I can't resist (more Iraq-type stuff)

Kevin Hawkins · 2003-03-02T17:18:38

Taken from the forums at Prounreal The Complete Military History of France * Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian. * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost , saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France''s armies are only victorious when not led by a Frenchman." * Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. * Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots * Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. * War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. * The Dutch War - Tied * War of the Augsburg League/King William''s War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three "ties" in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough , which they have loved every since. * American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the formerly English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; " France only wins when America does most of the fighting." * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. * The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France ''s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. * World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States . Thousands of French women find out what it''s like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn''t call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. * World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. * War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. * War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to the Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald''s. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

GDNet Lounge Community

Started by khawk February 21, 2003 04:43 PM

327 comments, last by khawk 21 years, 3 months ago

Anonymous

February 21, 2003 09:24 PM

firahs i think france lost(dead) 1,400,000 soldiers not 400,000

"Eh? They were tied for the second highest ratio of casuaties to number of troops mobilized. How is that "not that bad compared to other countries"? "

Well yes but they were not only one with these statistics.

Voxelsoft

196

February 21, 2003 09:30 PM

I gotta share this with you! It really rocks if you have some time spare!

http://www.idleworm.com/nws/2002/11/iraq2.shtml

Awesome flash game!

Vox

Wikkyd

118

February 21, 2003 09:33 PM

Good ones VoxelSoft!

Wikkyd~"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law!"~Aleister Crowley, The Beast 666

KalvinB

102

February 21, 2003 09:55 PM

Sanctions smanctions. They''re still a bunch of cowards who won''t fight because they suck at it and because if they do fight they''re really going to lose oil.

Not getting "priority" is just a little slap on the wrist. You''re making more out of that then there actually is. If not getting "priority" is the "punishment" for supporting sanctions, imagine what Iraq would tell the French (hint: something along the lines of "fuck you, if you think you''re getting ANY oil") if they actually did some active duty against Iraq instead of cowaring behind their borders?

So again, are you trying to prove me wrong or right?

Ben

IcarusIndie.com [ The Labyrinth | DevZone | Indie Mail | Hosting | Tiberian Merchandise | GameShot | Fun With Cutouts ]

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Wikkyd

118

February 21, 2003 10:06 PM

quote:Original post by KalvinB
Sanctions smanctions. They''re still a bunch of cowards who won''t fight because they suck at it and because if they do fight they''re really going to lose oil.

*Coughs*
*Waves hands to clear the flaming smoke away*
*Coughs*

According to that DOE source I cited, the French have already fallen out of favor with the Iraqi government due to them supporting US/British sanctions.

Like I said. If you can show some verifiable sources to show otherwise, then your arguments might hold more merit.

Wikkyd~"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law!"~Aleister Crowley, The Beast 666

KalvinB

102

February 21, 2003 10:13 PM

Good job, idiot.

FRANCE ISN''T IN TROUBLE WITH IRAQ.

Iraq is JUST SLAPPING THEM ON THE WRIST as a WARNING.

FRANCE IS NOT LOSING ANY OIL FROM THIS. The ONLY thing that changes is that when France needs oil, they''ll get it after everyone else gets theirs.

Do you understand the concept of a "priority?"

They''re not risking anything. If France were to stop being cowards and actually do something then they wouldn''t even be on the bottom of the priority list. They''d be off the list. Or their prices would go through the roof. Not being PRIORITY does NOT DO ANYTHING but maybe delay some shipments.

Is this dumbed down enough for you or should I go a little lower?

Ben

IcarusIndie.com [ The Labyrinth | DevZone | Indie Mail | Hosting | Tiberian Merchandise | GameShot | Fun With Cutouts ]

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Wikkyd

118

February 21, 2003 10:23 PM

quote:Original post by KalvinB
Good job, idiot.

FRANCE ISN''T IN TROUBLE WITH IRAQ.

Iraq is JUST SLAPPING THEM ON THE WRIST as a WARNING.

FRANCE IS NOT LOSING ANY OIL FROM THIS. The ONLY thing that changes is that when France needs oil, they''ll get it after everyone else gets theirs.

Let me ask you this Kalvin.

Do you think if there is a regime change in Iraq, that the French are going to be totally cut off from potential Iraqi oil imports?

Wikkyd~"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law!"~Aleister Crowley, The Beast 666

Wikkyd

118

February 21, 2003 10:28 PM

1) The French government has supported US/British led sanctions against Iraq in the UN.

2) The French government has supported the disarmament of Saddam Hussein in the UN.

The French are NOT the enemies of the USA.

Wikkyd~"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law!"~Aleister Crowley, The Beast 666

KalvinB

102

February 21, 2003 10:29 PM

"Do you think if there is a regime change in Iraq"

Depends on if there is a regime change and who the regime is and whether or not they hate the French dontcha think? Did you really need me to tell you that?

Are you trying to prove a point or do you just like asking questions?

Right now if anyone tries to pull anything with France they can stick their heads up above their little cowards nest and go "but we didn''t do anything!"

Ben

IcarusIndie.com [ The Labyrinth | DevZone | Indie Mail | Hosting | Tiberian Merchandise | GameShot | Fun With Cutouts ]

[ IcarusIndie.com | recycledrussianbrides.com | Got Linux? ]

KalvinB

102

February 21, 2003 10:34 PM

"The French are NOT the enemies of the USA."

And that''s why they got their ship blowed up.

And they''re too cowardly to take any real action because of it. Because if they do, what gets blowed up next will probably be bigger than a ship. Or they just might lose their precious oil.

You''re trying to make a mountain out of an ant hill. Actually it just might be some dirt that kicked up that you''ve blindly latched onto.

Ben

[ IcarusIndie.com | recycledrussianbrides.com | Got Linux? ]

I can't resist (more Iraq-type stuff)

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I can't resist (more Iraq-type stuff)

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