I'm using the Express edition, which means that I have a fraction of the available features and the ones that I do have are gimped.

With that said, the interface SUCKS! I have an 8-core processor, 16 GB of RAM and an AMD 7870. While this is a moderate to high end system, I have seen very nice GUIs rendered quickly on much lower end systems. Why, in the name of God, did they decide that we all want to take a giant leap back and do a flat, monochrome interface?! I have a very hard time just trying to find GUI elements on screen. Windows 3.1 GUI was better than this!

Try the dark theme, if you haven't already. It's much easier on the eyes.

The Express edition cannot use themes, although I was able to find a hack to make it work.

Yes, it can. I was able to switch into the dark theme without any hacks.

Go to Tools->Options, then in the drop-down on the left hand side select Environment->General. Then, under the "visual experience" pane, there should be a drop-down labelled "color theme" which lets you switch between "Dark" and "Light."