After decades of waiting you'd think I'd be super excited to play the game. And while I was downloading the demo last night I was. Then I loaded it up and it was great. Too great. It is exactly how I wanted to make it. And that's where I'm conflicted. More than wanting to actually play this game, I wanted to make it. For years the idea has been in the back of my head knowing that one day I would get to it. Now that my technology is finally getting to the point that I could tackle such a game I feel hurt that the game already exists. The same thing happened with these guys and Uplink. Another game that I wanted to do and they did it first.
What has this little episode taught me? I am definitely a game developer nerd first and foremost and then a gamer second. I don't make games so i can enjoy playing them, I make games because I enjoy making them. It might not sound like a huge revelation to some but it is to me. For years I wasn't sure if it was the chicken or the egg that came first. Now I know.
The good news is that I now have even more confidence that I am working on the right stuff. Working on creating solid games that could actually become a full time business is more important to me than working on games that I absolutely would love to play. Now this doesn't mean that I'm only going to work on boring "marketable" games. After all I still have a tonne of ideas for new games that I think lots of people, including me, would like to play. It just means I don't have to feel guilty for not working on the "dream game". I'll just let the guys at Introversion do it until I get my stuff up to a point that I can tackle those dreams. :)
