hey guys, i'm pretty new here and aim to be a good game designer/story writer. It would be a great help if you could help me points out what to do or what to improve. I normally write a fiction/novel in Thai so and english is NOT my forte, so sorry in the advance for my crappy grammar [Story start here] Life as a most powerful wizard of the realm leave you bored. Powerful as you are, you have everything at your finger tips, well, at least on this realm... Deciding this world isn't interesting anymore, you try to meddle with the space-time itself. Ofcourse, the experiment goes awfully wrong, you intended only to peer into the glowing sphrere, instead, it sucks you right in. When you open your eyes, you're surround by a group of armed and weirdly clothed people. Prepare to defend yourself, you found out the hardway; you are no longer as powerful as you once were. After narrowly escape the highwaymen, you step out of the dark alley way, and hits in the head with the thought "Where am i?" Building that looks like a house, but have no roof. Funny-looking machineries. People sits in a iron box with wheels. Light with out smoke. and a tower, evern higher than yours Distressed and hungry, you stumble upon another one of those highwayman mugging a girl. The mugger spots you, thinking that you would alert the authority, he attacks you too. Too tired to run, you decide to fight. Using what magical energy you have left, you let out a shockwave blast, knocking the criminal out cold, before you, too, fall flat on the ground. When you regain your conscious, you find yourself lying in a bed. The girl said she drag you to her home, and introduce herself; Jenny the Fast-food girl. From the conversation with the 'Fast-food girl' you find the (not quite) shoking truth... the years is 2010 on the realm of 'Earth'. You need to find a way home, and tel Jenny your story. Though sceptical, Jenny DID witness your power. She say you could stay at her home for the time being, and when you refuse to give the name, she begins calling you 'Warlock'. Searching the city called 'Manhattan' for a clue, you find out another truth; Your power is not all lost. When you arrived at this realm, your magical power dispersed in the air. They now reside everything from 'car' to people. At Jenny's house, she suggest you could get rid of your tattered cloak, silly pants and most of all, that evil looking goatee. She give you some of this world currency, and directs you to a barber and a tailor. She says that if you need more 'cash', you should find a job. After a day of exploring, you stumble upon a 'mytery shop'. You peek inside and a 'self procailmed' witch, Paula, greet you. Eventhough most of the merchandise she offer you are junks, some of the items actually hold some magic element. You promise Paula to return- when you have the cash, that is. One night, you are watching 'TV' when you found something quite disturbing. A green-skined human were spoted in a city at night, and the sighting become more and more frequent. Green skin? ofcourse you know them; the orcs. But could this be them? If so where did they came from? You know the orcs aren't your friend, so you prepare to battle, but first after you get some answer. You encounter a lone orc in the park one night, and follow him down to the 'underground water canal'. There you find more orc, and they surprise you as much as you surprise them. Dispatching the group of orcs, you inspect their camp and found something interesting, if not disturbing; a flag of Belarone, the ruling king of elf. You explain to Jenny why you smell like a dead rat and what you have found. Jenny demands more, so you sit down and beginn your story with Belarone. In your realm, your master was the protector of a city. He and Belarone were like nemesis, battle each other for ages. Eventhough Belarone is an elf, he make peace with the orcs, their mortal enemy, and begin the campaign against 'those dirty humans'. On thier last battle, your master unleash a powerful magic, wiping out Belarone's Army and himself in the process leaving you as a successor behind. Belarone was once thought to be dead and the age of peace begin. As you end your story, you leave with a remark "You know what? Their kingdom was much peaceful than our one city ever was" After investigating more of the orcs incidents, you encounter them again one night, fighting a group of police, and you decide to intervene. After defeating the orcs, one of the police come talking to you, Catherine, and ask if you can help them again. Whatever you answer, Cat is your contact to the 'cops' from now on. Helping the cops raiding the warehouse, you fall in to a trap; The police are wipe out, and you, captured and being brought before Belarone himself. Belarone explain that after you 'left', he manage to conquer the city in a matter of days. Before he, too, and his army, were suck into this world by what you left behind in your tower. He say that he would hold no grudge against you and offer you a place in his army, as an advisor no less, should you interest in helping him conquer this 'new world'. But before you could answer, the police task force arrive, with a specialized 'monster killer' unit, with Cat in tow. Belarone slip away, but not before he tell you that the offer still stand. You decide to see what Belarone have to offer and go to the meeting place. There you meet Bella, Belarone's daughter and your contact to the orcs and elf. Your first mission is to take Bella to tour the city. You are now sure that Belarone really hold no grudge against you, even trusting you with his daughter. After the mission you sit down on a sofa and rearrange your thought carefully; What should you do from now on? Assisting the cops and fighting Belarone? or helping Belarone and destroy the human here? or is there any other options at all? [From now, story branch into three routes] To be update as soon as i'm back from buying a smoke Oh, and before you say the characters are one-dimensional, this is just a storyline synopsis, exclude all sub-plot and other things. So, you can start flaming now *kicks up a table and take cover*

[Siding with Humans]
You love this earth and all technologies it have to offer, and so, you will protect it.
Cat is rejoice to hear this, and her superior assign you to monster killer unit as an 'outside help', working with them you moving closer to finding Belarone's main base.

As the attack from orcs become more heavy, the military are being call in. As the result, monster killer unit is now working together with military black-ops.
Belarone stage a final desperate assault on human in Central Park with all his remaining force on this earth, and prepare to open a new dimensional gate to bring in more troops.
With your assist, Belarone army is alomst destroy and you are called in to deal with the leader himself, who erect a magical force field around the new gate and himself, which only you could destroy.
While Cat duel Bella, you go in to fight Belarone. After a long and hard fight, you defeat and kill Belarone once and for all, achieve what even your master couldn't do.
Afterward, you destroy the dimension gate, sending even more magical energy around the world.

[White Mage Ending] = As you're watching from the top of empirestate building, Cat call you, say that there are more rift opening in manhunttan, you acknowledge the fact that you are now the defender of this realm and will do whatever to protect it. Although the orcs and elf that are left behind are good enough to be reason with, it will be a long time before peace can be born. You then promptly jump off the roof.

[Black Mage Ending] = There are a lot of orcs and elf left behind on the earth, and more are coming through the rift. You turn to your team of monster killer and tell them that there won't be peace until all non-human creature are all kill. You promptly execute the captured Bella.


[Siding with Belarone]
Be it the position in the Belarone's army or to save your own hide or you like your realm more than this one, you are still not quite sure. But you find yourself standing amongs the orcs right now.
Belarone welcome you and assign you to special squad composed of elven mages together with Bella. You and your squad staging raids and attack on military bases and supplies lines.

As the military move in full force, Belarone plans to open a new dimension gate in the central park to bring in his main army from his, and yours, dimension and you are to lead the vanguard, defend Belarone while he opens the gate. As the military arrive with unmanned-walker robot that draw near to your position, you goes off to destroy what human military have to offer, all while Bella fight off Catherine and her

squad of monster killer.
You single handedly destroy the giant robot and send the military fleeing. Although the gate is unstable and Belarone will have to rest to gather more magic to open a new gate, this is your victory.

[White Mage Ending] = America will soon be in Belarone's hand and thenafter that, the earth itself. With you and Bella at his side, the world will be a much more peaceful as it ever was. But the battle will have to go on... for now.

[Black Mage Ending] = Belarone has won the war for manhattan, and will soon take over the world. But in the shadow, you plot to overthrow him as soon as he does. Belarone can have the world of peace for now, but after that, earth will be set aflame... by your hand.


[Siding with no one]
You have absolutely no interest in their little warfare, but after hearing scream and seeing destruction, you want to ends it all with your own hands.
Military calls you 'irregular' and Belarone call you 'traitor of his own kind', you no longer have allies, but you're not on your owns either.

As you save the civilian from the damage, you are praised as hero, earning both hatred and respect from both factions.
You caught wind of Belarones plan to open a new gate in central park. As you come into the raging battle field, you help evacuate some civilian who were caught in the conflict.
Heading straight to Belarone, you save Bella from Catherine and put both of them in a bind spell, as you go through the force field.
Inside, you easily defeat Belarone, and after a short talk with the elven king, help him defeat two giant walker, who, under the military order, try to carry a mini-warhead through the portal. Belarone and his
force withdraw after the battle, and you, too, flee the military.

[White Mage Ending] = You don't care who is right or who is wrong in this conflict, but they will now know; either there will be peace, or you will be there in the middle of it, as you are now, protector of both
realm. You watching as orcs prepare to attack the civilian and on the other ends of the island the military preparing to execute a harmless elves, you suddenly jumps into action.

[Black Mage Ending] = Belarone was a fool. You know that he would fail, time of using muscle to conquer is long gone, nowaday, you have to use brain... They now call you a hero, people love you, and soon
you could say who's right and who's wrong. People of manhattan belong to you now, and soon this whole new world will be. You smirk as you watch over the manhattan from you suite.

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Annnnddd that's it for the story, if anyone wanted, i could write down some sub-plot and character bios.

and again... i'm sorry for my crappy grammar.
*get back in cover*

Thank you for your reply.

You see, that's my real problem; i am be no means native to english. That's why my grammar and spelling is so apocalyptic. I won't say i can't improve, but it will only take time.

But you said you can't get through, means i have written badly, yes?

*cries* i do HATE being Thai in a situation like this...