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KowZ

Game Idea : FPS, or Whatever

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I have a game Idea for people to use... Please post your comments ..... Title : Jet Black Game Type : First Person Shooter / Role Playing Game Storyline : During the years of Snow White, the evil queen devised many plans to make herself the fairest of them all. But, none of the queens tricks worked. One of the queens plans was to have several Magical Elves create a horrible forest in which to trap Snow White and have her change into a horrid beast. But, the power of the Elves was too great and they created a place so horrible, that it even corrupted them. One by one the elves became distraught and hung themselves on the tree in the middle of the forest. At doing this, all the magic of the forest was gone except for the limbs of the horrible tree. The forest came alive and cried out in terror, waiting for this evil curse to go. Years later, after the queen was long gone, the forest remained. One day, a young beautiful model was wandering the forest when several wolves chased her through the horrible forest. Unbeknownst to her, she was chased up the tree in which the elves had hung themselves. When she got to the top, the branch broke and she fell off the tree hitting every limb on the way down. When she hit the bottom branch, it broke off and the power was removed from the tree and placed in the branch. When the girl woke up, she noticed that all the wolves were gone. She went to the nearby pond to wipe off all dirt and mud from her face. When she saw her reflection, she screamed. She had become so ugly, that she even repulsed herself. She took the branch back and went to make sure it wasnt just the reflection. When she got to her home, she through the branch to her dog, which turned it into a hideous beast. She became scared, but soon realized the power of the branch. Obsessed with the power, she soon ran around changing everyone into horribly ugly beings. Since she was no longer attractive, she didnt want anyone else to be. You are now on the watch out for this evil thing that has been named "Jet Black". Characters : Jet Black = The Evil Ugly Girl who controls the Ugly Stick You = A Modeling Agent who has lost all of your clients to the evil of Jet Black. Your Sidekicks = Movie Stars, Models, etc. They help you in return that you help them stay beautiful. Mirror Mirror On the Wall = Used to help find Jet Black. Medusa''s Daughter = She teams up with Jet Black to get rid of the beauty of the earth. Midas'' Son = He teams up with you to restore the beauty in the land. Other Characters = Models, Evil Ugly People, etc. Design is still in the works, but, heres the jest of it. Please reply with your thoughts. -- KowZ Microsoft isn''''t the enemy, but they own the enemy.

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Three words for you:

Nintendo Game Cube.

Don''t take this the wrong way, but as soon as I saw "During the years of Snow White", I was ready to click off this post and move along. It''s a personal preference, don''t take this as trashing - but there''s no way in hell I''m playing a game about Snow White unless I''m 10 years old and bored with my Super Mario Bros. 2000.

It''s hard to critique it without knowing what the game''s target audience would be. As an older GenX''er, I see Elves and fairies and I''m thinking "kiddie game". There''s no kewl factor here; could you imagine telling your friends "Hey, check this: I was playing this game where I was a modeling agent in the woods, and this ugly chick with a stick came after me! Total creep-fest, man!"

Won''t happen in my lifetime. I don''t know any women who''d want to play a modeling agent who gets hunted down by a crazed model, so no guys I know would even be remotely interested.

Plot critiques:

Why, if the Elves are already corrupted enough that they''d do what the Evil Queen tells them to do, would they be corrupted by the evil forest they created?

Why does the tree suck up all the magic of the forest? If there''s no longer any magic in the rest of the forest, what makes it so horrible?

Why does all the magic concentrate itself into a single branch? What''s so special about this branch?

What happened to the wolves who chased the girl up the tree? They just walked away, while she''s lying there unconscious?

Why was she clinging to this branch all the way home? It''s a stick, for crimminy''s sake.

If I''m a modeling agent...would I really be the type of person who decides to avenge his models - or would I simply pack up shop and move on to another place?

I''m confused; movie stars? When, exactly, is this time period taking place? On the one hand you''ve got Midas'' son (? why Midas?), on the other you''ve got actors and actresses.

Offhand, sounds a lot like "Phantom of the Opera".


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A little more; I sat back and tried to look at the storyline from different perspectives, to see if it worked for me on any level.

I''m not getting the rationale behind having this be a pseudo-fairy tale/criticism of the modeling industry. I also don''t understand how this could be an FPS.

Let''s just take the "transformation" as an example of why I''m struggling with this. Your path is basically this:

Snow White is hated by Evil Queen. Evil Queen hires Evil Elves to make an Evil Forest to trap Snow White. Evil Forest turn Evil Elves...despondent? Manic-Depressive? Suicidal? Evil Elves kill themselves on Tree, Tree becomes More Evil Tree. Forget all about the Evil Queen and Snow White because they''re no longer relevant to the story, jump ahead to Sometime In The Future. Unknown Model walks into Evil Forest. Inexplicable Wolves chase her up the More Evil Tree, the wind blows, the cradle rocks, and down comes Unknown Model. Evil of the Tree centers on a single branch, which inexplicably changes Unknown Model into Evil Model/Jet Black.

All of this, to come up with a story of why Jet Black is evil? Why not simply say she''s an ugly witch who hates the model industry, and goes around transforming models with her magic Ugly Wand?

Now, the time frame; is this modern/21st century? Why are "Medusa''s Daughter" and "Midas'' Son" in this? If it''s still a fantasy/medieval period, why are there movie stars as npcs? Does Midas'' son have the same touch? Is Little Medusa turning people to stone, too?

I''m trying to figure out if your plan is to create a twisted fairy tale or not. It also reads like it should be an Adventure/RPG, not a FPS; I''m trying to figure out what a model agent would use as a weapon, and it''s not a pretty picture.

In all honesty - because again, despite the criticism, I''m not making fun here - is the game supposed to be campy/a parody? Your last line seems almost Freudian, if it wasn''t intentional: "Design is still in the works, but, heres the jest of it..."

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This was just a joke, its not a real design..

It was designed by me after my ex MODEL girlfriend dumped me. I decided to go for a walk with all my friends , and, we soon realized that half the town is Ugly.. So, we started joking about it. Jet Black is just a parody on Snow White, and fits in from some whacked out experiences. If ya want me to post a REAL game story, just ask, but, this Forum seemed dead.

Anyways, Post More Replies, its fun to hear some criticism.





Microsoft isn''''t the enemy, but they own the enemy.

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quote:
Original post by KowZ
This was just a joke, its not a real design..


Bah. Makes no difference.

Is a game based on Snow White massively worse than a game based on Lewis Carrol''s Alice stories?

(Sure, Alistair McGee filled his games with blood and depression. But it''s still a little girl, white rabbits, tea parties...)

Superpig
- saving pigs from untimely fates
- sleeps in a ham-mock at www.thebinaryrefinery.cjb.net

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