Original Post
[Edit: changed title.] "Michael Bay is RUINING my childhood!" Yes, I said it, too. I said it over a year ago when it was first announced that Michael Bay would direct The Transformers. I said it even though I generally enjoy the way he makes things explode. I said it because, while I was sure he would do justice to the action scenes, I feared that he would completely mangle the emotional core of the Transformers universe. But first, let's clear up a few things. This isn't one of those reviews written for general audiences. If you don't know what Cybertron and Energon are, this isn't for you. If a reference to Alpha Trion or Vector Sigma puzzles you, and you don't know where to start looking on Wikipedia, stop reading now (unless you just enjoy my masterful prose). This is the insider's Transformers anaylsis, an evaluation of how the 2007 movie reinterpretation compares to the expectation of a G1 fanboy. If you were into Beast Wars or - *shudder* - Armada, get the fuck outta here. Got it? Also, there be SPOILERS in this analysis, so if you haven't seen the movie and don't want spoilers, quit here. Michael Bay's Transformers is an excellent Transformers movie, better than Transformers: The Movie (1986), and an excellent summer blockbuster to boot. It is fairly comprehensively thought out, doesn't pander to its audience by trying to explain every little detail, doesn't adhere slavishly to the source property (a good thing), and doesn't take itself too seriously (with mixed results). The Transformers, Autobot and Decepticon, are seeking the Allspark, giver of non-biological robotic life. The Autobots seek it to restore life to Cybertron; the Decepticons, under Megatron, seek it to conquer the universe. The humans in the movie actually misunderstand that ambition, but we'll get to that in a while. There are a few interesting conceits, such as the notion that all our modern technology was reverse engineered from a crash-landed, cryogenically frozen Megatron ("NBE 1"), held in suspended animation for over 100 years. Discovered by an explorer with the last name Witwicky (fanservice), the location of the Allspark imprinted on his glasses, his great-great-grandson Sam (Shia LeBeouf) buys his first car, a rusty, beat up Camaro that turns out to be Bumblebee. At this juncture, let me address the criticism that Bumblebee not being a VW bug is some sort of travesty: shut the fuck up. The Transformers cartoon was designed to sell toys, mmmkay? And if you remember in Arrival from Cybertron, when the probe went out and scanned vehicles to reshape the various robots into, they already had the vehicular parts in their robot forms, which makes no sense. In this movie, each robot can scan everyday objects and reconfigure its outer shell to enable transformation into said object. Essentially, the Transformers are a race of shape-shifting robots that decompose their target forms into configurable panels, which makes a lot more sense than the 1980s cartoon. So give it a rest, nerds. This film only deals with a pair of advance parties. Several Decepticons, including Starscream, have arrived on earth to locate both Megatron and the Allspark, while Bumblebee is sent alone to locate Sam Witwicky (which he does) and then contact the rest of his unit (Optimus Prime, Ironhide, Ratchet and Jazz). One of the movies brilliant moves is intertwining this robotic battle story with the initially ordinary and increasingly unbelievable story of Sam, from his scrapping to buy his first car to being noticed by the girl of his dreams... to being chased by Barricade (the Ford Mustang police cruiser whose side reads "To Punish and Enslave" rather than "To Protect and Serve"). Additionally, the incorporation of the military establishment, despite the large number of underdeveloped characters it introduced, was a good move. The original cartoon had twenty- to thirty-storey robots doing battle on our planet (and even building their own city), yet no government ever seemed to notice, intervene or communicate directly with them? That made no sense, and Bay's interpretation is far more reasonable. The story is interesting to us because it concerns us, because it affects us. The robots are realized incredibly, with real physics in their movement and a genuine sense of weight. The editing in some of the fight scenes was a little too hyperactive (an unfortunate, growing trend in CGI-heavy movies; I mean, why spend 38 hours rendering a single frame if it ends up just being a blur?), and some of the comic relief (the Autobots hiding around the Witwicky home) was superfluous and even a little annoying. The Decepticon disregard for human life - and for life in general (watch Megatron kill Jazz; took him seconds) - is far more satisfying than the caricatured "badness" of the 80's cartoon. There's nothing I enjoy more than a fictional universe being taken seriously, with serious consequences. (And this is why most modern sci-fi sucks, but that's a whole 'nother discussion.) Also interesting was the mutating virus, which killed all electronic communications (a theme explored in Live Free or Die Hard as well; review forthcoming). Open questions:
- why does the Allspark seem to automatically create Decepticons? The Nokia phone at Sector 7, the Mountain Dew dispenser on the street... they all turn into vicious, red-eyed, gun-toting robots. Possible answer: because all our technology had been reverse engineered from Megatron.
- will there be a sequel? Duh. We hear Prime not only say they are staying, but that other Autobots, wherever they may be, should come join them on Earth, and we see Starscream leaving Earth at the end, presumably to bring reinforcements. Galvatron in part 2?
- why do the action figures released so far suck? The movie isn't targeted as kids, as much as Hasbro might wish it was (and as much as it's pushing product tie-in like a mother). In our theater, a kid crying during the previews prompted a lot of, "Who brings a kid to Transformers?" comments, which, you have to admit, is kinda funny considering that it's basically a giant toy commercial. Either way, we need some Masterpiece love, Hasbro, so get on it! My desk at work waits to be festooned with your die-cast cruft!
