploded. It's like a drain of sorts. It drained into the earth and kept going down until the earth's core couldn't hold anymore and in a mix of natural compounds and radioactive chemicals as well as all the nuclear testing created this freak accident. And the earth just became weak.

If it was a fantasy or science fantasy game, you could develop the story like that.  But science fiction is supposed to be consistent with real science when possible.  There's just not a good enough reason to say radiation would behave in this unrealistic way.  Instead you might invent a different kind of science fiction bomb which produces some different kind of toxin that isn't radiation.  Then, you could have it contaminating the Earth if you want.

Won't lie I like that idea. But besides the radiation part, what did you think of the rest?

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So it's a standard post-apocalyptic story, with the potential twist of having more chaotic scenery and level design (as a result of the devastation). It's alright, but you're going to have to flesh out how the world works AFTER the apocalypse a lot more since that's when the story actually takes place. In other words, focus a lot less on the 'How It Came To Be' and more on the 'How It Is Now'.

 

I.E., how certain Gangs interact with each other, how many of them might there be, do different Gangs (regardless of being vigilantes or criminals) have differing value systems that make it difficult for them to cooperate with other gangs (even if they are also vigilantes or also criminals). Also, do the peaceful settlements perhaps work with or rely on vigilante Gangs? Could that be a potential plot point or point of interest in your world? Hell, we can even throw in some classic government corruption and say that some of the Safe Zones are administrated by """""questionable"""""" individuals. 

 

Just some things to think about as continue to flesh things out.

Edited by ChriHK

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So it's a standard post-apocalyptic story, with the potential twist of having more chaotic scenery and level design (as a result of the devastation). It's alright, but you're going to have to flesh out how the world works AFTER the apocalypse a lot more since that's when the story actually takes place. In other words, focus a lot less on the 'How It Came To Be' and more on the 'How It Is Now'.
 
I.E., how certain Gangs interact with each other, how many of them might there be, do different Gangs (regardless of being vigilantes or criminals) have differing value systems that make it difficult for them to cooperate with other gangs (even if they are also vigilantes or also criminals). Also, do the peaceful settlements perhaps work with or rely on vigilante Gangs? Could that be a potential plot point or point of interest in your world? Hell, we can even throw in some classic government corruption and say that some of the Safe Zones are administrated by """""questionable"""""" individuals. 
 
Just some things to think about as continue to flesh things out.


I agree, this was honestly just my back story, first one I shared. I wanted to put a unique twist on back story that most game shell out for this type of game, but I planned to detailed lore and back story for each gang, creature, and zone. That is where the true story shines and the one the player experiences.

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I also thought it seemed pretty standard.  I'm not sure which part was supposed to be the unique twist. :blink:  I already complained about the science enough though, so I won't get into the details of why 2-headed mammal species or fused multiperson monsters are really unlikely.

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I also thought it seemed pretty standard. I'm not sure which part was supposed to be the unique twist. :blink: I already complained about the science enough though, so I won't get into the details of why 2-headed mammal species or fused multiperson monsters are really unlikely.

The twist is more that the fallout didn't come from man but from the earth, not war. Also I know the science isn't there, but a year has never been set. Nuclear bombs have advanced dramatically from city wiping capabities to country. It is entirely pheasable they could have such an impact in the future to create such a blast. But again, honestly not trying to be mean, but many games completely break what is possible for man and science. Again, I can just make a random super weapon on the spot, as so many stories and alternate timelines have done, ie. Wolfenstein for example.

It may appear to you I'm having a bad reaction to criticism, but it's not the case. To me sci-fi is anything that deviates from reality. That includes Assassin's Creed, Doom, Wolfenstein, ect. That is why I feel I can justify some sci-fiction elements in the game, but your right also, if it was current world I wouldn't be able too, then I need to change the year and perhaps I can.

But perhaps I need a change in the twist as a whole, and disregard any nuclear involvement. Maybe I should instead focus on a dying earth that took too much damage from human endeavours and could not sustain its current form anymore, collapsing inward and creating a hollow, warped planet that gives birth to this ecosystem. Then any mutation can be a result from released energies dormant in the Earth's crust or core.

I will thank you for this then, even if I don't agree totally, you have helped me think of alternative styles to explain the devistation that are unique

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I think the idea of the Earth being the source of the problems is interesting, I'd like to see you develop that more.  That's been done a few times in video games but not that many and I think there's room to do a unique new version.

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I think the idea of the Earth being the source of the problems is interesting, I'd like to see you develop that more.  That's been done a few times in video games but not that many and I think there's room to do a unique new version.


Appreciated. I will brain storm and hammer out a new version that ties it all in.

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Earth's inner core is made mostly of iron, which is solid despite being over 10,000 degrees F, about the same temperature as the center of the sun.  This inner core is the source of Earth's magnetic field.  Earth's magnetic field protects Earth from solar flares and cosmic radiation.  However, historically Earth's magnetic field has repeatedly reversed itself.  It has reversed at least twice per million years, and it has been almost a million years since the last reversal, so we are due for one, though according to current monitoring it's not going to happen in the next few decades.  When it does reverse it may be a big problem because during the reversal Earth's protective magnetic field will collapse for decades, allowing lots of dangerous space radiation to hit the Earth.  Life on Earth has repeatedly survived this, but it could be a problem for our technology as well as cancer rates.

 

So, that's all science fact, there's a cool video about it on youtube if you want to watch it.  How can we science-fictionize this info to support your story?  Well, magnetism is certainly weird, and other fiction has used it as the bases of psionics or magic or alien intelligences.  If Earth's core cracked it would absolutely screw with the magnetic field; the reverse could also be the case, a large wave of magnetism could cause Earth's core to crack.  It's very important for your story's theme to figure out why it cracked, because this will be one of the mysteries you have players investigating during the game, and might be a source of a dungeon, a server-wide plot event, or the end of the game.  (Your game will probably have only one of these three things depending on what type of gameplay it has, I just don't know which.)  So, why does Earth's core crack?  Is something, or someone, in Earth's core?  Did they abandon Earth and the process of leaving caused the crack?  In that case the catastrophes will naturally die down if humans can survive long enough to see it.  Are they still there, and the solid core didn't really break,but instead the inhabitant(s) of the solid core are weaponizing the liquid outer core to attack the planet's surface with volcanoes and earthquakes?  In this case the catastrophes will continue to occur unless the bad guys are either satisfied with knocking humans back to the stone age or humans find a way to attack the Earth's core without disrupting the surface too much.  (Could be with anything from fire elementals to archeobacteria that can live in super-hot temperatures to a magic magnetism ritual, to a magnetism cannon, to stealing heat from the Earth's core until it gets too cold for the bad guys to live there.  Or, is the Earth's core cracking a result of a Gaia-spirit having a temper tantrum because she/it is emphatic and feeling the fear and anger of the warring humans?  Or is she/it not empathic but instead considers humans to be acting immorally and it pisses her off so much that she wants to clear life off the surface of the planet and start over?  In these cases you might have two factions within the game, one trying to do rituals to make Gaia happy and forgiving, and the other trying to figure out how to imprison/enslave/kill a spirit.

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Well like I said this is just the back story, the reason why will be explained as the player progresses in the game via box interaction and questing in safe zones.

I do feel like you focus in the science aspect a little much; in my opinion most great games have been created with little to no basis in reality, but still provide a quality experience and story. Ie Wolfenstein, doom, final fantasy, halo, ECT. To me I rather not ground my basis of the Earth's demise in reality, but fantasy as many have done before. After all there is no way to truly know what awaits anyone deep within without exploring it ourselves. Even our seas remain largely a mystery to us, and this fact has lead to many fantastic stories through the centuries.

Though you are correct, the mangetic field will be in disarray and provide for many interesting and unique biomes. This is a fact I would like to play on. It may seem odd to pick and chose what aspects of science I want to use, but to me that is all part of story telling. If we grounded everything in science, we wouldn't have such fantastic stories and games we do.

Though this may end up being a survival game purely, with little direct story, but a large indirect one. One that explains the terrain, the creatures, the formation of gangs, but leaves the player to create their own character and chose how they interact with the game. They will essentially make the story of their own character, while discovering the rich background of everything they see.

Probably ranting but at work and been a hard day

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