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Zido

Haven, the next in strategy action

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I have made little storyboards and gave a story to this game and what I think is a great character, a 27 year old ninja who has great reflexes and a mastery of all skills. Okay the story(I`ll make it short). In the kingdom called Haven, the 27 year old ninja I mentioned above is one of the guardians of the kingdom. He is considered the best. This makes one of the guardians so mad that this guardian secretly goes over to the opposing kingdom called Sinet. He learns all their magic. When he returns to Haven, he puts the whole kingdom under his control. And to satisfy himself he turns all the guardians to stone except for the ninja he hates. He challenges him to a battle. But instead of fighting the traitor, he fights his own daughter under the traitor`s control. After he loses, this shadow appears and turns the ninja into a monster and teleports him out of Haven to a far away place. His objective is to make his way back to Haven but now since the whole world is under siege, he will have to go through all this new force`s well force. Even though he has this curse, he has gained some new abilities. Invisibility, use and learn Sinet spells, and more. There will be a whole lot of weapons including the ability to steal weapons from enemies. I just want to know if this is a good story and elements. ~ Zido

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Sounds a bit far-fetched, with no apparent reasoning behind some of the characters'' decisions. I think you need to give it a little more thought, especially regarding the characters'' motivations. Oh, and post in the Game Writing forum, not the Game Design forum, unless you have some design elements to discuss?

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I think it needs a great intro cinematic sequence. Other than that, sounds great.

Kylotan: exactly which chracters? Haven''t you ever heard of this thing called jealousy? The villain sounds very plausible.

Perhaps you first fight your way through Sinet, and of course meet maybe other people to help on the way.

I can already see a sequel. Hearing news that his puppet has been vanquished, the Emperor of Sinet invades Haven.

I would imagine that teleporting shadow to be the villain''s right hand man and next to the final boss.

Maybe later through the journey you get the ability to change back into the monster.

You could do prequels.

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27 seems rather young to be a guardian - and one of the best at that. This a common theme with young authors of various forms of media: their protagonists are often young - sometimes unreasonably so - in order to project themselves onto the hero, or vice-versa.

Make him forty-ish. It''s more believable.

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