My name is David, and I've been writing stories for several years now. I'd like some feedback on two public samples I recently wrote. Yet enough with the introductions, let's get to the meat of it:
Sample One, Mass Effect: Andromeda Alternate Prologue.
For this project I changed around the main characters and setting. The player now controls Alec aboard the Nexus. This made more sense to me, as the Nexus-being the first ship in Andromeda-should've had a Pathfinder with it. Moreover, the drama of the Nexus riots seems to establish much of the intra-factional conflict. Act 1 is what I have so far, and it's already half a book long. When it comes to game dialog, I try to give weight to every choice the player makes (hence the length of the document).
Choice is always a major factor in any Mass Effect game (yes, even 3), and I tried to emulate that here. The first choice the player makes is whether to delay some enemy reinforcements or shoot them out into space. This choice affects the dialog between Alec and SAM; and, in future Acts, it would help determine SAM's independent actions. The player's second choice concerns how to deal with the Nexus riot leaders. The player is given three options, two of which have their own sub-options. These choices can remove future bosses, as well as add to Alec's combat party.
Like with any project this size, I don't expect people to read all of it; yet, I would certainly welcome some feedback.
Also, Here's the Decision Tree for Act 1. In case you want to preview/track the choices I gave the player. Andromeda Act 1 Decision Tree.pdf
Note: I posted the Andromeda rewrite on the appropriate Reddit, but I only got a couple of responses.
Sample Two, End of the Imperial Line
This is an original project (i.e. I didn't use a pre-existing IP). The End of the Imperial Line takes place around 1890's London. An assassination plot against the Queen serves as the catalyst for the story. Episode 1 begins when three cops storm a train to find the would-be assassin. Players control Johnny Badger, a normal street cop. Johnny must interview the 9 passengers and use their testimonies/evidence to identify the assassin.
Episode 1 is kept short and contained. That said, it is ironically about as long as the previous mentioned project. Surprisingly, having 9 passengers answer the same 3-4 questions can add up to quite a bit. Especially when you try to make each one stand out.
Feedback is very welcome on this project. However, please don't bludgeon me too much about the accents (or lack thereof). I was trying to get this one done in time for a job application.
Where to Read Them,
These projects can be found at: