The game industry is really the only part of high tech that has a talent oversupply.

It sounds like you should focus your efforts on other parts of software development, if you need your skills to be absolutely in demand.

I wish I could have received that advice 20 years ago. I can't imagine that employers will accept my existence at this age with so little applicable skill - transitioning now would require a far more forgiving environment that exists.

It sounds kind of like you've got some paranoid schizophrenic tendencies... Seriously consider see'ing someone to rule out/confirm if this is the case. If in your head it makes sense that everyone has been conspiring against you to hurt you because of a past trauma, you need to seriously try and evaluate the chances of that from a neutral perspective.

You're accusing me of being a psycho, because of legitimate misgivings about the human race?!? Real classy. Is this the type of conduct that is to be expected from this board?

No, I'm not accusing you of being a psycho, but please consider the following, if It's a correct guess then you can get medication that will help with most/all of your symptoms. If I'm wrong, then I'm an idiot and it's a good thing I'm not a doctor. It could objectively be the best use of your time getting yourself checked out, as it's extremely hard to self diagnose that condition.

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/conditions/schizophrenia

I wish I could have received that advice 20 years ago. I can't imagine that employers will accept my existence at this age with so little applicable skill - transitioning now would require a far more forgiving environment that exists.

Programmers transfer out of the game industry all the time. I find it difficult to believe that a programmer with decades of experience has no transferable programming skills anywhere else in software.

There are far more former game developers than present-day game developers.

Also as I wrote a big list on the first page of the discussion, there are many fields that absolutely love former game developers on their teams. Even if you feel 'aged out' of games, there are other industries where the skills directly transfer. Military simulations are probably the biggest of those.

Many of those fields pay better than game studios will pay by default, as most game studios struggle to pay employees.

junior web developer at 40?

You don't need to apply to a job as a junior web developer. I don't know if you wrote that as hyperbole or because you honestly believe you need to restart your career from the beginning. There is no need to reset your career. If you've got two decades of experience you can apply the experience in other jobs. Lateral career moves take some thought, but are done quite often.

conq: My feelings are not as extreme as what you imply at the end of your post. Once people get over their initial fear, they tend to find I'm a nice, witty guy. At least, that's what my friends say - their opinion might be biased ;) Nobody "knew something about [me] that even didn't know" (but to be fair, I've heard some surveillance horror stories...) or is trying to get me fired, but people have beaten me up, and people have betrayed me - I don't see why this necessarily means I'm mentally ill.

It's a moot point anyway - I'm broke and live in the U.S., where you have to be filthy rich to be diagnosed with a cold.

Mr. Weinstein: My concern is not whether my skills are transferable - my issue is that I have a complete lack of faith in employers' ability to recognize that those skills are transferable. To be honest, I have no faith, period - not in employers in particular, or humanity in general. This is why I am so discouraged and "insecure".

frob: My comment to Mr. Weinstein is applicable - I have no faith that employers will make the right decision to recognize my skills and talents; I believe they will only see that I have not been paid to do web development, medical imaging, etc., and end the discussion there.

I have no faith that employers will make the right decision to recognize my skills and talents; I believe they will only see that I have not been paid to do web development, medical imaging, etc., and end the discussion there.

So, there isn't anything we can do here to change that.

I can tell you that there is a massive demand for programming talent -- to the point that bright people can do sub-1-year training bootcamps and get jobs. I can tell you that outside of the game industry there is a perception (accurate or not) that game programmers are *higher* skill than the industry norm. I can tell you that job "requirements" from employers are little more than wish lists in many cases.

But I cannot help you believe that.

conq: My feelings are not as extreme as what you imply at the end of your post. Once people get over their initial fear, they tend to find I'm a nice, witty guy. At least, that's what my friends say - their opinion might be biased ;) Nobody "knew something about [me] that even didn't know" (but to be fair, I've heard some surveillance horror stories...) or is trying to get me fired, but people have beaten me up, and people have betrayed me - I don't see why this necessarily means I'm mentally ill.

Far and away from mental illness, to me it sounds like there's something in your mannerisms that creeps people out and you've internalized the reactions you're getting to that. Body language matters, and even little things that are "off" can make people dislike you. Certainly I've had that "fear reaction" to people with body language that was "off" before. I'm self-aware enough to repress it as soon as it happens, but I get the sense that most other people aren't. The good news is that if your body language is your problem, once you're aware of what mannerisms those are, you can change them. It may even be something really simple that you can fix just by paying a little more attention to body language in general. Have you ever actually asked one of your friends why they were afraid of you at first? Or are you just going off guesswork here? I suggest that it's worth finding someone in your personal life who initially had that fear reaction to you and asking them some questions. Your friends are supposed to help you grow, and a real friend will be honest with you if you ask them and make it clear that you're asking because you want to better yourself and not because you want to have your ego stroked.

A coworker once told me of interviewing someone who was qualified according to his resume, but had a creepy stare. The candidate would look at you without ever seeming to blink, without ever seeming to look away, which coupled with generally terse answers to questions made him come across as off-puttingly intense. My coworker called it a "serial killer stare." I don't remember whether or not they hired him, off the top of my head. I've encountered people who stare like that, myself, and it really is off-putting. Some more examples of people I've found off-putting:

- someone who had a creepy way of moving his hands

- someone WHOSE VOICE HAD NO VOLUME CONTROL MEANING YOU COULDN'T HOLD ANYTHING RESEMBLING A PRIVATE CONVERSATION WITH HIM

- a number of people who chewed noisily and with their mouth open (yuck!)

- people who smelled bad

- people who stood too close to me

These were all things that weren't quite egregious enough to say anything about, but were still sufficiently off-putting to make me (and others) avoid them, at least until I recognized what was happening.

I myself used to be someone who could get weird responses from people, and so I have a pretty good idea of how it feels to be on the receiving end of that fear response. Encountering others who triggered that response in me helped me become more aware of my own body language (and in fact that body language was the problem!) and tailor it to match what people were more comfortable with. Eventually the changes became habit and I don't have to think about body language that much anymore.


To clarify, the second request I made earlier in the thread was for you to provide specific anecdotes of the ways that people have responded to you. Again - understand if you aren't comfortable with telling those sorts of stories on a forum, but telling us (eg) exactly what happened when a person "betrayed" you, or the chain of events that led someone to beat you up, might go a long way to helping us understand you.

Have you ever actually asked one of your friends why they were afraid of you at first?

The friends I have now weren't afraid, couldn't see what others fear - when they see other people react that way (which is rare when they're around) they perceive it as something wrong with them.

To clarify, the second request I made earlier in the thread was for you to provide specific anecdotes of the ways that people have responded to you. Again - understand if you aren't comfortable with telling those sorts of stories on a forum, but telling us (eg) exactly what happened when a person "betrayed" you, or the chain of events that led someone to beat you up, might go a long way to helping us understand you.

One specific tale of betrayal:

In seventh grade, I was a poor person attending a junior high school in a very well-to-do, conservative part of town. I was teased and bullied constantly. A few months in, one person who was in my gym class offered to be my friend. Of course, I accepted. The first time we walked home from school together, he led me into an ambush where a he and a handful of his real friends beat me with an inch of my life.

I never trusted anyone else ever again.

Have you ever actually asked one of your friends why they were afraid of you at first?

The friends I have now weren't afraid, couldn't see what others fear - when they see other people react that way (which is rare when they're around) they perceive it as something wrong with them.

To clarify, the second request I made earlier in the thread was for you to provide specific anecdotes of the ways that people have responded to you. Again - understand if you aren't comfortable with telling those sorts of stories on a forum, but telling us (eg) exactly what happened when a person "betrayed" you, or the chain of events that led someone to beat you up, might go a long way to helping us understand you.

One specific tale of betrayal:

In seventh grade, I was a poor person attending a junior high school in a very well-to-do, conservative part of town. I was teased and bullied constantly. A few months in, one person who was in my gym class offered to be my friend. Of course, I accepted. The first time we walked home from school together, he led me into an ambush where a he and a handful of his real friends beat me with an inch of my life.

I never trusted anyone else ever again.

I wouldn't exactly be expecting juvenile shit like that to be still happening to you at 41. I wouldn't be expecting stuff like that to happen to you at 21, for that matter! I'm not a therapist, but just given what you've said, I also suggest that it may be worth looking at your own conditioned responses to others and evaluating, from "first principles," whether they still actually make sense. It's hard to trust people when you feel so betrayed, especially when people have treated you so badly, but things do change. Do you have an example of something more recent, perhaps something that happened at work?

I also got a bit of the bullying stuff, myself. Among other things, when I was in 8th grade, a group of people I wanted to be friends with tricked me into making out with a shoe during a truth or dare game. This was back when I was awkward, had poor body language, and had been mistaken for autistic a few times, so naturally I didn't gel well with others. I had trust issues, especially with women (since a group of girls had masterminded the trick), for years afterwards. The thing was, by the time I'd hit 12th grade, my trust issues were largely unnecessary, because I was no longer at the mercy of 13 year olds who hated outsiders. I'm now 26 and while I don't actually like anyone who was involved with that, I don't hold any grudges against them.

I also don't presuppose that anyone in my professional or personal life is going to act that way, ever, because I'm not in high school anymore and I purposefully surround myself with good people. I don't hold the actions of a bunch of assholes from 13 years ago against all of humanity. They were assholes, and they made the choice to be assholes, which not everyone will. The whole is not responsible for the actions of individuals. If you were beaten up I realize that it's harder to trust people, but... if you're 41 now, and this happened when you were in 7th grade, you were what, 12? So, unless there's something you aren't telling us, you're letting events from almost 30 years ago rule the way you deal with other human beings. That seems really, really unhealthy.

I wouldn't exactly be expecting juvenile shit like that to be still happening to you at 41. I wouldn't be expecting stuff like that to happen to you at 21, for that matter!

Do you have an example of something more recent, perhaps something that happened at work?

They were assholes, and they made the choice to be assholes, which not everyone will.