Need help with story.

Writing for Games Game Design

Started by Ashaman73 January 31, 2013 03:13 PM

1 comment, last by Ashaman73 11 years, 2 months ago

Ashaman73

13,718

Author

January 31, 2013 03:13 PM

I could need some help with the intro story for my game.

The story is done, but I'm not a native speaker and don't know if I use some clumsy wording or phrases which do not make much sense in the according context. The story is divided into 4 parts, there are two history parts and two parts which works like a quest. I'm not a good story teller, nor are the stories innovative, still I want to at least deliver the story part in decent English

Part 1a: Story

And after a 100 year war the people of Amunlak defeated Vardgest and banned him in eternal darkness. Only the signet of power was capable to hold up the ban and so the people of Amunlak gave it to the guardians.
However time consumed nightmares of darkness and bred dreams of power. The people, driven by hate and greed, sought after the power of the signet and the guardians became hunted. In this time the guardians gave the signet of power to the innocent people of the Gnoblins, people living deep under the earth and weaved a powerful spell to conceal their existence. Yet the hunger for power was frenetic and so it happens, that a last battle at the fortress of the guardians, Berghar, stained the moon in red.
Driven by despair the great master of the guardians,Thorfinn, send a young novice through a portal to the signet of power and closed the portal with his own blood for ever.
And with the blood of the last guardian, the spell of concealment started to fade...

Part 1b: Quest

'Hate and greed shall never touch the signet of power. I send you to the Gnoblins, they will help you...They are coming ! Go ! Find a way to protect the signet from dark thoughts ...' and then the great master chants some words in an unknown language, words still echoing in your head as if they do not want to be forgotten.

You are lying on the ground and you have to vomit. You notice, that you are at an unknown location after taking a look around. You have taken some items with you before traveling through the portal and pick them quickly up.
As you want to stand up, you touch a great, nearby rock and suddenly a surge of power runs through you. The last words of the great master sink into the rock. Suddenly you understand, that these were words of power, an ancient legacy, inherited from generation to generation of guardians for hundredth of years and that this rock will take you to your destiny...

Part 2a: Story

And the people of Amunlak banned Vardgest with a powerful spell. However with the years the spell devoured unthinkable amounts magic, which was payed with the lives of many mages. And with them the power of the ban-spell vanished day for day.
The people sought for the elders and pleaded for aid. The elders agreed to give a last gift of mercy to a dying world. Therefor they created a last artifact, an artifact of incomparable power, the Signet of Power.
And with an rune engraved ark of pure adamantium, the elders gave the Signet to power to the people of Amunlak.
Because of the boisterously power of the signet, which would consumed almost everything what touches it, the elders gifted although the knowledge of the ancient rune magic, the only power which was able to tame the signet...

Part 2b: Quest

The scroll is penned in a kind of rune script, similar to the runes you already know from weapons and armor of the guardians.
The gnoblins recognize some of the runes, because they use a similar script. They quickly get one of their scholars, who is able to decipher most of the runes. The scroll tells the story of the Signet of Power and the Magic of Runes, and displays a sketch. The sketch shows a rune engraved statue of adamantium, a statue of an elder who holds the Signet of Power.
You have already noticed, that the roots holding the signet, slowly wither under the boisterously power of the signet. At least the statue of adamantium could give you more time until you can think of a better idea about what to do with the signet.
You need to find adamantium and craft the statue. The gnoblins seems to know the metal, though they do not need it themselves. The scholar touches the stone of teleportation and speaks some words of power. Afterwards he wave to you and points to the stone, it seems that you should continue your journey...

Ashaman

Gnoblins: Website - Facebook - Twitter - Youtube - Steam Greenlit - IndieDB - Gamedev Log

Stormynature

5,198

January 31, 2013 09:11 PM

Section1

And after a hundred years of war, the people of Amunlak defeated Vardgest and banished him into eternal darkness. The signet of power was then created to maintain the banishment spell and thus to ensure its safety the people of Amunlak gave it unto the Guardians for safekeeping.

However time eroded the people's fear of the darkness giving birth to selfish dreams of might and power. The guardians who held the signet and the power it represented became envied and soon hated and the people began to hunt them down seeking to reclaim the power that had once been theirs.

In this time of harrowing, the Guardians gave the signet of power unto the innocent people of the Gnoblins, a people living deep within the earth and wove a great spell of concealment to hide their existance from those who would cause them harm.

The greed for power did not diminish in the people of the Amunlak as time went on and the guardians one by one fell to their wickedness until at Berghar, the last fortress of the guardians, the final battle was fought and the life blood of the last of the guardians spilled staining the moon red.

As this last desperate stand of the guardians fell, the great master Thorfinn opened a portal to the realm of the gnoblins and sent his novice through to the signet of power. Then using his lifeblood, he closed the portal permanently.

And with the blood of the last guardian fallen, the spell of concealment began to fade...

Section 2

"Hate and greed must never touch the signet of power. I am sending you to the Gnoblins who will aid you in this task...they are coming! Go now! Find a way to protect the signet from dark thoughts and what would be unleashed." The great master's voice rose as strange words from an unknown language spilled forth forth from him. The chant binding itself into your mind so as not to be forgotten.

You are lying on the ground nauseated, in a place you have never before been. Around you are scattered various items which you had gathered earlier before entering the portal. Gathering the items you go to stand up grasping a nearby boulder with which to pull yourself up. You feel a surge run though you as those last words of the great master spill forth from you and pour into the rock leaving you with the knowledge that these were ancient words of power handed down from generation to generation of guardians and that this rock shall take you to your destiny...

Section 3

The people of Amunlak had banished Vardgest with a powerful spell. Yet the cost of the spell was ongoing one, requiring an enormous amount of magic to maintain and thus many mages paid with their lives as they drained themselves of their magic to power the spell. As the number of mages diminished so in desperation did the people of Amunlak seek the elders out and plead for their aid. The elders agreed to a gift of mercy to this dying world and created a last artifact, one of immeasurable potency, the Signet of Power.
Inside a rune-graved ark of pure adamantium the elders gave the Signet of power to the people of Amunlak and as the Signet was of such potency as to tear apart all that it touched, they also bestowed the ancient knowledge of rune magic. The only magic capable of restraining the signet from destroying all.

Section 4

The scroll is written in runes, similar to those runes you know of, inscribed on the weapons and armour of the guardians.

Recognising some of the runes the Gnoblins quickly get one of their scholars who is able to decipher most of the scroll. It tells of the Signet of Power and the magic of Runes. Below the script there is a drawing depicting a rune-engraved statue of an elder holding the signet of power. The script describes the statue as being made of adamantium.

You have already noticed that the roots currently holding the signet are withering, dying from the fierce energies given off by the Signet. This adamantium statue could be used to hold the Signet affording more time to find a permanent solution to problem posed by the Signet.

You will need to find adamantium and craft the statue, the Gnoblins seem to know of the metal though they had no use for it themselves. The scholar touches the stone of travel and speaks some words of power. Upon completion of his speaking, he waves to you and points to the stone. It seems you should continue your journey.

--------------------------

Hope this helps

NB: Please take into account that this is piecemeal writing i.e. somewhat constrained in the sense of not knowing the fuller story, the characters involved so undertones/back story etc cannot be really weaved in that well.