Have you heard my old theory on 'how to become a successful painter'? I'm sure you haven't, because I don't think I've actually discussed it online.

The first and most important steps are -

• Paint a lot of paintings
  
  
• ...on big canvases. No little sissy ones.

Seriously. Most of the 'not-so-good' artists which are now hanging up on walls (but not necessarily well-known) are there simply because they painted a lot of big paintings. Statistically speaking, more is better. And bigger is more therefore bigger is better.

Second.

You need a patron who has lots of money, large breasts, and a husband who doesn't mind her eloping with a starving artist. Start off by selling her your paintings (for a marginable profit) then develop it into 'something more'. Your efforts here are key to becoming something big - with her backing you'll have access to even more lucrative opportunities and bigger canvases and higher level paint skills!

Third: ???

Forth: $$$ PROFIT $$$

You're a man of many trades....