Well... I will wrated a history base of a game project (With a so slow progress and without any guy helping me).

Its a game likes to the Dark Souls series (An Action RPG with some Hack n Slash sources) and im working in his history (and sure, in the LORE). His ambient as in our present but with an fiction things and so much weapon relics.

And this is:

In the town of {insert cool town name}, lives our protagonist: Chris, he is a guy with 6 months of marriage with his wife Melody, she has pregned on his 6 months.

Everything is normal until the arrival of an a misterious mans with a black and yellow clotes, they atack the town and will stole the youngest people in the town, with this, Melody has stoled, because his child in her body, Chris knowing his town can´t have any future without the young people start to make a plan to report his to the national security center. But the misterious mans has forgotten a white artefact, causing Chris scratches with his thing, making contact with his blood, and after this, Chris be transported to a devasted city, and after an problems in this city, Chris meet a hunter of this city escaping constantly of a mans likes the invaders of his town.

The man explains to Chris the next things: He is no more in his town, he is now in the poor city of Graidhug, an great city but a home of a inhuman sect called himselfs "The Summon Sect", bringing tribute to an ancinent deity called "The Creator", in his rituals they constantly sacrify young people extracting a thing they call "The Bloody Escence", its an energy extracted in his hearts to make the rituals and make they strongers. But the pat to the leader´s lair is locked with a strong energy, Its because they can prevent surprise atacks.

If anyone needs to open his path, its needed to extract the most evil bloody escences in the city: The Summon´s Escences, its will be planted in the hearts of 6 mans to make a hard work open this, the Summon´s Centinels are: Ránoram, Sertherous, Rhun´ Alum, Mikhaello, Abyss and Phaloryx. If Chris need to enter to his path, he need to explore Graidhug and kill his monsters with human body to make his job.

I need some sugerences to improve my work, what can be more original and what can be with better logic and more exciting? And sure, what can be a good title? (In the title I have planed the name "Hollow The Fear", but to me its not so great)

If you can sugest anything, don´t forget to make a comment, its free!

Writen: Erik (Or Growl Kat)

The very first thing you need to do is proofread and edit the above post. It is full of spelling mistakes and poorly constructed sentences to the point of incomprehensibility in places. Examples of this include:

wrated = wrote

misterious = mysterious

clotes = clothes

Ah -- I have just discovered why. You are a native Spanish speaker writing in English, or at least that's what Google Translate implies when I looked up sugerences (suggestions).

As an example of how you might rewrite this: