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Zido

Stories and games are my talents; a video game you will like

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I have been writing and making video games for a long time and now I will share one of them to see if any of you like it, not me. On a high, dangerous mountain during midnight, a mountain climber dashes up the mountain trying to find a safe place to go to get out the furious snow storm. He finally finds a cave and runs in there just before the storm reches its full potential. The climber sits down huffing and puffing glad to be out the storm. Then, he sees a purple glow from deeper into the cave. He rushes over to it and see it`s coming through a little hole. The man touches the wall and opens a hidden room. Sitting on a pedestral is a dark purple sword with the letter "N" on it. The man picks it up but gets shocked by it killing him. The sword starts hovering and releases and a great amount energy destroying the mountain. The next day the town that was at the bottom of the mountain come to see this disaster. One man though seaches through the rubble and finds the sword. Once he touches it the sky turns purple and monsters start coming from the sky. The freedom of the sword had released a sealed power that once try to destroy an ancient kingdom. And the man himself, found out that he is the ancestor of Night Terror, the posseser of the sword he held and the knight of the kingdom After all that, I think I`m going to rest , anyway, tell me if the story is good or just kind of plain with nothing interresting.

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Guest Anonymous Poster
Come on it wasn''t that bad. I liked most of it except the part about the ''N'' on the sword, I don''t know it just sounds kinda goofy, like today''s video game is brought to you by the letter N! hehe. Anyway, it sounds pretty cool.

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What concept of ''design'' do most guys have?

A real ''design'', for what you would bet, would came in the format of URL (to the document that explains many aspects of the game: story, characters, logic, expected graphics, INTERFACE, system... everything).

A game IS NOT 7 lines of text.


JJpRiVaTe
Web: Private Zone

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I''d like to be constructive, but that storyline...trite, overdone, I could go on for hours.

Call it the Birthright Legacy concept. Ancient sword, handed down from father to son, brings with it a great destiny. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, coffee mug and keyring.

I thought at first it would be the Possessed Item concept. Man finds item, item corrupts man, man tries to conquer the world. Hero shows up, fights man, takes item, overcomes item''s evil nature.

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Maybe these will help:

1) dump the "N"; that''s just waaaaaaaaay too cheesy, and will have everyone cracking Nintendo jokes;
2) don''t have the sword found in a cave, in a snowstorm, behind a hidden wall. Try the same story with a thief breaking into a mountain castle, finding an old sword swaddled in cloth. It doesn''t look like much, but might fetch a good price for the jewels embedded in the metal, etc.;
3) expand the story more. The sword is stolen, taken to a merchant in a little hamlet several leagues away. The merchant buys the sword, thinking with a bit of shine he could sell it for more. Now we jump to the Skywalker scenario: young son sees the sword, has a sword fetish, sneaks it out to the fields to play with. Mercs come looking for the stolen sword, kills the merchant, his wife, his dog, his chickens, etc. Teen comes back, has no idea what the hell just happened, but now is on the run. Teen is really adopted, sword is his legacy, it starts talking to him; it takes him a while to realize it''s the sword, thinks he''s going crazy.

It''s corny, but at least it''s a formula that works.

From there you can have him start discovering his legacy, decide how the whole demon thing ties in with the sword, and how his father/ancestor is tied into this whole thing. Call it Skywalker meets Frodo, but at least it''s the start of a "believable" story (however overdone it may be).

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Guest Anonymous Poster
Geez, rough crowd. Stories and games are his talents guys, you just took his will to live.

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I realized I completely missed something I''d wanted to comment on before; you say you wanted an opinion on a video game idea...what''s the video game here? You offer up an opening cutscene, but where''s the game part?

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If he''s a real writer he''s still got the will, regardless of what anybody could ever say.

And right now I''ve got the image in my head of zelda or SOM.

I did like the part where the guy who touches it first gets killed, that was a little unexpected. Got to love false prophets.

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Guest Anonymous Poster
Your going to rest after writing a 3 paragraph story?
Most people can improv a story better than that.

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The man became corrupted, unleashing the power of the sword, one of the 6 powers of the world, to be used for good or evil. He learns of the other five, and quickly tries to unleash them from their places. He succeeds in releasing all 6, but when he pulls out the last sword from the last mountain, it starts to thunder, lightning strikes, and rain falls. The man suddenly feels cold and scared, like blood stops flowing from his veins. A spirit takes over him. The spirit flushes into him so fast that he dies, and becomes part of the spirit.

His son, who had stayed at home, dismayed by the fact that his father went on journeys without even telling him where he was going, read his journal. In it, his destination was revealed: Mount Durad. In the cold winter night, he ran towards Mount Durad. He reached the foothold of the mountain, and saw his father, fleshed into the spirit.

His father, Barahite, possessed by the spirit, was persuading him to take the swords, and reforge them in Mount Dargonye, a mere four hundred miles away from his homeland. Naturally, the spirit took over him too, flushing out his own spirit slowly.


Hehe, sounds kind of stupid. Somewhat like LOTR/Starwars reversed.

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I say screw the monsters, or at least hold them off till later in the game. First have the character being chased by the family of the wealthy explorer who they think was killed by the new onwer, then when they are all defeated (1/3rd into game) the whole town realizes the power this man has and turns on him to recapture the sword. He gives it up but the one entrusted with it''s return and resealing isn''t trustworthy and summons the monsters to guard him. The first handler of the sword must now fight with companions from the town to regain the sword and once again decide if he wants to part with it.

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quote:
2 don't have the sword found in a cave, in a snowstorm, behind a hidden wall. Try the same story with a thief breaking into a mountain castle, finding an old sword swaddled in cloth. It doesn't look like much, but might fetch a good price for the jewels embedded in the metal, etc.

hmmmmmmm, for telling Zido his idea is unoriginal, yours doesn't sound much better. Brings back fine memories of Shining Force 2, only with a sword instead of a jewel. Personally Zido, I like it, even if it isn't the most original idea. Hell, nowadays what is original. It has the effect of being a great game itself, while bringing back past memories of other awesome games.

He who laughs, lasts


[edited by - deadlydog on June 18, 2002 9:15:48 PM]

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It`s Zido again. I have changed the story dramatically and I want to know if this is better.
On a wierd thundering night, the electricity in a small town starts acting up. Lights flicking on and off, applicances not acting properly, etc. Anyway, two scientists can`t understand why there is so much electricity in the air. Their energy advice suddenly picks up a huge energy surge in the woods outside of town. The two walk through the woods going toward the huge power. They stop in front of a big lake. Their device breaks all of a sudden and everything goes still. After a big silence, a big lightning beam comes up out the lake into the sky. The beam releases alot of lightning bolts onto the woods causing a big fire. During the comotion, a small spark shoots toward the town from atop the beam. Whike everyone is screaming for their lives, a guy in silver and blue-violet armor with a nocturnal-like eye band appears. He pulls out an electric producing sword with a symbol displayed on it.(not an N, glad now?) He looks toward the moon and gets really tensed.
Now, is this a better story? I like this story. Give me back a reply.

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Guest Anonymous Poster
This story seems better, but your writing is lacking in substance and accuracy.(He looks toward the moon and gets really tensed.)?

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Ignoring the cliches for a moment, I still don''t understand what these stories are for.
Are they background stories to an FPS (like the first cutscene that you get to introduce the monsters before you slaughter them)? In which case, I think they''re fine. A bit too much cliche for my taste, but if it''s for an FPS cliche doesn''t matter - I''d only play it for the death and destruction anyway.

Are they meant to be stories for an RPG? If they are, then unfortunately, they''re way too short, and not original enough (although the second one is a bit more original than the first). If you want to make an RPG from them, then fine, but you''re going to have to spend a heck of a lot of time expanding them.

Are they just stories - nothing to do with games? In which case they''re an ok start if you like that style of writing. But they aren''t stories, they''re just a really short introduction.

I''m sorry if this sounds harsh, but they really aren''t stories. Just as a game isn''t just eye-candy, a story isn''t just a few descriptive sentences. But if you expand them, and actually tell us (for example) what the guy with the sword does with his new-found power, then we might be interested.

John B

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