The red eye - Feedback

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2 comments, last by ChurrosBllack 8 years, 1 month ago

I have this idea in my head about a cyberpunk story and I would like some feedback about it :) By the way, that is my first post around here!

Our protagonist is a lazy and depressive detective around 40 years old. Left alone by his own family, he was facing a big financial struggle when he received a message from an old friend, who invites him to pay a visit. The detective visits his friend, an outlaw biohacker, who - after a few drinks - asks the protagonist to serve as guinea pig for his project called "The red eye".

The Red Eye consists in an eye implant attached to one of the users eyeball, once installed, the gear can send eletromagnetic signal directly into the brain of the user's victim (who he faces directly) giving him certain control of his victim's behaviour.

The protagonist's friend set the device on "Truth" mode, which makes the victim be completely sincere about anything asked, answering only "Yes" or "No". The detective accepts.

After the long installation, they set up a little test, the detective can ask anything while the biohacker would be the victim. The detective makes a question

"Did you put any drugs on that drink to make me accept this crazy shit?"

...

"Yes"

After 3 seconds, the biohacker's head explodes, leaving the detective terrified. At the same moment he notices, with immense pain, that the device is merging with his own eye. He receives a message. Whilst fainting, on the ground, losing blood, he reads.

"We have a new case"

So the game would be about this :) with the possibility of, sometimes, using the Red Eye to know the truth about something, even though the victim will die instantly in 3 seconds.

Thanks in advance!

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So this is not a primary weapon or anything? Like something he uses all the time? Interesting. But what if he uses it on someone he does not wish to kill, but he needs the information anyway so he has to? What a conundrum!!

I'd change the name of his ability: red-eye sounds like a description of when your eyes get too irritated. I mistook this thread title for 'pink-eye'.

So this is not a primary weapon or anything? Like something he uses all the time? Interesting. But what if he uses it on someone he does not wish to kill, but he needs the information anyway so he has to? What a conundrum!!

No no, he has the option of using it or not :) although the device would aways be part of his face from now on.

I'd change the name of his ability: red-eye sounds like a description of when your eyes get too irritated. I mistook this thread title for 'pink-eye'.

Didn't stop to think about this :0 Accepting suggestions :)

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