Novel Workshop #2

Mare Kuntz · 2007-09-05T15:23:52

This is early, but I figured getting it out there for people to read couldn't really be a bad thing. You are not required to have done the previous workshop to participate in this one. THEORY: WHAT IS PLOT? A plot arc is what defines a complete coherent story. Plot can also be referred to as dramatic structure: the shape of the story, from de-stabilizing initial incident, through rising action, to the climax and re-stabilizing resolution. A plot outline is thus like the architectural blueprint, anatomical diagram, or symphonic score for a novel. If you want to build or conduct your own novel (or weave it, there's another good metaphor) it's really helpful to understand what shape you are trying to make and create come sort of plan to guide you when your head is so full of details you start to lose track of where they are supposed to fit into the big picture. I've previously written rather a lot about plot structure, but the material is not directly relevant to this exercise so I won't paste or link it here as required reading. In the previous exercise we analytically created an outline of a novel plot. Now we want to reverse engineer that novel, while adding and substituting our own characters, worldbuilding, and specific events. To do this it may first be helpful to strip down our outline into a simpler version. _Pride and Prejudice_ has a plot which is both complicated and disorganized, so I'm going to start with something simpler, Jean M. Auel's _The Clan of the Cave Bear_. TCotCB is a also a milieu novel, specifically set in the neolithic age when Homo Sapiens coexisted with Neanderthals, and it also has a few fantasy elements blended in. It is a linear recounting of the life of one character from her early childhood adoption into the clan to her early adulthood expulsion from the clan. Here is a stripped-down outline: The Clan of the Cave Bear 1. An earthquake occurs (symbolizing large-scale problems which have been building under the surface for a long time). Ayla the 5 year old Homo Sapiens girl is orphaned, almost starves, and is almost killed by a lion. This neatly introduces one of the book's main themes: survival/evolutionary fitness vs. death/extinction. Then the girl is found and healed by the Neanderthal medicine woman Iza (whose clan is also homeless and wandering because of the earthquake, and who personally was emancipated by the earthquake from an abusive husband. Ayla represents 'something new'. The Neanderthal clan has a problem dealing with things which are new - usually it ignores them. (As opposed to we Homo Sapiens who have been characterized as being half xenophilic and half xenophobic but both sides of our nature fascinated and even obsessed by novelty.) Pp 1-50. 2. Ayla's wandering off from the group leads to the discovery of a cave which becomes the clan's new home. This introduces the conflict of the independent experimental Homo Sapiens personality vs. the rigidly compartmentalized, conservative Neanderthal personality. A hunt is held, and when it is successful a ceremony and feast are held. The lack of communication between the compartmentalized roles in clan life (male vs. female, political vs. religious) results in a mistake that triggers a lifelong antagonism between the protagonist Ayla and her antagonistic rival Broud. This mistake is that Broud's first hunt and manhood ritual, which are supposed to be a big deal people talk admiringly about for weeks, happens immediately before Ayla is shockingly declared to have the cave lion as her totem. Broud is bitterly jealous of Ayla stealing his spotlight. The second, men-only part of the ceremony taking place that evening introduces the final major theme, past/present/future, and also introduces the magical part of the worldbuilding by taking the clan men back in time through their racial memories. In the first 100 pages all the major themes, the major conflict, and almost all the major characters have been introduced. P 50-100 3. Ayla starts to learn the clan's sign-language, and gets lessons in the clan's basic religious beliefs about totems and babies, and is discovered to lack the racial memories the clan has but to be capable of learning Iza's medicine-woman knowledge despite this handicap. Iza has a baby and Ayla is intensely interested in being a big sister, and combines this with her interest in healing by adopting a wounded baby rabbit. Domesticating animals is another thing the Clan does not do, with the exception of raising a bear cub and then sacrificing it for religious reasons, but taking care of a rabbit seems harmless so it is permitted, although a line is drawn at predators. The problem is that Ayla can learn things the clan forbids to females, which normal clan women would never be interested in because they lack both the memories and the curious, experimental personality. Ayla witnesses Bround trying to boastfully teach sling lessons, being bad at using the sling, losing his temper, and getting severely reprimanded. In the chaos the sling is left behind and Ayla picks it up even though women are forbidden to touch weapons, wanting to see if she could be better than Broud at it. P 100-150 4. Ayla trains herself to use the sling well, and her new confident attitude insults Broud's machismo. Burning to make her act respectful and humble like clan women are supposed to, he begins a campaign of bullying, giving her inconsequential tasks and cuffing her when she is slow, and her resentment of him builds until one time she openly defies him, and he loses his temper and beats her unconscious and has to be dragged off of her by his father the clan leader. Broud has been intended since birth to be the next clan leader, but now his father tells him that self-control is essential to a leader, and if Broud ever loses his temper like that again he will be disinherited or even death-cursed. P 150-200 5. Now Broud is afraid to go anywhere near Ayla, but Ayla gets over her own fear of him and takes this opportunity to get revenge on him by being habitually insolent towards him. Finally he figures out that as long as he restricts himself to cuffs and insults this will be considered within the realm of how Clan men are supposed to discipline women. So he resumes his bullying of her, and she realizes no one will protect her from him, stops looking for outside help and tries to solve the problem by changing her attitude: trying to be more humble but also trying not to let it bother her. But the fact that she is ignoring him infuriates Broud more than ever. Meanwhile Ayla longs to put her sling skill to use by hunting, but is depressed by the realization that she can never bring her kills back to the clan. Then she hits on the idea of helping the clan indirectly by killing predators who compete with them for prey. Ayla finds a fossil rock which she decides is a sign from her totem that Broud is her test, and if she can endure him all winter she will be allowed to hunt predators with her sling. During the winter Ayla's healing lessons progress and she starts to be recognized by the clan as a medicine woman when she treats a scald on the clan leader's arm and it heals well. In spring she exuberantly hunts predators, but then had a scare when she misses a lynx and only by luck and quick reflexes avoids being killed by it. She tries to give up hunting and act more like an ideal clan woman, but is unhappy that way, and finally hits on the idea of developing a new sling technique such that she can rapid-fire a second stone in case her first one misses. Her unconscious attitude becomes more self-confident, and Broud vows to himself that when he is leader he will break her. P 150-210 6. This incident is non-essential to the plot and could have been left out, but it helps show the positive side of the Neanderthal personality and that Ayla's differentness is valuable to the clan's survival and Broud will be a bad leader because he short-sightedly refuses to recognize this. The clan goes to the ocean to hunt sturgeon. Ayla's weirdness shows in that she likes to swim, something the Neanderthal don't and can't do because they are less buoyant. During the hunting a young girl is swept away and Ayla swims after her and saves her life. The girl's parents are grateful to Ayla and the clan leader is also pleased. P 210-220 7. But now it all comes crashing down. Ayla goes along on a mammoth hunt to help prepare the meat and carry it home. While the meat is drying a hyena keeps stealing some – then it steals Brac, Broud's toddler son. Without thinking of the consequences Ayla take out her sling and kills the hyena, saving the boy's life. But, everyone knows women are forbidden to touch weapons and the punishment for doing so is the death curse. Broud is initially grateful his son's life was saved, but then he finds out Ayla saw him being reprimanded when she got her first sling and learned how to hut with it. Humiliated fury sweeps away the gratitude Broud should feel and he is the strongest proponent of her being death-cursed (showing that he would chose his revenge against her over his own son's life and the good of the clan as a whole). Some other men of the clan argue that Ayla should not be cursed but should even be allowed to hunt because it's always valuable to have another hunter helping fend off starvation. The opinion is evenly split, and the clan leader makes the decision that Ayla must be cursed with death, but the curse will last for one month, and if she survives she will be welcomed back into the clan and allowed to hunt. P 220-270 8. Ayla puts all the survival skills she has learned to the test and more importantly has to find her identity as an individual independent from the clan. The clan goes back in their racial memories to an ancient time before Homo Sapiens and Neanderthals became separate species, before the clan's gender specialization developed, when women often hunted for themselves and their children. Summoning these ancient spirits in a special ritual they make Ayla an official hunter of the clan, although the only weapon she may use is a sling. She begins hunting and bringing her kills back to the cave, and though the clan people are nervous and awkward about this at first they all get used to it except Broud. She also starts her menses and officially becomes a woman. P 270-310 9. In a murderous rage at seeing Ayla being given special treatment, permitted and even encouraged to be abnormal, composed in the face of his bullying, Broud searches for some way to break her composure and, remembering that she is now a woman, decides to try commanding her to have sex with him. She is a virgin and though she would probably always remain one since to Neanderthal tastes she is ugly and masculine, so she is shocked. She tries to submit like clan rules dictate she should (any woman is available to any man and may not refuse him) but she panics and starts fighting back, and to Broud's delight it turns into a rape. Ayla is depressed, spiritually wounded, and Broud keeps raping her. But then Ayla discovers she is pregnant – she has always longed to be pregnant. So she is deliriously happy and once again able to ignore Broud, so in dissatisfaction he leaves her alone. But Ayla is very young, has not been taking care of herself because of her depression, and her body is under additional strain from carrying a half-Neanderthal child so the pregnancy is a hard one, and so is the labor. P 310-330 10. Because the skull of Ayla's son is shaped halfway like that of a Homo Sapiens and halfway like that of a Neanderthal, and his neck is weak like that of Homo Sapiens babies, he is judged to be deformed. In such a case the child is supposed to be left out in the woods to die. But there is also the tradition that if a baby survives until its naming day the clan leader has to accept the child into the clan. So Ayla runs away with her baby. But what Ayla doesn't know is that a woman who forces a man against his will makes him lose face, and that if she forces the leader to accept her child he will curse them both to death, permanently this time. But she returns early, is contrite that she ran away, and begs for her son's life, and the clan leader is placated and accepts the child, although forbidding Ayla to hunt or go anywhere alone for several months. P 330-370 11. Now the whole clan except the members too old to travel goes to the clan gathering held once every 7 years. The underlying purpose of this is to encourage intermarriage between the clans and allow them to even out their population – 2 large clans can let their excess population leave to form a new clan, or 2 small clans can combine. Also they exchange hunting, healing, toolmaking, and cooking techniques. Overtly it is a religious festival where a cave-bear who has been raised in captivity for 3 years is sacrificed, and also it is a social competition to determine each clan's rank within the hierarchy. The rank is determined by races and competitions between the hunters, the relative skill of the clan's medicine woman and shaman, the cooking skill of the women, and the general obedience and good manners of all the clan members. It is a close struggle, but Ayla's clan comes in first, and she is asked to make a special drug for a ritual for the shamans of all the clans. Making the potion involves chewing roots, which gave Ayla a dose of the drug and confused her; also she made the potion a little too strong and there was some left over, and knowing it was too sacred to be thrown away she drank it to hide the evidence of her error. In her drugged confusion she wanders near the forbidden area where the shamans are having their ceremony and gets drawn into it, which because she is a woman is extremely forbidden, and could doom all the clans at the gathering. (Only Creb knows she is there, however, and keeps it a secret). The ceremony is a trip into racial memory, showing the path along which the clan has evolved. It normally stops at the present but the forward-thinking configuration of Ayla's mind allows a confusing glimpse into the future – a future without Neanderthals. P 370-430 12. Time continues to play an important role as the story ends. Ayla's adoptive mother Iza dies (her last words urging Ayla to leave and find her own people and a mate among them), and in her grief over Iza's death Alya loses her milk and has to let other women in the clan nurse her son. Ayla's younger adoptive sister Uba marries and moves in with her husband. Her adoptive father Creb is also feeling his age particularly in light of his knowledge that there is no future for the clan, and he retires, although his feeling of doom is mollified when he thinks that a part of the clan will live on in babies like Ayla's son and his promised future mate, a female halfblood baby. The clan leader too retires, making Broud leader; and Broud seizes the chance and takes his revenge. He finds a flimsy excuse and has Ayla cursed with death. Almost immediately there is an earthquake, bringing the book full-circle, and Creb dies. Now Ayla's every link to the clan except her son has been severed, even that has been weakened by her inability to nurse him, and she knows that the clan can provide for him and train him much better than she could do alone. So Ayla leaves her son there and sets off into the wilderness, intending to find her own people. P 430-495 Comments: TCotCB is a bit slow-paced, but (with the possible exception of the fishing episode) it has a nice tight plot. The outline above could be written in an even more compact form if intended for use by someone familiar with the book who didn't need explanations of the relationships between the characters, the worldbuilding, and the characters motives. The one-sentence logline for this novel would be, “An orphaned Homo Sapiens girl grows up among Neanderthals, becoming a hunter, a healer, and a mother while contending with a bitter rival, until she has finally learned all she can from this restrictive society and has to set off on her own to find her future.” The moral premise could be stated as, “Rigidly expecting people to fill specific roles makes the individuals unhappy and the community as a whole unadaptable and less likely to survive and prosper.” The themes associated with this premise are : past vs. future, tradition vs. creative experimentation, prejudice and machismo vs. acceptance and equality, reproduction vs. extinction, and individual vs. society. METHOD: WHAT IS YOUR PLOT? So, perhaps what I would like you all to do is self-explanatory: 1. Simplify your example outline down to the bare bones and identify a logline and premise for it. 2. Attempt a logline, premise, themes, and outline for your own novel. I do not expect you will be able to successfully decide on these yet, but I'd like you to think about the problem and write some experimental ones. [Edited by - sunandshadow on August 17, 2007 12:35:34 AM]

sunandshadow

7,435

Author

August 24, 2007 01:49 AM

What is the problem they discover? And at the end of the story do they live in the real world or the paradise? That does sound like a plot structure, so you should rewrite your logline to reflect it. The theme... is the theme about the difference between the real and the ideal, and how to get from one to the other? That's a problem I often ponder myself, but I haven't had any luck writing a story about it because I have no answer as to how one gets from a flawed reality to a more ideal one. That's kind of a fundamental problem of writing a novel - one's motivation often comes from being puzzled by a question and wanting to explore it, but the end of the story must answer that question, so you can only write an ending if you can decide on an answer to your question.

I keep wondering whether I should try to respond to this assignment or not...

I want to help design a "sandpark" MMO. Optional interactive story with quests and deeply characterized NPCs, plus sandbox elements like player-craftable housing and lots of other crafting. If you are starting a design of this type, please PM me. I also love pet-breeding games.

Wai

1,007

August 24, 2007 04:16 AM

I feel fortunate that there are replies. I am not used to discussing plots as they take shape. It is not clear to me how such communication can sustain because it seems really easy to compound on misunderstandings. From my perspective, the bunden to sustain communication is on me. Because it is unreasonable for me to assume that you know what I imagine. So far your responses are getting more and more matching. I totally agree that the revelation in Paradise would break the story if it is satisfactory. I will talk about the revelation after the rising tension. After some thoughts, I see that the rising tension comes from this structure:

In the first chapter, the main character observes one thing strikingly good about the paradise. He tries it in his own world, and discover that it is impossible given the circumstance* in his world.

In the second chapter, he is back to paradise, and he looks at how the circumstance* is different in paradise that allows them to have the property in chapter one. He identifies why paradise could do so, and return. Upon returning, he discovers another circumstance** in his world that made it impossible.

and so on... everytime he returns to his world, he identifies a greater, more encompassing, and more uncontrollable circumstance that makes the paradise impossible. Each return from paradise leaves him feeling more hopeless. Going towards the climax, the main character thinks that the paradise is impossible, it must be a lie, an illusion. It cannot be the real future...

This structure implies that the themes/chapters follows an order of hierarchy. I didn't see this before and didn't arrange them in the right order.

At the end of the story, I am leaning toward having the main character and the lover from future living together back in the present.

New attempt at the logline:

A man with visions of a future free of suffering grows distraught trying to find the its path.

[Edited by - Wai on August 24, 2007 11:16:42 AM]

[Battle Angel Valerie]

sunandshadow

7,435

Author

August 24, 2007 03:46 PM

Oh, heh, actually I meant that I wondered whether I should attempt to post an outline and logline of my own. I hesitate because it would be half thought-out and I wouldn't want anyone to take it as an example of what a good plot outline ought to look like.

But yes, I agree that we seem to be honing in on what you want to do. [smile] And your realization about the thematic hierarchy is a good one.

Quote:Original post by Wai
A man with visions of a future free of suffering grows distraught trying to find its path.

This however still lacks a verb related to the climax. It should be more like "A man with visions of a future free of suffering grows more distraught until finally _something happens_."

I want to help design a "sandpark" MMO. Optional interactive story with quests and deeply characterized NPCs, plus sandbox elements like player-craftable housing and lots of other crafting. If you are starting a design of this type, please PM me. I also love pet-breeding games.

Wai

1,007

August 24, 2007 04:30 PM

What is the purpose of a logline? It is so distilled that it seems to turn every story into a tasteless statement. So far, I haven't read a logline that entices me to read the story. Is it possible to skip the logline?

Through their futile attempt to reconstruct the events bridging the present and a future free of suffering, the protagonists learn how the future comes to be.

[Battle Angel Valerie]

sunandshadow

7,435

Author

August 24, 2007 06:16 PM

A logline is not supposed to entice you to read the story, it is supposed to totally spoil the story by communicating the core of the plot in as short and generic a way as possible. It is normal for all loglines to sound lame. The purpose of a logline is for the author and other people examining the book's plot structure to be able to quickly communicate and agree on what the book is supposed to be about. The logline is a guide for determining what content is or is not contributing to developing the plot, where the story should begin and end, and what the key points in the plot's development should be.

Edit: Oh I though of a good metaphor. [smile] you know how when you want to make a drawing of a person first you draw a sick figure or figure made out of circles to establish the pose and proportions? A logline is like that. Stick figures are not pretty, and they all look the same, but they are important to making your final drawing be proportional and dynamic.

[Edited by - sunandshadow on August 24, 2007 7:16:28 PM]

I want to help design a "sandpark" MMO. Optional interactive story with quests and deeply characterized NPCs, plus sandbox elements like player-craftable housing and lots of other crafting. If you are starting a design of this type, please PM me. I also love pet-breeding games.

cyansoft

307

August 24, 2007 09:51 PM

Here is part 1 of 2 of the second assignment, the shortened version of my outline of 1984. It includes an revised logline, a premise statement, and a list of themes.

Now the fun begins, coming up with my own plot for my own novel! I think I'm going to need some coffee...

ShadowRancher

142

August 24, 2007 10:26 PM

Here is partial reduction of my outline of Magic. You can say I'm whittling it down; although it is not quite to the heart of the matter. I'm not satisfied with the logline but it is an attempt. Any comments would be appreciated.

I grew up in Erie on the lower east side. I moved away to the South and have been back for a number of years. Hi - fellow Erieite.

Partial reduction with attempts at logline, premise, and themes.

I'll have some things to say about tragedy and Magic a little later.

Gallivan

158

August 24, 2007 10:33 PM

Well here is my own, although I haven't gotten extremely far:

1. The story begins on a rather run down avenue in the heart of Boston. The entirety of the exterior buildings are a recollection of old detective movies, but the inside is a stark contrast - bleached with white wall paper. The protagonist of the story is introduced, a witty Rory Keegan. It would appear, compared to the former reference, that at any minute a dazzling bombshell will enter pleading for his almighty assistance. Although this does not prove true when two stereotypical thug-types enter through the wood-framed archway. The three men enter in discussion, and as the opening scene nears its end, it is obvious that the trio have agreed upon a murder contract. A dialogue will ensue whereas Rory Keegan will explain his philosophical defense as the contractor of murder. Men come to him to pursue financial opportunities through the spilling of blood, and all payment is upon proof of death - to be frank, obituaries.

2. The scene shifts to a household as the evening progresses. It’s late, nearing eight or nine, and the household is winding down. Two boys are seen doing the dishes after what appears to be an extensive meal, natural in this house for a Sunday. As they finish, bidding so long to their parents in unconscious goodbyes, they grab their remarkably drab leather jackets and exit into the rain. Their fading car lights can be seen through the window. A brief pause at the window and it would appear new lights float by, not too uncommon for a connector neighborhood in Boston. The two parents in their mid-forties are upstairs on the bed, husband watching some rowdy game show while his wife thumbs through a magazine. All of a sudden the lights flicker and black out, apparently the storm striking a pole somewhere nearby. Between the pattering of the rain on the shingles, Rory Keegan’s voice pipes up again. He non-chalantly continues his moral explanation of his business. The dialogue of husband and wife over-power this, as the man heads across the hall to retrieve a flashlight. The front door creaks and Rory starts up again, in a verse bored with himself and his rehearsed rambling. Two young men enter the house, lacking an identifying leather jacket on one of them. The husband has now found the flashlight and clicked it on, swerving it left and right until it stumbles upon the doorway. Two knife wielding men stand there, long faces presented. Rory has neared the end of his speech, as the husband slowly backs away. The reiterated “I wouldn’t kill innocent men.” ends his narration, and thunder cracks. The two men drop to the floor and Rory Keegan is seen behind them, easily identifiable, with two pistols in his hand.

ShadowRancher

142

August 25, 2007 06:43 AM

SunandShadow - I appreciate your explanation of the logline and your metaphor. It is very helpful and enlightening. Thanks also for conducting this forum.

Wai

1,007

August 25, 2007 11:20 PM

The Road to Paradise

logline: A man struggles to find and walk the way toward a future free of suffering.

premise: The road to paradise begins in the mind.

outline:

01) a sudden death
The story begins with the news of a death around the main character. This incident got the main character thinking about life and its meaning. In this period, the main character learned something that would change his view.

02) wings of paradise
The main character thought about an ideal future, after much thoughts, he saw why many attempts to change the present into a paradise have failed. He believed that two concepts are essential to getting to paradise.

03) inertia
The main character discovers that the values he learned about the paradise contradicts some parts of his way of life. While it would be easy to change for himself. It would be difficult to change with the people around him.

04) fear
The main character found others who share the same vision, but at the same time, he found a fear in himself that keeps himself from changing.

05) the cemetery
the main character visits the cemetery to overcome the fear and stereotypes.

06) the walk to paradise
The main character balance between the ways of life of the two worlds. The road to paradise is long and narrow. But it widens as people walk it.

[Battle Angel Valerie]

Novel Workshop #2

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Novel Workshop #2

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